Comedy Dialogs Archive

The Dog & Pony show

"You know that contest I won writing about sunsets," I said.

"Yes you told me about it, you showing off again?" replied my wife.

"No, it is just that he has posted a really odd prompt for this month and I do not know how to handle it."

"Oh right and what did he post?" She picked up her glass of red wine and took a sip looking at me curiously over the rim.

"The prompt reads: Since love is in the air this month, write a story about a romance between a dog and a pony. End your story with the line, 'Love hurts.'"

My wife burst out laughing and then spilled her glass of wine on the white carpet.

"He what? Is that even legal? Interspecies sex on a writers forum! That poor dog...Now, look what you made me do." She rushed to the kitchen coming back with cloths to absorb the liquid and then baking powder which she sprinkled over the stain.

"Well, maybe he meant some kind of Animal Farm type theme with the dog and the pony as metaphors for something," she finally said.

"Nope, that does not really work. The dogs were the security force for the arch-villain Napoleon aka Josef Stalin, and the pony or rather a donkey was a little too old for romance in Animal Farm. But I could do some kind of Romeo and Juliet, two species at war but love conquers all type theme. Ending it tragically."

"Except a dog and a pony!!! We are talking incompatible to the nth degree here."

"I just googled this and apparently monkeys have interspecies sex with deer."

"Monkeys will bonk anything if they are in the mood as will dogs. You should stay well away from this, it is a radioactive topic. How can anyone talk about sex between a dog and pony and come away looking good?"

"He said romance, not sex, any kind of animal sex would violate the 18 years limit he set for the rating. So maybe the dog and the pony fell in love and then the pony got trawled away for some manual labor and the sheepdog taken into the hills to tend the sheep. But they missed each other deeply, so love hurts."

"Lassie the dog and Peanut the pony, ah, sweet. But reality check, despite the hype, as a cat owner I can categorically deny all personality to both dogs and ponies. Dogs and ponies do not send each other Valentine's day cards, they are dumb brutes and it is all about humping in the end, sorry but no!"

"Ah wait I have another idea..."

"What?"

"I will do a piece on a Dog and Pony show."

"What has a highly promoted, over-staged event designed to sway or convince opinion for political or commercial ends got to with love though, let alone the agony of heartache?"

"Very simply the commercial theatre production they are promoting is a romance between a dog and a pony...Oh, bother I do not really have enough words left to actually describe the play but I have a way around that. You see basically, a man and his beautiful wife got together to promote their kids' play. So they did this Dog and Pony show all around town, on every street corner, to try and persuade people to turn up for the play which their kids were running. They wanted to ensure that the room was packed to the rafters for the production. But you know what?"

"What?"

"They were completely successful and they sold every ticket. However, they forgot to reserve two tickets for themselves so they missed the play."

"Oh, all that sacrifice and they did not even get to see their kids perform the dog and pony romance."

"Exactly, love hurts..."