Comedy Dialogs Archive

Ides of March

Guys, we are all doomed, doomed I tell you, we are all doomed, we are all going to die!

Really, why, what's happened? It's your round by the way Sid?

No Jim, it's Jacks, I did the last one. It's March, you know Ides of March, end of the world stuff.

I thought that was just the end of Julius Caesar, and it was a surprise, 'et tu brute' and all that.

Jim, don't interrupt Sid when he is on a roll, Doomsday goes well with beers.

Jack, it is your round, why don't you get those beers?

OK, OK, the bars not far, I can still hear from there, ask him how we are all going to die this time. Is it an alien invasion like last time?

No, that was the time before last. It was a nuclear war last year.

Yeah your right, and three years ago it was a great plague.

My favorite was the carnivorous plant one.

Yeh, he should never have watched Day of the Triffids.

Guys, shut up why don't you, this time it's real, the world is really going to end!

You explain that to Jim while I get the beers in.

So Sid, what is it this time? how are we doomed?

There is an asteroid headed our way, the size of London, and it is going to hit us on the ides of March.

And how do you know that? Wow, that was quick, Jack are you sleeping with the barmaid or something?

Nah, she had them ready for us, when we started talking about ordering, half the bar is listening in by the way. We all want to know how it is going to happen.

Asteroid, apparently the size of London, due Ides of March.

OK Sid, but what is your source on this one?

NASA!

Really, so if I go to the NASA website I will find the headline "doomed, doomed I tell you, we are all going to die on the Ides of March."

No of course not, they will phrase it differently, something like: "A large asteroid will cause an extinction event."

Jack, are you really surfing the web right now, this is all good stuff.

Checking out the website. No headline, just something about Moon bases and Mars trips.

What you joking, we are all going to die, that is what they told me!

Sid, do you know what date the Ides of March is?

No.

It's on the 15th of March.

So why does that change anything?

Well, today is the 16th!