Up Through The Thermals

Chapter Four

Tyler spent much of that day just resting and enjoying the deck and the view. He watched for the vultures, but they all seemed to be flying off in the distance.

It must have been about 5:00 or 5:30 in the evening when Tyler woke from his nap and glanced down the hill to see one solitary vulture standing by the fawn. Tyler smiled and watched as the vulture tore at the fawn with his beak where Tyler had opened it up. As Tyler watched, the vulture watched him but did not seem stressed that Tyler was there. Tyler would even speak to the vulture a little. "Hey, vultch!" "It's so nice to see you!" "You sure are beautiful!". Tyler was excited that there was a vulture there. He realized he didn't think any would show up. "Hey Vulch, tell your friends. Let's have a party!"

The following morning Tyler walked out to the meadow. It was quiet, with about half of the fawn left, and the possum seemed to have moved a little. It also looked as if something may have torn into it some. "Better take a little drive," he thought.

Tyler drove back down the mountain, always looking to find some more roadkill to offer his friends. About three miles down from the cabin, he came across a raccoon right in the middle of the road. Luckily other than the hit that killed it, it didn't seem that any other cars had struck it. Tyler put on a glove and placed the raccoon in the back of the truck.

He drove further down the mountain, seeing nothing more. He thought he should move up the hill but was unusually weary this morning. He just felt like he wanted to sleep. When he got to the driveway, he pulled in, locked the gate behind him, and parked by the cabin. Tyler went in and dropped onto the bed, falling asleep almost instantly.

Tyler awoke several hours later, feeling much better. He had a bit to eat and then looked up at the clock. It was 1:15. He grabbed the raccoon from the back of the truck and walked toward the meadow. As he was walking along the trail, he saw the shadow of a turkey vulture passing by as he looked up through the trees. It had already passed, and as he reached the meadow, he was greeted by the most beautiful sight; there were now five vultures feeding on the fawn. When they saw him, they all stopped and stepped away. Tyler approached slowly with the raccoon. Two vultures took off in flight, and the other three waddled off a little further. Another vulture flew off when Tyler tossed the raccoon down near the possum. Tyler quickly backed off and gave them all some space. He thought he recognized one of the two who had stayed as the Vulture from the night before. He had a distinctive black blotch on top of his red head. He decided to call him "Chip" after a childhood friend who died too young. "Hey Chip, hope you and your friends will stick around a little."

Tyler debated leaving to let the vultures all return but decided to lay out on the chaise. He had nothing else to do; it was far enough away that it should not disturb the vultures. It was not long before they were all back and enjoying the feast.

Tyler enjoyed watching the vultures between little naps. He would wake to see them still there, some eating, some standing back. They were going through this roadkill fast! He realized he would need to find even more roadkill to keep them coming here.

That evening he decided he better take a drive, so shortly before sunset Tyler hopped into his truck and headed down the mountain. He had driven several miles and was starting to worry that he may not find anything when he came across a possum lying on the side of the road, conveniently at a pullout. Putting on a glove, Tyler quickly loaded the possum into the back of his truck. "That's a start," he thought.

Tyler drove to the bottom of the mountain. He turned around and headed up the hill, past the driveway. Going as far as possible and finding no more roadkill disappointed him. He had always imagined himself spending at least a week or so collecting and feeding roadkill to the vultures. Maybe he would need to expand his drives beyond this road on this mountain. Tyler drove back to the cabin. He would leave the possum in the back of the truck until morning.

He felt tired but lit the gaslights and built a fire in the fireplace. He then fixed himself some dinner, which he ate while enjoying the dancing flames in the old stone fireplace. At about 1:00 am, Tyler woke up on the old sofa, the fire out. After stepping outside to relieve himself, Tyler headed to bed for a restful, dreamless sleep.

The sound of screeching tires awoke him around 4:00 am. He figured it was kids racing around the mountain. He tried to go back to sleep but lay there in bed contemplating the lack of roadkill, his brother and sister, and this whole plan. But then he felt minor body pains and remembered he had cancer. He recalled his previous treatment, Wendy's treatments, and those last few months before she passed. He knew he was ready for this. It made sense to him. It felt strangely meaningful.

Tyler got up and made himself a cappuccino. He would wait until it lit up outside, then drive around until he found some more roadkill. He ate a little granola and some yogurt and went to his truck.

