Comedy Dialogs Archive

Needles & Needling

Hello, I'm home, just had the Johnson & Johnson vaccine. In 2 weeks I am a free man. When are you going to get done?

Er...

Hey if you get Johnson & Johnson too then we could start planning holidays for next month. Shall I call for you and get you an appointment?

Johnson & Johnson is not the best one.

Maybe not but it is "once and you're done" with "baby soft skin" to boot. I can get you a BioNTech vaccine with the same people if you want the best one. It will take longer though.

You in a rush?

Why aren't you more excited about this?

People say these vaccines alter your DNA!? You could end up with strange growths or cancer or something.

Oh rubbish, none of these vaccines alter a person's genome! You could get cancer from walking past some guy smoking a fag on the street and there is no proof that any of the vaccines do that. Come on we have been caged up for a year it is time to party.

Don't you rubbish my feelings about this! You know you can still infect other people, even if vaccinated. Whole families have gotten covid after vaccination.

I am not rubbishing your feelings but you are being silly. I told you about my cousin's family getting covid after being vaccinated. 3 weeks after he caught it he ran a half-ironman and he worked the entire time he had it in home-office.

Well, I am not exactly as fit as your cousin.

That is not the point. The vaccines work, even if you catch covid you will be ok. Why are you fighting me on this? Would you not rather be sunning yourself on some Greek island.

Well actually...

Are you scared....why? What are you so scared of?

I am not scared?

Come on tell me.

Well is there a version of the vaccine that comes in pill form?

No, it is all needles, you know that...... are you scared of needles? Diddums, you scared of a little prick?

Well if I was I would never have married you.

Oh, really that was not what you were screaming last night, 'Oh, Oh, Oh ... you are so big!'

Maybe I was faking it.

Look it is a really small needle and it will be over in a moment.

You really know how to sell it to a girl, don't you? A little prick and premature ejaculation and then we are done.

Er did I say that? ...Wait I know that look. Are you winding me up for the fun of it?

Tee hee, I have an appointment booked for next week big boy, for the baby soft skin version of the vaccine. If I were really an anti-vaxxer you would be sleeping on the couch tonight.

I would have thought I would have had you figured out by now.

Not a chance, but you can book the flights to Greece.