Randomly Writing

Horror Lesson 1

This is lesson 1 of "Horror Writing Lessons Hub" . The lesson is under passcode in "Lesson 1 - The Concept" . Ask Santeven Quokklaus if you decide you want to take part in his lessons on writing horror. It's only 250 GPs for the whole set of 8 lessons. You not only have assignments, but perhaps more importantly, you get feedback!

For assignment 1, I have to find a horror story, novel, or movie to talk about what scared me and what didn't to help me further identify what works and what doesn't. This has been VERY hard for me. I've read quite a few horror stories on here (and started even more that I didn't bother finishing) and am struggling to find something that really scares me. Sure, we're (mostly) not professionals on here, so I should know better, but still... I didn't want to take the shortcut and watch a scary movie because movies have so many more tools at their disposal with lighting, acting, sound, etc. That seems like cheating to me. lol But also, finding a horror story that truly scared me was a real challenge. I didn't succeed in that, but I found some that were creepy, so I might have to count that as good enough.

At the risk of offending the people who created these works, I am posting them here for my instructor's reference. While I can't say these truly scared the pants off me, like the author may have hoped, they were good enough to get included here, so the authors should be pleased. Plus, the scare issue might be more me than them. After Iraq, my whole scare thing changed and I ravenously consumed horror films to try to get SOME sort of feeling of fear in me. But I couldn't. Too many horrors of war had tainted me, I guess.

Anyway, to anyone whose story I link here, please take it as a compliment. Part of the assignment is to also say what doesn't work for me, so those parts aren't to be taken as severe criticism. It's just a part of what I'm required to do and simply a commentary on what doesn't work FOR ME--purely personal opinion and history, not to be taken personally by you. Also, I do apologize for not being able to clearly articulate what isn't working for me so that you may be able to learn and grow from it as well. I hate that. But I suppose that's part of the purpose of this exercise, to at least START learning to recognize and articulate what scares me and what doesn't.

I know I only needed to discuss 1 story, but I was really struggling with this assignment, so I thought I'd do more to (hopefully) help me learn more.


To the assignment...

The 1st story I chose is "Shrouded Perception" . This story, along with all the ones I chose (at least so far as I've done the assignment, but I guess we'll see by the end of this page) was chosen because it came up with the search of Horror/Scary in Reading with the keyword Roach since I planned to write my own horror story about roaches...though now I'm questioning if I can make it scary enough. I think I can make it yucky and might even be able to pull off a scene or two to make people's skin crawl, if I learn lots in this class, but can I create a true horror story? I'm now thinking perhaps not, but we'll see in the end, I guess...


Good grief, I can't stay focused! Okay, so this story starts with the main character free-falling. Yep, we're often "supposed" to start with some sort of action. If a writer had asked me if this concept would be a good starter, I'd have said it was...but it didn't work for me. I think sometimes the problem I have with things starting in the middle of the action is that I don't yet care about the character. Yeah, that's not confusing at all--start in the middle of the action, but I don't know the characters, so I don't care about the action happening to them. Again, this isn't about the author writing a good or bad story. This is about my own responses to it. I may not start my own with such dramatic action, even though it's a good rule of thumb. Breaking rules already...not a great start.

The first part in this story that really started to get to me was the part where the demon (I assume it is) told her to rise when she'd just been cut and was in pain and bleeding, lying on the floor, so she couldn't. He gets angry with her for not obeying, but she can't. I think this reaches into my own people-pleasing personality. I hate disappointing folks and REALLY hate getting into trouble. I can imagine how scary it would be to need to do what you are told, but physically (and probably also mentally) not be able to. I can't say for sure, but maybe a bit of a struggle to do what she is supposed to would build this feeling even further for me? Yeah, this assignment is going to show a whole lot more about me, my quirks, and my general personality than I (or it) probably intended.

