Meth: a Ticking Timebomb Gone Viral

Living in the Moment...In a Non-Literal Sense

At Tuesday group, we begin by going over the week that's been and finish with our goals for the week ahead. I usually manage to come up with things like, 'stay off drugs' or 'exercise every day'...very sensible, but fairly obvious and vanilla. This week when Katie asked me about my goals for the rest of the week, I blurted out, without much thought about exactly what it was I was committing to, that I was going to wake up every morning, take my first breath, appreciate that I am still alive and live in the moment.

All very easy things to say, but achieving them is, as I have found, much more difficult to do. I mean, how can we live moment to moment without thoughts of the past and future interrupting? Waking up and taking that first breath is the only thing that isn't done with intent, and so, what comes next is a decision...wash my face and brush my teeth...which is a plan and not living in the moment in a literal sense. Or so I believed.

Today, as I rode up a hill on my bike, I almost unconsciously selected the appropriate gears, changing down one gear at a time to make it easier to pedal as the grade of the hill increased. As I did this, I settled back into the seat for the climb ahead and then focused on my breathing. There were no thoughts of yesterday or tomorrow...just me making my way up that hill.

I have been contemplating learning how to meditate, but I don't think I would be a good student because I find it hard to completely clear my mind of all the stuff that needs to be done tomorrow, and all the things that I didn't get done yesterday. And today, as I crested that hill, came the realisation that what I had just done IS a lot like meditation.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I am a sceptical bastard and doubt almost everything I am told...at least until I can prove it for myself. It doesn't matter if it is religion, science, or what people say their intentions are in general, I tend to take it all with a pinch of salt until shown otherwise. I have grown to understand that the only person I can truly rely on is me. That's not to say I think all people are liars, but as we age, and the people we knew and trusted become memories, leaves a person with a degree of scepticism, and in my case, feeling rather jaded.

I acknowledge that these feelings of negativity do nothing to help me get through life. Yes, it might be harder for someone to take advantage of me, but at what price? The majority of people we meet are not bad people, but in saying that, I challenge anyone to stand up and say they have never done a bad thing in their life. I know I can't.

I'm not talking about regret, that's a whole other subject, and I go to a quote we all know..."Let he who has no sin cast the first stone."

The point I am trying to make is, if I want to achieve my goal this week, I need to accept a few truths. One is that what has happened to me in the past will not change, no matter how much thought and energy I focus on it. And, in my opinion, the hardest thing to accept...that tomorrow is not mine to control. I can plan my day and hope that things work out how I wish them to, but as we all know, the best-laid plans are destined to fail.

What a conundrum...without plans, we meander through life like amoeba existing on a plate, and the reality is, if we do this, nothing will ever be achieved and would be akin to living life like a Buddhist monk...who, when it comes down to it, still makes plans for the day ahead. So, my goal for the week, which was to take each moment as it comes, is by definition, unachievable, especially in today's society.

Taking all of this in stock, there have been a few moments since waking up on Wednesday morning when I did experience what I thought I might by living in the moment. It was a very strange feeling to me, and I am having a hard time finding the right adjectives to accurately describe them. Freedom...contentment...peace...humility...comfort...joy and awakening are a few.

The things I imagine someone who prays might feel...and perhaps someone who is experienced at meditation. And when I think about it, I can't see much difference between the two. If you told me a year or two ago I would be saying things like this, I would have scoffed. But now, I accept there might be more to life than my cynical outlook has allowed me to see.

Next Tuesday at group, when Katie asks me how my week went, I will say that there were moments when nothing else existed but the here and now. But, I will have to admit that my goal was so much harder than I could ever have imagined. We are all works in progress...from the moment we are born until the moment we die. And perhaps living in the moment, taking that fact into account, is the balancing act we could all benefit from.