Meth: a Ticking Timebomb Gone Viral

Reboot

I am on day five of my ten-day isolation schedule. It's going OK and my health has improved a lot. There's plenty of food in the fridge and I have enough water to last until Monday. I'm a little bored, but not yet stir-crazy. If it wasn't so hot, I would gear up and go for a ride, and I may still do that tomorrow or Friday. I won't come into contact with anyone and I feel up to it.

Last night was the best I've had in a while. I'm trying to ignore the hallucinations because my friend feels that by engaging with them, I may be promoting the thought patterns and encouraging whatever this is. However, this is not easy to do because, during a prayer session, I am completely engaged with the entity inside my head.

The second session went a lot like the first. Images of demons float upwards, eyes saying, no. Then, as soon as they change to, yes, they rise faster and disappear. This morning I saw Angel low down and to my left field of vision (her permanent residence). I questioned her about the prayer sessions and, of course, she smiled and her eyes went side to side...as if saying they were having no effect. She wouldn't tell me if they were, so I disengaged. At least by doing this, I found out that the symptoms persist.

Perhaps she is too embedded to be completely removed. Or my expectations are too high. My faith, I have to admit, took a hit when I saw her smiling away at me this morning. But after breakfast and with some careful consideration, this would have been her intent no matter what damage may have been done. There is also the possibility that she is doing all of this theatrically...getting her jollies by seeing my reactions as she creates scenes of demons coming to their demise in my head. And there is the probable cause of why she is still there...psychosis.

Perhaps I am praying for the wrong reason...for the wrong cause to be eliminated. Or more expiation is required before receiving forgiveness and help from above.

I have started something that I intend to follow through with. There's no point trusting this thing's word that it is fine. It lies continuously and that smile isn't a smile of joy because it knows no joy, happiness or love. All it knows is hatred and deception. It isn't even smart in the way it goes about things. Pure arrogance tells me just how confident it is, and rather than saying it is smart, I would say it is more cunning than anything else.

I just completed my third prayer session. It followed along the same lines as the first two. At a certain point, I saw either fingers or hooks coming down and scooping/pulling at the entities refusing to move. There were two separate ones this time. It's the weirdest thing watching them hook into a set of eyes and drag them upwards...and always the same, no, no no...then, yes, and they are then removed high up in my field of vision. There's also something akin to a vacuum cleaner effect. I can see the eyes being sucked upwards and everything begins to stretch until the entity is dragged away

I again felt physically sick during the session but persisted through the nausea until it passed. At some point, I know I have to retreat, depending on how I feel. It takes quite a bit out of me and I have fallen asleep after two of the three sessions so far. No matter what, I will hold onto the faith I have acquired. The symptoms of Covid have almost disappeared and I feel pretty good considering everything. My spirit is on the rise, and no matter, if this is a demon or a mental illness, introducing prayer to my everyday life cannot do me any harm...and could help me overcome whatever is causing these hallucinations.