Doves On Distant Oaks

People make resolutions all the time: time to loose weight, spend more time at the gym, eat better foods, and so on. However, change is not something that can be ordered depending on the day of your choosing. More often it depends on God's plan for you when real change comes into your life. Such was the case with me.

It was on a cold wintry day when doctors discovered that I had end-stage liver disease—cirrhosis of the liver brought on by alcoholism. I was a closet, functioning alcoholic, which means I held down my job, never got a DUI, nor was ever physical with anyone. Yet, the emotional havoc I inflicted damaged the ones I loved most.

I make no excuses ... I was an alcoholic in every sense of the word. However, A half-year earlier I had ceased drinking entirely, so it came as a great shock to discover I had cirrhosis of the liver. I thought my problems had been solved. Instead I ended up on my knees, seeking redemption as I dealt with my mortality.

I realized that I had to turn the problem completely over to God because this was something beyond my ability to control. A substantial change was needed if I was to survive. Often you’ll hear people say they want to stop smoking, exercise more, start getting more organized, all on a specific date such as New Year’s Day. We all fall victim to it. But a manufactured day does not take the place of real epiphany.

So what brought about the significant change in my life? It was acceptance that God is in total control with an abounding willingness to help. It's the moment when I was driven to bended knee in deep humility, ashamed of what I was and what I had become. It was at that moment, when I looked into the dark well of my heart, that I became disgusted and appalled at the reflection looking back, for both physical and spiritual reasons.

I sickened my own self. That moment hit me like a ton of bricks and I realized I must change how I was handling my life, or failing to handle it. It involved that awful word men hate—surrender. That was the moment of my true faith in God.

God has forewarned us that we can't keep living sinful lives without consequences. We may know that and be filled with desire for change—hating our sin—but the actual change can never be executed on our own. We have neither the skill nor the power to make those changes on our own because we have failed the test. As Paul said in his letter to the Corinthians, when that happens, Christ is not in us and we need help.

God has promised to help us out of our despair, but those moments He chooses to do so are unregulated. They come out of nowhere, arrive unexpected, knock your teeth loose, and rock you with their impact. You can't simply decide: this is the day I'm going to change. Change comes at you like an oncoming train and you either conform to God’s will or get left at the station.

The first step always belongs to us, to make the choice. That's all that's required—you don't need to first clean up your act or get yourself right. God will not reach out and take your difficulties from you, but He will accept them if you give them to Him. All you need to do is reach out in faith and take that first halting, uncertain, stumbling step toward Christ. He will meet you right there and lead you the rest of the way.

I'm here today writing this because He did that for me. So test yourself always and if you find yourself wanting, don't wait as you slip into a pit of desperation. Real change requires help from God and remember that God is a God of second chances ... and third ... and fourth ...




Keywords: Acceptance, Faith, Humility, Surrender


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