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My journey to find my writer's voice and the lessons I have learned on the way. |
Guess what?! I'm writing a post in my blog!  I know right! It's so.... not me. I've often wondered why I can't seem to blog, or journal, or just share anything personal on my newsfeed. Most of my personal feelings are reflected in my poetry and I have no need to share them. But, if I'm a writer, why can't I write a blog?And for that matter, why does social media make me so crazy? You'd think it'd be perfect for me, home bound as I am, but I hate it. So many people on the fringes of my life that I haven't seen since high school. Why do I care what they're doing? But when my sisters start talking about my cousin's cancer that I had no idea about, I feel pretty guilty. It's when I hear, "Hey, I hear you're sister's starting her own company" and I have to say "Yeah, I hear that too" that it makes me crazy. Gone are the days of levels of intimacy. Anything you post is for the masses and it doesn't matter how close you are to those people. I should know more about my family than some high school friend. But no one has time anymore. I prefer close personal friendships, and the give and take of conversation to social media. I just can't seem to keep up with it or remember everything I read. It's almost a full time job. Why is that so hard for me? And I'm a very social person and love to talk to people. I don't post much, but once I start talking, you can't get me to shut up. Just ask Cinn  . Our phone calls are never shorter than at least an hour. And even though I'm in a bee hive of activity, I still feel invisible. Even if I'm the one doing all the talking. Weird.However, I also can't wait to get home and be alone. I complain, but I love being alone in the quiet house, doing whatever I want uninterrupted. But I hate being lonely. How can both be true? Can they co-exist? Why exactly am I like this. I now have the answer.! On a lark, a few months ago, Cinn mentioned she had to take a personality test for school and she sent me the link Meyers-Briggs Personality Test  So, I took it. I was shocked at how, with only 72 questions, it nailed me. Not only did I agree with almost everything, but it actually gave me insight into myself and those questions actually got answered. Here's a bit of what I learned.Type: ENFJ - The Giver  ENFJ's tend to be more reserved about exposing themselves than other extraverted types. Although they may have strongly-felt beliefs, they're likely to refrain from expressing them if doing so would interfere with bringing out the best in others. (ah, can't keep private thoughts or journal, even for just myself. I tend to keep those things close to the vest since they are only important to my world view and not to others. Got it.) ENFJs have a strong need for close, intimate relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort in creating and maintaining these relationships. They're very loyal and trustworthy once involved in a relationship. (Can't do social media, and need conversation and intimacy. When I lose a close friendship I am devastated. Check)  ENFJs are people-focused individuals. They have excellent people skills. They understand and care about people, and have a special talent for bringing out the best in others. ENFJ's main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people. They are focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others. They make things happen for people, and get their best personal satisfaction from this. (I love to talk and socialize. And I seem to make friends easily. This is also why I love doing "The Newbies Academy Group" and "Contest Central Station" )The ENFJ may feel quite lonely even when surrounded by people. This feeling of aloneness may be exacerbated by the tendency to not reveal their true selves. (So it's not just me. I'm not crazy. I tend be a very private person on some levels so no one really knows me. By not expressing my opinion in an open forum, I am not easy to understand or figure out. Except for my close, personal friendships, no one really does know me so I am alone in that aspect. There's actually a reason for it. Cool!)ENFJ's are so externally focused that it's especially important for them to spend time alone. This can be difficult for some ENFJs, because they have the tendency to be hard on themselves and turn to dark thoughts when alone. (Oh, that's why I like my alone time. And also why I don't. And also why I complain about being lonely)I learned so much about myself. If you want to read the whole profile, go to Portrait of an ENFJ Why don't you take the test? What will you learn about yourself? Let me know. I can learn more about you too. Portraits of all the personality types are available at Personality Portraits |
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