Tyler unlocked the gate and decided to head down the mountain and start driving from there. As he pulled onto the highway, he screeched to a stop. Right there, across the road, was a big dead buck! He could not believe it! "That's what those screeching tires were.", he thought. He had no idea how, but he was going to get that deer out to the meadow. Tyler turned around and drove back to the cabin. He hoped he'd be able to find some rope lying around somewhere. Then he remembered the rope he used to tie in the furniture. It was behind the seat. After backing down the driveway to the highway, he grabbed the line from behind the seat of his truck. A car drove by, heading down the mountain. Tyler ran out to the deer and tied the rope around its head. He then backed the truck up and tied the rope to the bumper, leaving about five feet of rope between the deer and the truck. He felt panicked like he might get caught. Getting in the truck, Tyler slowly pulled the deer across the highway and down the driveway, stopping at the trail leading to the meadow.

Still panicky, Tyler untied the rope from the truck and then drove to the cabin, where he grabbed a rake. Tyler hated that he was feeling scared and guilty. He'd had to deal with these feelings his whole life, so often, worried that what he would be doing was wrong and he would get caught. He drove back out to the highway to see how obvious it was that somebody had dragged the deer. There was blood but not as much as he feared. One could see that the deer had been pulled across the highway, but the good news was that the driveway was dirt, and he would be able just to rake the drag marks away. He decided that all would be fine if it didn't look like someone had dragged the deer down the driveway. He pulled the truck back inside the gate and raked any evidence away. After locking the gate and driving toward the cabin, he walked back and raked most of the roadway. Between the panicking and all the raking, Tyler was feeling beat. After parking the truck, he collapsed in the cabin, tired but content.

After napping for a couple of hours, Tyler got up and ate a banana and nuts. He grabbed the tarp from the back of the truck and tossed the possum on it, dragging it to where the deer was at the trailhead. Tyler carried the possum out to the meadow and left it near where the other one had been. The vultures weren't around, but it was still pretty early in the day.

The deer was heavy, and Tyler felt weak, but he needed to get this deer out to the meadow. He laid the tarp out next to the buck, grabbed it by the horns, and dragged it onto the tarp. The tarp kept folding under itself, so he would have to lift on the deer, pull it a little way over the tarp, and then go back and yank it under the deer as far as he could. It took him 30 minutes to finally have the deer on the tarp.

He returned to the cabin and grabbed a water bottle and a plastic chair off the porch. He went back to the deer and sat on the chair. After a few minutes, Tyler got up and tried pulling on the tarp. He managed to pull the deer a foot or so toward the meadow. He wished he had one of those "come a long's." He could hook one end to the deer and the other to one of those trees near the meadow. But he didn't have one of those with him. He considered driving to town to purchase one. He pulled on the tarp again and moved the deer another foot. He thought back to when he was younger and healthier. He could have dragged that buck to the meadow in minutes. He decided he would just pull and rest, pull and rest, even if it took all day. “Worse case, it will kill me,” he chuckled.

So, that's what he did. He would pull once or twice and sit down. It didn't take him all day, but it was well into the afternoon when he and his buck finally reached the meadow. Tyler decided that was far enough and declined to try to move it closer to the view deck.

Looking toward the view deck, he saw that "Chip" and two other vultures were at the possum. "Hey, come down here for some venison when you finish there." With the meadow slope, Tyler could pull the deer off the tarp and get it to roll a little down the hill. He pulled out his knife and made some cuts, starting with opening up its belly.

Feeling exhausted, Tyler returned to the cabin and fell fast asleep, waking just after 4:00 pm. Curious about the deer and the vultures, he crept out to the meadow. As he approached, several vultures flew up, startled. They did not go far, choosing to stay close to their meal. As Tyler stood a little ways back, the vultures slowly returned. There were seven of them, including Chip. There was still a lot of the carcass left, and Tyler hoped it would last them a couple more days at least.

That night as Tyler slept, he was awakened by the howling of coyotes out in the meadow. He just hoped they didn't devour that deer. He tried to get up but felt so much pain in his back that he had to lay back down. This worried him greatly. He realized that he overdid it yesterday, moving that big old buck. He managed to get himself up. He took some ibuprofen and laid back down.