When she is thrown into a pit, she breaks some bones. Granted, we don't know what, but then she's up "with the quickness of a fox." To me, I feel like she would at least be experiencing something from the broken bones. But perhaps they are minor body parts and the adrenaline is preventing her from noticing the pain? But then, why mention them now? Maybe save them as a discovery for later when she's sinking more into the reality of what's happening to her, or even when she begins to climb the wall? Perhaps this is too soon of a reveal. Though I'm writing this as I read, so maybe broken bones never come up again. I will have to keep reading to find out. (I did read enough to know I wanted to use this story. I found that first part about not being able to get up when she was supposed to disturbing and decided that was good enough given how many other stories I'd read that didn't do much for me at all, some even after reading the entire thing. But I've not finished this story, so some of my thoughts and expectations may not come to fruition in the end.)

I was looking forward to, if you can say that, the part about the roaches, since I am (was?) planning to write my own story about roaches. But I think it didn't have quite the impact it could have. I think the primary problem is that she's in the dark, but we're immediately told the thing crawling on her is a hissing cockroach. Now, maybe the sound of it gave it away, but do most folks know that sound and can instantly relate it to that animal? I don't think I could. I would probably initially think it's a snake. I think the idea of her being in the dark with something, then a bunch of somethings crawling on her would be much scarier if we didn't know what they were, at least not at first. So, again, too early of a reveal, I guess? On the good side, it's comforting to see the same thing happening with this author. If the biggest problem is revealing the danger too soon, that's something that can be fixed. If you have 200 different 'errors' (as I see it, but this is only MY opinion), that's a much bigger problem. lol Of course, this is all still my opinion and I'm only discovering these things as I read. I'm not trained in figuring out what is working in a story and why or, more importantly, what's not and why not. So, this is a bit frustrating to me. Part of why I didn't choose some stories (besides they didn't scare me at all) was that I had NO IDEA why they weren't scary. Annoying! Anyway, I assume the story will keep her in darkness, so maybe we would never get to see the hissing cockroaches. Would that make it more scary? To never know what was crawling on her? Or maybe she can figure it out later? I don't know. I do like that they are also biting her, though. I was going to include that in my own story. I don't think most folks know roaches can bite. I learned this from a person who grew up in homeless shelters and living on the streets and lived with rats and roaches many times. I was a bit horrified to discover roaches could bite! So, I'm glad this was incorporated here. Let's read on to see what happens...

And now there are spiders on her. I think they could have been introduced more slowly instead of now they are just on her scalp with no comment of how they got there. Falling from above? Crawling up her arm, but she couldn't get them off and decided to ignore them so she could keep climbing? Oh, well. I still wouldn't want spiders on me. lol

Now she's struggling against the burning heat of the wall she's climbing. It would definitely be horrific to have to push forward through not just pain, but through disfigurement. This part reminded me of Iraq. I can't recall if they were the same person or 2 different people because I've locked up a lot of the memories. But a tank (I think it was--or maybe a humvee? I can't recall exactly, but I think it was a tank...or maybe it's 2 different stories and so one of each) had caught on fire and people were trapped inside. A Soldier tried to save them. He burned his hands very badly, causing permanent damage as he wrenched open the door to free them. But this is where it gets murky. There was another Soldier--another incident? Or the same guy and he had to go back? I don't remember 100%. I only remember that he wasn't able to do it (again?). The metal was too hot and people died because he couldn't save them. He had TREMENDOUS survivor's guilt and no amount of praise or encouragement about what he'd tried to do (and maybe had done for the others) could comfort him in his time of "failure." So, maybe this part of her climbing the wall touches me more than the average person because of those stories. But while I get that she has "no choice" but to keep climbing if she wants to avoid what I assume is an eternity of damnation, but still, it's pretty horrifying to have to keep going through that as you are literally having skin burned off you. I think this reminds me a bit of the SAW movies where people have to hurt themselves to save themselves. That's pretty disturbing to me, apparently.

