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A collection of stories about my family's trip to the movies going sour quite fast! |
It was December 26, 2022, and it was the day after Christmas. It was also the 3rd day of your ongoing battle with the utility companies! It was because of their greedy asses that you and your family had to spend the Holidays in the dark and had to go outside into the bushes to "do your business." Yesterday, you were deciding how to feed the family since you can't work the ovens without power! Just then, you decided to order up Chinese take-out! You order up about $400 worth of it, even though that money could of been spent on the utility bills earlier to avoid all of this misery. As you left the house, your sister would start bitching, saying that she wanted some Christmas ham. You tell her that it wasn't going to happen because the utility companies are being greedy right now and no power means no oven, and no oven means no Christmas ham! She would let out a deep sigh before you all left to pick up Chinese for Christmas dinner! Today, you still have no working appliance in the kitchen, and you may have to throw out some food, thanks to those pricks! Just then, you decided what to get for lunch! Some yummy pizza! You then leave with your girlfriend and head over to your favorite pizzeria! You would pick up the usual pizzas and head back to your SUV. You would then open up your pizza and notice right away that something isn't right with it... The pizza looks like whoever was making it took bites out of the crust and then drooled all over it! You just shake it off and take two bites out of the pizza. After you do, you cringe all over as the pizza dough tasted like leather shoes! At this point, you get fed up and storm back into the pizzeria and demanded to talk to the person who made the pizza. You talk to the owner of the place and tell him about how you think your pizza was bit into by one of his chefs. He then laughs and tells you that you have lost your mind and to get out! You say fine and storm out, ruined pizza in hand! You then storm by a dumpster and chuck the pizza in before you climb back into the SUV before you get driven home by your girlfriend. That night, you would turn on a battery powered device and would start up a movie on Youtube as your girlfriend goes outside to "do her business." After a while, she would come back in and, instead of coming right back into the bedroom, walks into the kitchen to grab something. You think she is grabbing a snack or something and go back to watching your video. After a while, without warning, some paper would get thrown into your face. You get startled and look at them. It was your overdue utility bills. You ask your girlfriend what is up and she starts to say while pissed off. "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!!!" "OK look, I know you are getting fed up with this, but we have to remain strong and keep fighting these utility companies! If we don't keep up with the fight, they will win and..." "WHO CARES IF THEY WIN?!? I'M SICK AND TIRED OF HAVING TO SHIT IN THE BUSHES LIKE A LITERAL BITCH!" "Like I said, I know it's not comfortable, but we really do need to continue our fight with the greedy utility companies and..." "I HAVEN'T TAKEN A SHOWER IN ALMOST A WEEK! AND OUR KIDS ARE STARTING TO STINK, OUR HOUSE IS STARTING TO STINK, AND OUR BACKYARD SMELLS LIKE A SEPTIC TANK! OUR GARDEN IS HALF FULL OF HUMAN SHIT AND PISS!!!" "And again, I know it's miserable, but it's important that we put these utility companies in their place! If we don't, they are going to keep jacking up their rates, tack on more fees and..." "AND WHAT IF THE NEIGHBORS SAW WHAT WE ARE DOING IN THE BUSHES?!? THEY WOULD THINK WE HAVE GONE CRAZY!!!" "No they won't, they didn't even see you! And if they did, I would of given them a good explanation and..." "THEY PROBABLY ALREADY KNOW SOMETHING IS UP, BECAUSE WE HAD ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE AT OUR HOUSE ON CHRISTMAS WEEKEND, AND SAW A GOOD NUMBER OF THEM RELIEVING THEMSELVES IN OUR GARDENS! THEY ALREADY KNOW OUR SHIT HAS BEEN CUT OFF!" "Ok well, again, I will answer them if they get nosey and..." "JUST PAY THE DAMN BILLS AND END THIS MADNESS!!!" "Ok, I will when they become more affordable and..." Just then, she would storm out of the room and into the closet. You would wonder what she is doing until she throws an empty duffel bag across the room. She then angrily runs back up to you and starts yelling again. "YOU HAVE 10 GODDAMN SECONDS TO START PAYING THE BILLS OR I'M PACKING THIS BAG, LEAVING THIS LITERAL SHIT HOLE, AND TAKING THE KIDS WITH ME!" "Again, I will pay when they choose to lower the amount owed and..." "JUST PAY THE GODDAMN BILLS!" Eventually, you give in to defeat and go online on your device and start paying the bills. You had to pull some money out of your savings in order to afford the bills since you splurged out so much on Chinese take-out and pizza! The next day, on the 27th, Everything gets cut back on like magic! Later that day, your girlfriend would be dancing with joy as she finally gets the shower she wanted! You would give her a fake smile, as you are now left broke after paying ALL of those utility bills...the greedy bastards... Later that week, on the 30th, while hopping mad at both the utility companies, and at your asshole brother Ross, you decided to make a fateful trip back to the new movie theater. You would get dropped off by some friends outside of the movie theater. As you head to the ticket stands, you look in your wallet and see that...you are still flat broke! Thanks to those greedy utility companies, YOU NOW DON'T HAVE A DAMN DOLLAR TO YOUR NAME! You then decided to go with Plan B. You reach into your backpack and pull out a sign... That's right, YOU ARE NOW LITERALLY BEGGING FOR SOMEONE TO BUY YOU A TICKET TO SEE THE NEW AVATAR MOVIE! Eventually, someone who is claiming to be the manager of the place, comes up and asks what you are doing. You tell the manager that you are waiting for someone to buy you a ticket! The manager thinks you are being ridiculous and asks you to leave! You start to get a bit cranky and say, "I will not leave until a kind soul comes out and buys me a movie ticket to my specifications!" The management then storms back into the building with a huff. Some time later, police arrive and ask you to leave also. You again tell them that you are not leaving until a kind soul buys you a movie ticket to your specifications. An officer than tells you that you are being trespassed from the theater for the day and to please leave! You again, say, "With all due respect officer, I'm not leaving until a kind soul buys me a movie ticket to my specifications!" "LEAVE NOW OR YOU WILL BE ARRESTED!" "Again, with all due respect officer, I'm not leaving until..." Before you could finish, an officer fires a taser at you and, oh boy that fucker really hurts! Just then, you start to wail like a baby as officers move in to arrest you! As you get hauled off to jail, you continue to wail like a newborn baby as you realize that you are going to be spending New Year's in jail! Meanwhile, Ross's date would hear of your arrest and posts a video as a reply to your latest Facebook post: |