Meth: a Ticking Timebomb Gone Viral

My New Best Friend.

Today I met my new best friend...but before you question my lack of wisdom in allowing someone to become so close so quickly, let me explain.

Yesterday, I went to the local mall for groceries. Unfortunately, I forgot to get my favourite cereal. So, after Muay Thai training today, I returned to the store to get my cereal.

I wasn't in a rush, so I explored a little more than I had previously...and there, in one of the aisles, I saw my new best friend. I couldn't resist, after all, when I first arrived in Phuket and decided to take better care of my body, I bought a deep facial cleanser, a small handheld loofah for my face and a night moisturiserising cream.

Then at the store today, I noticed out of the corner of my eye, a loofah attached to a longish stick...and it was love at first sight...well, shower actually.

You people who have partners willing to wash your backs for you are so lucky. I hope you never take this gift for granted. We (mostly men, because when it comes to self-pampering, skincare and using beauty products, are like cavemen) prefer to attract the opposite sex using the tried and tested MOD of building large muscles, complemented by complete stupidity. We used to finalise the deal with a club...rather than in da club...but we have come a long way since those days.

My neighbours know I live alone and must have been wondering what the hell I was doing making all those strange sounds in my shower for twenty minutes...and no, it isn't what you think, so take your minds out of the gutter. I was scrubbing...no, I was loofahing (Grammarly denies such a word exists, but I'm sticking with it because I'm so relaxed, I couldn't GAF what an algorithm thinks) my back with my new best friend's help...and it was dreamy.

I didn't realise my back was so itchy until that beautiful, but rough piece of cucumber gourd found those hard-to-reach spots that haven't seen that much action in a very long time.

And talking about action...guess who had a lunch date today? Ok...since I have your attention now.

When I lost my water whilst having a shower a couple of weeks ago, the next morning I went to check with the neighbours to see if they had lost theirs too. Turns out it was only my place, but that was the luckiest thing that has happened to me since arriving in Hua Hin. Three doors up, I knocked on the door and there she stood...beautiful, sweet and highly intelligent (she speaks several languages, including Thai and several of her native Chinese dialects.

A fiercely independent, forty-year-old travel agent who owns eight cats (I know...nobody's perfect). I'm a shocker with names, so I remembered hers by driving it into my brain over and over...Silvia, Silvia, Silvia...until it stuck. On the morning in question, I asked her about her water situation and explained I lived three doors down and wasn't some random stalker knocking on her door. We ended up talking for half an hour, and as I walked home saying Silvia over and over, I had a sneaking suspicion I was going to make a play. I mean, with my charm, good looks and cool, I would be mad not to....but the emphasis had to be on cool.

There's a line in Pulp Fiction where Jules is talking to Pumpkin and Honey Bunny as the couple robbed the diner...telling her to be cool...and I have been VERY cool. At the markets last week, I bought a bunch of flowers and secretly left them on her doorstep...no note, nothing.

And today when she showed up on my doorstep to ask if I had eaten and if we could have lunch together, I had to physically stop myself from leaping in the air and shouting, "Hell yeah!"

I was so cool that I didn't even mention the flowers. Then as we talked, she began telling me about some guy she is friends with, who was coming on too strong and gave her flowers. Now, I don't know if the flowers I left she mistakingly thought were from him, but as the saying goes... all is fair in love and war. And if so...sorry mate.

The 'date' went well. I showed her through the place because we live in the same complex and I thought she might like to compare her place to mine. And at the exact right moment, as she stood admiring my clean floors and near-empty walk-in robe, I got in her space...you know the space I mean? It's not so close that the person of interest feels the need to shy away, but just close enough so they feel your presence...and she didn't react at all...how cool was that? And for me, rather erotic (remember, it's been a while).

She left an hour later. The conversation was balanced well between her life and mine. We spoke of going for a ride and doing other things of mutual interest...but we didn't set any time frame and there was no pressure from me to see her again...even though I haven't been able to stop thinking about that moment and the way she smelled, since.

I know...be cool, and I will be. I wrote to my second best friend (sorry Deb, but I'm afraid to inform you a loofah has delegated you to third ) that I am fishing...not because I love the sport, but because I am hungry and need to eat to survive. But if things don't go to plan, I know I will be Ok because practice makes perfect and there are plenty more fish in the sea...apparently.