Comedy Dialogs Archive

My neighbor wants to eat me

It is beautiful, it was such a good idea of yours to sit out here together tonight Jack.

The moonlight trembles on your lips, like a nervous lover before the passion of a first kiss...

Might not be the first time you have kissed these lips, but go on give the passion thing a go...what was that?....
It sounded like a dog barking, then a yelp, and then a wolf howling. Jack, I'm scared!

We are hardly in the wild, a wolf round here? Now, don't you worry but let's get you back in the house.

Jack, it came from our neighbor's garden's direction. Do you think he is alright?

Jill, you go in the house. I will go and check out the noise. Make sure all the windows and doors are shut and check on the kids while you are at it.

Yes will do, you are so brave and manly looking in this light, don't take too long now....be careful, you hear me?

Don't worry about me I can handle myself in a tight corner. Lock the door. I will see you in a moment.

Hey you, yes you in the bushes, what are you doing?

Hi, sorry, I must have strayed over the fence, we have not met my name is Sid and I am your next-door neighbor.

The fence is 6 feet tall, hard to miss. That is a very hairy handshake you are offering me there Sid...with claws!

Hair is a sign of great masculine energy they say, the sort that can jump tall fences in a single bound for instance.

Not sure who said that, or believes that for that matter, nor indeed why you are telling me that, but OK. Anyways.... why are you in my garden...is that blood on your teeth....fangs...you have a very big nose, if you do not mind me saying so, Sid. In fact, in this light, you look a bit like a wolf.

Big noses are good for hunting with, help you smell the prey.

The prey...is that my dog lying there...did you bite my dog?

Yes but he tasted like a dog's dinner.

You killed my dog?!

Yes.

Oh.....So I guess you are going to try and eat me now are you?

That would be the general idea.....

What the... Oh hi, honey...so you found the shotgun...shame about the neighbor...now the night is still young, how about that kiss?