Meth: a Ticking Timebomb Gone Viral

Addiction is Isolation...Recovery is Community

TV is shit. Repeat programming and advertising that grinds the senses to the point of insanity. When my Mom went into aged care, I bought her a smart TV, and when she died, I brought it home and set it up in my lounge room. Now, instead of watching free-to-air TV, I'm watching a lot more YouTube channels. And because of the way programs are recommended by way of algorithms and previous searches, over the months, I've been watching a lot of documentaries and podcasts that seem more instep with my interests.

There are way too many to mention here, but one in particular I've been getting into is a podcast called, 'Have The Balls To Talk'. It's basically a men's club where the subject matter reflects some of the issues men try to deal with. The main focus is how we, as men, can improve ourselves and our lives...and thereby, improve the lives of those around us.

I'm watching one at the moment about addiction, and the sobriety coach who is guesting REALLY knows his stuff. The title for this post came from him. I'm astounded at the high rate of substance use disorder among males of all ages. That was a stat that I found horrifying...and here I was thinking I was the misfit.

I was so impressed by what he had to say, and what he said made me realise that although at this point in time, I am killing it, there will come a time when I will be challenged by circumstances or feelings that could potentially make me a lot more vulnerable than I am right now.

I (and anyone for that matter) can see how easy it is to fall into a false sense of security...that I HAVE fallen into a false sense of security. Thoughts of using, at this point in time, are far from my mind. But now I am aware that despite being on top of the world (for now), thinking that I am ten feet tall and bulletproof against relapse, the reality is some time soon, things could change and I may be (or am likely to be) at a high risk of having a fall. And because I am riding high on a wave of success, if or when I falter, it could be a fall I will never recover from.

I need support to deal with the demons that right now lie in wait...as they always have done. I want to believe that I want this life more than I want the high...that I want how I feel right now, to go on forever. But looking at this through clear eyes, I can see just how stacked the odds are against me. I can use it to my advantage because I'm a fighter (although I hate violence) and the thought that my addiction will beat me makes me want to scream...NO IT WON'T! But the reality is I must seek professional help because going it alone significantly reduces the chances of me finally beating this addiction I have to drugs.

I know I quit counselling only a few days ago, but I wasn't getting anything out of it. No disrespect to the people who offered to help me, but they are not psychologists and although I haven't had much luck finding someone whom I felt comfortable with in the past, doesn't mean I should just sweep my issues under the carpet and hope for the best. I need a referral from my GP, which will give me twelve sessions with a qualified psyche. All I have to do is find one I like and get to work.