Meth: a Ticking Timebomb Gone Viral

I'm Tired Of Riding This Roller-Coaster

I'm all over the show at the moment. Up one minute and down the next. It's to be expected, I suppose. Brain chemistry isn't going to revert instantly back to normal. The highs and the lows continue and will do for a while yet, I assume. I feel very alone right now. I'm missing Mom, and even missing going to visit her. I made some friends where she lived, but I can't see myself going there now that she's gone. It's a sad place really, where everyone is just waiting to die.

I was so happy when my family accepted the payout offer, but it means this house, my home for the last ten years and the place I grew up in, will soon be sold, and this new life I have been looking forward to for so long, will become a reality. Isn't it funny how we dream of this or that, but when that reality looms, we realise exactly what it is we must sacrifice in order to achieve it?

I'm scared of what I might find. What if this life in paradise isn't the life I foresaw? Yes, I will have more money once my home is sold, but money doesn't guarantee happiness, and I would rather be happy than rich. These people I plan on helping may see me as someone to try and take advantage of...in fact, there will be those who will try. What that will do to my headspace is anyone's guess.

I've never been good with uncertainty, and all this uncertainty is playing havoc with my life right now.

I know in my heart things will be Ok...but in my head, I am not so sure.