Can We Talk 2

January and Decisions

         I'm surviving the snow and ice by avoiding it, and moving extremely cautiously when I have to brave it. I park the car in the sunshine, so the temps can melt the icy drive in these mid 30 temps. Of course, it refreezes at night, when it gets down to 12 degrees. My neighbor's water line froze. At least I haven't had that.

         This is the laziest January I've ever had. I have to make a decision about a medical procedure. The doctor promises, that while it may not extend my life, it will improve the quality of my life. I will have more energy and feel better. But there are a lot of risks. I could end up with a pace maker or go on dialysis. The lowest risk is heart attack or stroke. Those would most likely happen in the first 30 days if at all. they would know about the dialysis in the first six months. Internal bleeding would happen while still in the hospital and could be easily handled according to the doctor.

         I didn't realize until now that I don't have anyone to actually think this out with me. Family members make snap judgments and don't really get into the details and the risks. My neighbor who is a doctor says I should do it at the Mayo Clinic, which brings with it travel problems and would cost for lodging and transportation and return trips. My church friends immediately think everything will be okay, and start planning who will bring me food when I get home.

         There is no rush. It is not an emergency situation. I am heavily medicated. The doctor says if I am content living the way I am I don't have to do it. I'm not getting any younger. I'm going to die eventually, so the risks may already exist. Do I want to rush them? I'd like to think it would be nice to have more energy, to not tire so quickly, to move about without fear of overdoing it. A new lease on life would be more mental than physical.

         I'm leaning towards doing the procedure (through a vein while I'm out cold), and living with the things that might go wrong. A quick death is the least likely of the risks, so if that happens, I won't have any worries. Someone else will have to declutter the garage and attic and handle the bills until it's all done. Other people live with a pacemaker or go to dialysis. I can, too, but only if there's no choice.