Comedy Dialogs Archive

Hi ET

"Bugger, are you real, or am I just mighty drunk?"

"Goc Chang Sie Quoc Quang."

"Right, you do not even speak English my little green friend. You guys always speak English in the movies."

"No that was my name, moron, it is proper etiquette to introduce yourself first, is it not? I have studied your language."

"Oh right, my name is Fred, I have been isolated for much of the last three years due to the pandemic so pardon my manners. This is just about the first time I have been out and about for all that time. First person I meet has to be a frigging alien."

"I am not a frigging alien! I am the ambassador of a great and noble race of travelers who are interested in establishing an embassy here on earth."

"So whose idea was it to grab the first person you meet on the street to start intergalactic relations with?"

"You are not the first. The first phase is always to learn the dominant language from space by listening to transmissions and conversations. The second phase is to interact with what we call normals, people like yourself, to get a feel for the culture. Then the third phase is to build an embassy."

"I guess that makes sense, so where have you been?"

"Well, our first trip was to Wuhan in China, about three years ago."

"You were in Wuhan when covid started. "

"Yes, at that time we thought Chinese was the dominant global language because there are more Chinese speakers than English speakers. We have since revised our analysis. We tried some of the local delicacies, raw bat meat for example, but they did not really agree with our digestive systems and we ended up vomiting all over the marketplace there. People started getting sick and so we thought we'd retreat a while and take stock. It has taken this long to get back to health."

"Oh great, sounds like you started the friggin pandemic. You realize that killed six and a half million people and ruined a great many more people's lives. Scientists were looking for a third animal linking the bat disease to humans, guess no one thought about aliens."

"Maybe, there are always risks in first encounters. In the long run, interaction is better than staying hidden though. What is that you are eating?"

"It is called a hot dog and is tasty with onions and sauce."

"Dog meat, great we have not tried that yet..."

"No, not a dog, it is just called that, it is normally pork but are you sure you should be eating the local cuisine? Look what happened last time..."