The Minefields of Separation and Divorce

Keeping Things on Track

Once you have the legalities sorted, the rights of your kids have been set out in orders by the Family Court...if you have a current DVO in place against you, and you are following all to the letter, you would think from here that things settle down, life moves forward and you can be happy again. That would be nice, but unfortunately, as I have previously indicated, rules are made to be broken and kids are easily manipulated.

”Do you want to go visit dad or would you rather go to Fun World with me and your new brothers and sisters?”

This is a breach of most consent orders that are stamped by the Family Court.

”We agree to foster and encourage the children's relationship with the other parent.”

It's one of those airy-fairy orders nobody considers important or enforceable, unless, of course, you are the one who is on the receiving end of the breach.

Really, all you can do is go to mediation, hope that that will be enough to change the attitudes of all concerned and if not? There are times when you just have to face that you have done all you can. That the children are in a safe and loving home, with you or without you, which is sometimes the price we must pay for our failures and mistakes from the past. To be there if they need you, to accept you are not in the same role as you once were, and to love them no matter what.

Don't fall into any traps, abide by the orders even if the other party doesn't. Use your judgement on whether to fight or flee. Control your emotions, especially when rawness and pain seem overwhelming. Think before you act. Be the bigger man, be a better man...truly the best revenge is to make a better life for yourself. To be truly happy is a fantasy for most, just be aware of what you have, where you are, and where you could be.

I cannot tell you how important it is that if you are feeling sad, or thoughts of if it is all worth it begin to take over...we who have lost so much feel this from time to time so don't be afraid to ask for help.

It is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength to say “I am not coping and I need help.”

I have spent many hours sitting alone in the dark, crying because I just couldn't see a future for myself. But there is a life after divorce, maybe not the one you hoped or planned for, but a life all the same. Too many men decide that life has become too hard, and instead of seeking help, make a decision that affects so many. Please, if this is you, make the call that could change everything, not just for you, but for your kids and your family. Try to remember, once you have hit rock bottom, the only way is up.