Some of the descriptions seem to really help me feel the tension like when the writer calls the increasing heat of the wall a "shrouded flame." I like that. It makes me have a different feeling about it rather than if the writer had just said, "It was really, really hot!"

The part about the roaches burying themselves in her ear canals wasn't as scary as it would be if it were really happening to me. Is it the description? Or that this is an idea/image we've heard about since kids? I'm not sure, but it didn't have the expected response from me. Also, as far as I know, hissing roaches are pretty big, so they couldn't get in there. But maybe this is a very small type? Or the babies? No idea, but I don't see how they got in there. I think my ability to suspend disbelief isn't quite what I need it to be these days.

She hears the laughter getting closer as she climbs the wall, but it refers to the laughter she'd been hearing since it all began. I didn't realize she'd been hearing what I now think is supposed to be non-stop laughter? I know the demon (or whatever) laughed a number of times. But I didn't think it was all laughing going on. Or is this other laughter? Or am I misunderstanding and this is not supposed to be understood as continuous laughter, only that the demon who had been laughing on and off when he was mean to her at the top of the pit is now laughing again? These questions break through my brain's attempts at immersing myself into the story. Yeah, I tend to overthink things.

Again, there's the questions that pull me out of the story. She hears an ominous sound. Yay! Oh, but it's the opposite wall closing in like a trash compactor. But if it's dark, how does she know this? And so quickly? There's no curiosity or dread of what the sound could be. It's fine if it's an assumption, but it's not described that way. Or is there more light as she gets closer to the top? That's fine, but again, not stated. I don't know how she knows these things. (SORRY WRITER! Remember, this is an assignment, NOT a review. I'm SUPPOSED to be picking apart the story for what works for me and what doesn't. )

And the questions continue with there now being spiders in her ears? What about the roaches? Did the 2 fight it out and the spiders won? Did the roaches leave and the spiders moved in? Surely they can't both fit. Also, I kind of thought of these as larger spiders, like maybe an inch, or at least a half inch, in size. Those wouldn't fit, at least not in my ear canals, thankfully. But then, I do have conveniently small (for keeping bugs out ) ear canals. Anyway, maybe if there was some reprieve and the roaches climbed out and she's all happy about that, THEN the spiders start climbing in, that might make this worse for me. Of course, the writer was possibly working within word count limits, so all my thoughts on how this might be more scary TO ME could all be something that simply couldn't be done within the confines of this item if it was written for a contest.

I did notice my breath change when the character is starting to experience claustrophobia. That's not my favorite thing. I've had the short, shallow breaths required when trapped and unable to breath normally and it's quite terrifying, so this part definitely grabbed me.

It wasn't scary, but there was a very real sense of satisfaction when the demon character introduced himself at last and told the character, who had been expected to be released, that she was home. Yeah, I'm warped. It's that 'just deserts' thing.

Interesting that the nurse commented about the main character being a menace in prison and on the streets. I had somehow pictured her as a corporate type. Yeah, VERY different idea, though I think it can work for both.

Also not scary, but also satisfying (a very important part to any story) was when the story ended with her beginning the whole thing all over again. I liked that. I like stories with a tidy resolution, especially if it's really something that genuinely scared me. I need to know it worked out for the characters so that I know can it can work out for me, too, should this happen to me. But also, in stories where I'm not that scared or where it's about a character getting what they deserved, not having a specifically positive resolution can be just as satisfying. And if the story scares you, it can keep the fear going by leaving open the possibility that it may happen again, especially to someone else. I'd planned on at least one (if not more) of my altered roaches escaping...assuming I continue on with that premise



The next piece I looked at for this assignment is "Invalid Item" . Writer, in case you didn't bother reading all the rest, this is an assignment, not a review. You are welcome to read what I write, of course, but this isn't intended to be a criticism of your story. It is an exploration of what works, IN MY OPINION, for making a story scary. I am supposed to include both the good and the bad bits. Don't take this personally! It's just an assignment.