At first light, he managed to get up and walk out to the meadow. There was still a fair amount of the deer left, although it had been dragged and scattered around a little. After checking out the deer, Tyler looked up to see that Chip and the other vultures were roosting up in a tree not too far from the deer carcass. "Good morning, guys!" he chirped and returned to the cabin.

Tyler was not feeling hungry but forced himself to drink an awkwardly made smoothie of yogurt, bananas, and strawberries. He'd wished he had a blender. Feeling nauseous, he laid down, thinking about how that buck kicked his ass yesterday. Tyler had not felt this sore or sick up to this point. It worried him that he might not have the strength to keep collecting roadkill. No more deer, that's for sure. Before throwing up his smoothie, he realized he had to consider moving ahead with his plan sooner rather than later.

Tyler took some more ibuprofen and a couple of Benadryl and laid back down. Before falling into a deep sleep, Tyler remembered a day in middle school when he walked home and came across three older boys from his school. They had rocks in their hands and were trying to sneak up on several vultures, drying their wings on a split rail fence. Tyler ran between the boys and the vultures. Of course, the vultures all flew up into the sky.

"Hey, asshole!" one of the boys yelled.

"Just leave them alone," Tyler whined. He hated when he whimpered.

"Fuck you!" says the kid as he rushes over and pushes Tyler to the ground, his friends watching on. "They're just fucking buzzards."

As Tyler stood up, the kid approached him and punched him in the solar plexus, totally knocking the wind out of him and leaving him gasping for breath.

"Come on, Rod, let's go." said one of his friends. "He's just a loser."

After catching his breath, Tyler remembered looking up to see one of the vultures in a nearby tree. He wondered now if maybe it was Chip. Tyler fell into a deep sleep.

When he awoke, he was still sore from the activity the day before but felt better than earlier. He didn't feel like eating, but he felt like he should eat something. He had brought soup cans, so he figured chicken noodle might work. He heated a can and sat down, eating it with some saltines. That seemed to do the trick for now, and he felt it would stay down at least.

Tyler decided to walk out to the meadow and devise a final plan. His weakness scared him, and he wanted to ensure he had the strength to finish what he had started.

He counted eight vultures out in the meadow. That was the most he had seen. The newer arrivals seemed to fly off a little, while those who had grown used to him paid little attention.

Tyler sat in the plastic chair on the edge of the meadow, watching these beautiful raptors as they picked away at the deer and possum carcasses. There was an occasional skirmish here and there, but overall it was a peaceful event as they shuffled and hopped around their meals. Tyler noticed Chip standing apart from the others, looking his way. He was watching Tyler, not in a worried way but more in a curious way. Tyler felt like Chip was trying to connect with him somehow. He would look right into Tyler's eyes, and then his head would tilt a little. Tyler just sat there, staring back. Chip took several steps closer until he was maybe 10 feet away. He looked again into Tyler's eyes, tilted his head, and stared. Tyler felt goosebumps all over his body. At first, he was unsure what this meant, but he knew it felt like a powerful and meaningful moment. And then, as he looked into Chip's dark brown eyes, he knew that his relationship with Chip was not new, nor was it over.

Tyler decided that he would make one more roadkill run. He would go first thing in the morning. He spent the rest of that day napping and walking out to the meadow. The vultures seemed fairly content now; many seemed full and not particularly interested in the carcasses. They seemed more interested in spreading their wings and drying them in the sun. But just as Tyler thought he'd overfed them, he noticed a couple more flying in from above and three more a few minutes later. It reminded Tyler of family reunions he'd been to. He remembered reading that when vultures had an abundance of food, they would sometimes invite other vultures to come and join in the feast.

Tyler noticed Chip, who had been perched on a fence post drying his wings, was watching him again. Tyler moved a little closer but not too close. A couple of other vultures took off up through the treetops. "Hey Chip," he said quietly. Chip kept one eye on him. "Do I know you, Chip? Do we have a past?" Tyler was feeling overwhelmed by his feelings. He had never been good at understanding emotions, especially his. The problem was that since enduring the abuse as a child, Tyler had never really let himself experience his feelings and always had difficulty determining what emotion he was even feeling at any one time. He began to sob. Tyler had not cried since he was four years old. With his sobs getting louder, Chip sat watching him as the other vultures moved away. Tyler sat there, weeping for a good 20 minutes. He cried for the little boy who had lost his innocence too young and had never allowed himself to cry. He cried for the adolescent who would never let himself play baseball, who would never mess around with the other boys. He cried for the teenager who never went to a school dance or graduation. And then he cried for the man who could never cry, not even when he lost a loved one. His weeping pained him at first, but he felt calmness in his spirit by the end. As Tyler looked up, he could see that Chip was watching him. Chip lifted his shoulders, straightened his back, and shuddered, his wings fluttering and flattening. He opened his wings and flew up through the treetops. Tyler felt exhausted. He returned to the cabin, where he remained until the following day.

