I'm Only the Trombone Player

13 Days In October 1962

In October of 1962, the first big news story I can remember happened, The Cuban Missile Crisis and the subsequent blockade of Cuban ports by the United States Navy. The Soviet Union, then led by Nikita Khrushchev, began assembling Nuclear ballistic missiles on Cuba. To counter the threat, The United States blockaded Cuban ports to prevent the arrival of additional troops and missile parts. For thirteen days, the United State and the Soviet Union were on the brink of war.

The situation ended peacefully when an agreement was worked out in back-channel negotiations between Attorney General Robert Kennedy, and Soviet advisor, Anatoly Dobrynin. The missiles were removed from Cuba after a public pledge by the US not to invade Cuba, and the secret agreement to remove US missiles from Turkey.

At least that was the official story, it wasn't until I stumbled across an old notebook full of monkey scribbles that I learned the real story!

It all started back in September of '62, Andre was just a teenage monkey, hanging out in a banana grove. He didn't have a care in the world, there were plenty of bananas to be had, he had a brand new kazoo and all was right in the world. Then it happened, Andre's dad decided it was time Andre got his first job. Andre didn't like it one bit, it interfered with his kazoo lessons, but Dad was adamant. So off to work he went. His first week went well, better than he expected work to be. His boss was great, the bar was a neat place to work, and he discovered vodka. The band even let him sit in on kazoo once in a while. It was all a young monkey could ask for in a first job.

Then in late September Andre noticed a change in the bar, swaggering men, wearing checkered shirts   took over, almost forcing the usual crowd out some nights. The men often cleaned out the stock of wadka, much to Andre's chagrin, he was really starting to develop a taste for vodka. He resented the men in checkered shirts. He also suspected there were up to something naughty since they kept going back to their boats and hiding during the day.

Always a suspicious monkey, Andre decided to let a cousin who lived in the Smithsonian’s National Zoo   know, Andre's cousin agreed that these guys were hinky and he kicked it up the line to PINCUS (Primate in Charge US), who in turn notified his counterpart in the hooman government.

Here's where the facts get fagazzi, it seems that the negotiations between the two governments weren't going well. Even attempts at end-runs by hooman President's brother were stalling. PINCUS realized drastic and unprecedented steps had to be taken to stop the hoomans from upsetting the banana barge.

He arranged contact between Andre and a doggie named Pushinka  . Pushinka had a very fine pedigree, she was the daughter of a Russian Cosmonaut named Strelka and was very respected in the Soviet Union. She had even gotten away with eating one of Nikita's shoes while he addressed the United Nations.

Andre and Pushinka stayed up for thirteen straight nights, drinking Wadka and Baykal and eating banana pirozhkis. They actually had an agreement hammered out on Day Two, but were having so much fun drinking and eating, they forgot to tell anyone for eleven days.

When news of the agreement reached Moscow and Washington, hooman leaders knew they needed to take credit, keep the negotiations secret. So they concocted a cover story that stands up until now.

But now You know the truth!!

We all know what happened to Andre, and his rise to ownership of the Banana Bar. But in case you are wondering about Pushinka, she was secretly sent to the White House, to serve as unofficial Ambassador, she settled in nicely and was rumored to have had an affair with a Welsh Terrier named Charlie, who was rumored to be an unofficial Ambassador from the UK.