In the 1st paragraph, the grandfather clock is described as watching the main character. I find this anthropomorphizing a bit creepy, so that's encouraging. I can see how that's a bit scary--inanimate objects that are supposed to be innocent, aren't they...but how do you know? I know that animal stories where the animal is evil tend to scare me more because I don't know what the animal is thinking...not that I can read human minds, but I can at least guess, right or wrong, and feel better about that--until I realize I'm wrong, at least.

The 2nd paragraph extends the anthropomorphic description, adding a tasty layer of concern about that clock.

The number 2 is coming up a lot. I'm wondering if there's going to be something scary that happens once and the anticipation of it happening a second time will build the fear factor. "Time" will tell... (It's a clock story, so that was a funny joke. ) Anyway, writer, in case you didn't read the other stuff, I'm doing my assignment as I read your story, so I don't know what will happen yet.

The character goes downstairs to see the clock, but is apparently, by the description, barefoot. Maybe they live in a household where they always take off their shoes, though many of these households have other, indoor, footwear so I'm not sure. But I know I don't go walking around in dark, creepy basements barefoot. This made me wonder about the character and what kind of sense they had, taking me out of the experience of the story. Maybe if the cold floor had managed to penetrate the soles of the shoes in a way that made it possible through mystery and creepiness, that would have been better for me. Though that would also have to be done with care so that I'm not like, "What's going on? Is this kid walking on an ice rink? How is the cold penetrating the shoes?" But I think that could be done...just my opinion.

I like how the time, demonic, and dead body references keep coming up, though this would need to be handled carefully in a long piece so the reader isn't like, "Yeah, I get it. Enough already." But in this short piece, at least as far as I've read, it's a nice addition.

The character approaches the clock and I like that they realize this is the 1st time they've ever touched it...and also how they squint so they don't notice if it comes to life. That seems like a very kid thing to do. But then when they can't open the front, they decide to knock on the face? Huh. Why? Yeah, yeah, we all do things that an observer would ask why we did that, but still, why? That brought me out again. When I'm scared of something, I don't go knocking on what seems to be the face of it. Maybe if the character acknowledged some unknowing of why they are doing it? Or if there's a real reason--their dad did this regularly and they want to feel close to him or they do it after noticing the time is wrong or whatever. Anyway, it made me wonder what they were doing and why, if they've never touched it before and find it so creepy they have to squint as they approach, why touch it more, and near the "mouth" or whatever, on the face. Seems like a dumb and unexplainable move to me and it made me question what was going on rather than going with the story. (Again, writer, remember this is simply an assignment! I'm also SUPPOSED to say what I didn't like!)

So, the kid sees a piece of paper in the clock and instantly decides the way to get it, since the front is glued shut, is to crawl underneath where they see a way to slide open the bottom. Nope. I don't buy it. First, this is the very first time they are touching the clock that has scared them for 2 years, so they automatically decide to crawl under it? Maybe they would look under first? Then see the handles and decide they had to crawl under there to be able to reach all the way into the clock? Second, who just crawls under something without looking to see if there is a reason to first? This made no sense to me. Why would you assume there's a way into the clock from the bottom? Did the kid see from the front of the clock that the bottom looked removable? Did he peek underneath and see the handles? Nope. He just decided to crawl under this demonic timepiece with no questions asked and no real reason stated, except that they somehow assumed it would allow them to access this piece of paper they needed to see. I don't buy it. Of course, this is for a contest with a fairly limited word count, though the writer didn't fill the max, so I think there was a little space to maybe explain this, IMO. But there weren't a lot of remaining words, so many of my questions throughout the piece could well be because of the limited words available.

6 minutes elapse in the story as the kid crawls under the clock, opens the bottom, gets a piece of paper, crawls out, and reads 1 sentence. I think that's too much time and wonder if there's a purpose for it being 6 minutes--a demonic number, perhaps? Or they just think it would take longer than I think it would?

