Comedy Dialogs Archive

Man-Wife Dialog

"Oh come on, you fart in bed, you snore, and you look like a slob. When was the last time you cleaned the house or cooked a meal. You're a selfish git and I've had enough. Sort yourself out or get lost!"

"I do not snore..."

"What! That is what you took from what I said, like the rest of it was OK? You snore and it is loud!"

"Well you snore as well!"

"I do not."

"Listen to this recording I made of you last night."

"You record the sound of me sleeping!"

"I thought it was sweet, do you want to hear the one of you farting?"

"No!"

"Look when I was hoovering yesterday, I found that earring you were looking for."

"You hoovered, my earring..oh."

"You know you might be right about the whole slob thing, think I need your help choosing some new outfits. Maybe you could help me choose something on Amazon later? Perhaps we could find a nice new dress for you also."

"Guess that would be alright."

"Can I bring you some coffee with the cake I made to celebrate the New Year, it is your favorite?"

"Errr... yes that would be nice. OK maybe you are not as bad as I said earlier."

"So can I stay?"

"I suppose so."

"Can I kiss you now?"

"No way, go wash your teeth, your breath stinks!"