Meth: a Ticking Timebomb Gone Viral

Anger Is Not Antiquated, No Matter How Civilised We Become

Without drugs in my life, everything is so much easier (ahhh, durrrr). But here's something that most people wouldn't take into account. It goes back to the old, positive vs negative effect, and there always being some of both in every situation.

You see, while I am using meth, it's like I am quite literally dragging a weight behind me...emotionally, mentally and physically. Now, this extra burden, whilst having an extremely negative effect when I am using, once I stop, it's like the weight is suddenly removed and all aspects of my life become so much easier. I cope better with stress, train with determination and have energy to burn. I'm also more content and accepting of things I have no control over.

I hope I will realise all of this when my thoughts go back to the high...remembering the weight that if I decide to take on, will drag me down yet again.

At the group meeting last night, I felt something I rarely do these days...anger. God (or whoever it was that entrusted us with emotions) gave us this useful emotion for fight or flight situations. I like to imagine one of my forefathers being confronted by a crisis where his offspring are being threatened by a Sabre Toothed Tiger, and instead of fear, anger took over and he successfully defended his children. Because if instead, he had run away, perhaps I may never have been born.

Anger doesn't have as glorious a place in modern society as when my ancestor put his life on the line for me to have a chance to exist. But that doesn't mean it is completely redundant. Many years ago, I did a better men's course (a domestic violence course). There, over twelve weeks, I learned how to be assertive, and not passive-aggressive as I had been before. It would be nice to think we can negotiate our way through life, without having to get angry. But, no matter how civilised we become, there will always be a time when negotiation fails, and we must make a stand...fight or flight. You will not find anyone more against war than I am, but unless we are willing to stand up to tyranny, we will eventually all become slaves to a regime.

In the meeting last night, two guys arrived late. One had attended the week before for the first time, the other was a newbie. Katie allows the group a certain amount of freedom for banter (a little too much, in my opinion), but we all take turns to speak and it usually works out quite fair in the end. The latecomers looked high, and even though there is no way to prove it either way, I have a fair amount of experience on the subject. I have to confess, their lack of punctuality did nothing to win me over, and then, while one of the group regulars was speaking, the newbie interrupted and took over by telling us all his story.

It was all I could do not to lose it. I questioned them both about how long it had been since they last used drugs and of course, it was a few drinks the night before. As a mark of respect to Katie, and as hard as it was for me to do, I let it go. But, what I couldn't let go of was the anger that continued to boil inside of me. If it had been me on my own and someone insulted me, I would likely laugh and try to calm the situation, rather than escalate it. But, insult someone I care about, and I become a completely different animal. It got to the point where I had to leave the room to try and calm myself down. All of my thoughts were focused on them, and not on why I was there...to work on myself. After ten minutes of being outside, I returned feeling a little less hot under the collar.

But the whole thing bothered me, and today, I wrote Katie an email explaining how I felt. I said that she shouldn't have allowed the fellow to act so rudely, and if they showed up again next week in the same state and with a similar attitude, then she had better take the bull by the horns because as much as I am a gentle soul, I have no problem with teaching respect when required. I told her she has our full support and that no matter the situation, we will stand by her if required.