Hmmm...I've now reached the end and am questioning what the deal with the 2 was. Maybe it will hit me later? That's always fun when you ponder a story later and discover new things. Or maybe the author didn't go anywhere with that. Nah, likely I just didn't get it. Okay, but still, this story ends with the pamphlet talking about a genetic disease. Why was the pamphlet stuck INSIDE the clock AND the front glued shut? Seems weird to me. I liked the reason for the 9:10, but don't quite see how the character reached the conclusion they did, that it was about the genetics. And while I don't know a TON about clocks, I have played with their inner workings and have made several, so I'm not following how the other hands are frozen, but the second hand is fine. Maybe this is just story magic or maybe I'm not remembering as much about how clocks work as I think I am, but I don't think this is how it can be without some sort of special explanation, at least that the kid didn't know how his dad did it. And, TBH, I was a bit disappointed that there was so much creep factor that led to the clock, expecting it to somehow be alive, even demonic, when, in fact, it was just a clock. That was a bit of a letdown to me. I realize the true terror was in the discovery of likely having a fatal disease, but still, the story didn't lead me in that direction, so I don't feel the full impact of that. But remember writer, this is all my opinion about things. You won, so congratulations and for the number of stories I had to read to find ones that I liked well enough to pick apart, be proud that yours was chosen, even if you don't love everything I wrote about it. It's a winner--literally.



This next one is really brief because it's a poem. There's no mention of roaches, so I have no idea why it came up in my search, but it did. Most stories from my search were not chosen and, as expected, most poems weren't. But this one had some creep to it that I liked, even if the ending, while fun, wasn't what I wanted/needed for this particular assignment. But then, this poem wasn't written for me and this assignment. Anyway, I chose "Scary Sounds Drawing Nearer" . Writer, if you didn't read the previous stuff, I'm doing this for a horror writing assignment and am expected to pick it apart to say what worked for me and what didn't. This isn't a review, but is an assignment, so don't take it personally. I read quite a few things before settling on the items I did, so be proud, not discouraged, by my comments.

This is written in 1st person. I normally don't care for 1st person stuff, specifically, but so far, 2 of the 3 things I chose are in 1st person. Maybe it's coincidence. Maybe it's that I like 1st person more than I think I do. Or maybe 1st person POV goes better with horror because we can put ourselves in the character's position better...but then, if they act in ways I wouldn't, perhaps that pulls me out faster as well? I'm not sure.

The nice, rhythmic sounds of the poem are pleasing. I'd love it if I could write entire stories that are actually stories, not poems, but that have a sort of poetic feel to them. But I don't think that's in my wheelhouse, at least not at this time with my experience and skills. I think you can do better scares with this type of feel, but you can still use pacing, word/sentence length, and such to build suspense, even if it's not as great as poetic suspense.

We are experiencing this with the character. We know what they see and hear and even know their courage is deserting them. We get some sense of their fear though the word choice, though we are also straight up told they are afraid. Not too many powers of deduction needed for that. This might have been more powerful if we'd been shown their fear instead of told they were afraid. But I don't want to see it as the typical goosebump scenario.

If I wasn't seeking out specifically scary items, I would have liked this ending better. It's fun and unexpected. But for what I wanted/needed and what it was building up to, I didn't care for it. Again, writer, I do apologize for the criticism of your poem. Remember, it's me, not you.

And be sure to check out my challenge

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The Contest Challenge  (13+) Join by entering a contest a month for 12 months--Win Badges! Catching up is allowed! #2109126 by Schnujo's NOT Doing NaNoWriMo

and my contest

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The Whatever Contest -- Closed for Now  (13+) This irregular contest will change each round. Nature poem? Horror story? Whatever. #2232242 by Schnujo's NOT Doing NaNoWriMo