When Tyler awoke, he felt even lighter, like he had lost the weight he had been carrying in his soul. But his physical body was feeling so weak. He also had no appetite. He didn't even feel like making his morning cappuccino. He got out of bed, and as the sun rose, he walked out to the meadow. There were bits of carcasses and bones spread all over the place. Chip and the other vultures were still roosting nearby. Tyler said his "good mornings" and wandered back to the cabin. He was sad, wishing he had someone to talk to and confide in about his plan. But, here he was, alone and dying of cancer with his closest confidant roosting out by the meadow. He had always been so excited about this idea, and now he wasn't sure. Should he have gone with the chemo again? But that sucked; he knew he never wanted to extend his life that way so that he could feel sick and like shit for a few extra months. At least he had been able to do pretty much everything he wanted to these last few months. The fact was, he was dying. He could have done it lying around at home feeling sick and weak from chemo with everyone waiting on him and feeling sorry for him, but he chose to come up here to this beautiful mountaintop and go in a way he chooses, in a way he has always known he would go.

Tyler started his truck, drove out the gate, and on up the mountain. It was a beautiful morning, warm and comfortable. He rolled down the window. He was about two miles up the road when he came upon a large raccoon with its head run over. Tyler put on a glove and placed it in the back of the pickup. He drove on, reaching the end of the road, where he got out and covered the raccoon with the tarp.

Tyler drove past the driveway on the way down the mountain. He stopped at the small store with the payphone and parked. Tyler stared at the phone booth, realizing how long it had been since seeing one. He remembered when he and Jill were kids; she had gone in one but couldn't figure out how to get out.

Tyler just happened to be riding on his bike and saw her crying. He was sure he probably teased her before showing her she needed to pull the door towards her, not push it out.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Jill! Do you remember when you locked yourself in the phone booth?"

"Tyler! Yes, I remember. I'm so glad you called."

"Did I tease you before I let you out?"

"I don't remember, but I am sure you did."

"I'm sorry for that."

"Tyler, how is it going?"

"It's good. It's so beautiful up here. Lots of vultures too."

"Oh, you and you're vultures. Well, I am glad for you. Are you getting lonely up there?"

"No, it's barely been a week yet. Give me another week or two."

"How's your health? Have you decided to start the chemo when you get back? You know I can be there for you whenever you need me."

"I know. I haven't been thinking about that too much yet. Just been enjoying this mountain living."

"Are you eating? Do you have any pains? Talk to me."

"I'm good, really. Sure there are some aches and pains, and I have plenty of food, so don't you worry none about me."

"Right! I always worry about you."

"I'm almost out of change. Can you call Ben and tell him all is well on my mountain?"

"Call me back, collect!"

"I'll have to call collect on my next call cause I'm almost out of change. I put most of it in for this call."

"Call next week then, and I'll call Ben."

"It will probably be the week after."

"And I need the address there."

“Okay. Hey Jill, I love you so much."

"I love you too, Ty."

Tyler hung up and sighed.

He drove further down the mountain. He didn't find any more roadkill, but he found a Safeway Supermarket not far off the highway. He bought several large roasts and some fish, charging it on his debit card.

Tyler arrived back at the cabin and parked near the meadow trail. A few of the vultures were picking through what was still left lying around.

"Hey guys, here is some raccoon, beef, and fish. Only the best for you guys." Tyler tossed it all out for his friends.

He saved one roast, thinking; he might want to throw it out there tomorrow. He looked around for Chip. There were at least a dozen vultures, but it was hard to pick out Chip without seeing his head straight on. He wasn't having any luck finding Chip and decided just to walk back to the cabin. He was tired, and though he didn't have much appetite, he knew he should try to eat something.