Thoughts of a Mad Man

Emotional Control: Emotional Vocabulary

Emotional Control: Amping it up.


Understand that this is a huge subject with scores of things to learn that will all help. Any one of them that you do well enough to see the value of it will be a real asset. Here are a few points:








The Mel-Robbins High Five


We begin with one that really seems to work just by painting by numbers--very little practice. We already have rapport with our mirror, as it follows our lead and we expect that. So it tends to amp up body language basically by agreeing with us. So when you do this, do it at a mirror--although it works with practice in imagination too.


All you do is do a High Five to the mirror. For added points, smile.


You know how you always get a small positive feeling when somebody high fives you? You show your support for them and they send it back. There is a visceral connection--it's physical, not just language.


When I tried it I was blown away by how much easier this technique was. How little concentration it takes. Yes, you'll magnify it by smiling and paying close attention. If you straighten your shoulders deliberately, you'll get a stronger result. Yet this is the proverbial falling off a log--it just works.





Emotional Vocabulary: Building the multimedia playlist for your mind





For many of us, positive feelings are like foreign words. At first, they escape notice and are poorly understood. With practice using a given word, can become easier. It comes to mind faster, with clearer imagery, and with more variety. We begin to learn to use it in more and more situations until it can become as comfortable as an old shoe, as handy as a glove. The same is true of the positive emotions. They are like a vocabulary, or a playlist you can queue up for ready access.


So each time you adopt the pose that goes with a given feeling, I want you to pay close attention. What things in life go well with that? What are the times that you naturally get that feeling? For example, confidence. You feel confidence when playing your favorite game or talking with your best friend about a shared hobby. Each time it happens pay a little attention to note something you didn't know about this feeling. How you stand, how you breathe, how you move your hands. Or what causes it--who is there, what do you usually see, what images really summarize this. This includes both the things you experience and anything that this experience brings to mind. Things that happen just before and things that happen during the desired feeling are also valuable.


This is really an art. You are building a playlist of actions and ideas. You're collecting details that will make you happy, or eager, or enthusiastic. These thoughts, memories, and actions (collectively, resources) will come together in your life to make your emotions work the way you want. It's like riding a bicycle or walking--you may not always succeed, and once you do it will open up the world to you.





Putting these together


As you do the Mel Robbins high five, you will feel something good--a real boost. This is valuable in itself, like a cup of coffee that takes six seconds to down. However, it's also the perfect opportunity to start feeling around in this experience for the resources that will serve you. What do you feel at each stage of the shift? Can you remember them--for use later, when you're away from the mirror and can't be high-fiving the air?


Building a repertoire of 'resourceful' feelings is a great investment, and one that costs less than a dollar store earphone. Every beautiful, inspiring memory is a luxury inside your brain. It is wealth that you could take with you anywhere you go. It allows you to decorate the world with better things. And while people can't literally see what you are thinking, they will feel it in your presence.


So enrich your emotional playlist and help yourself and the people around you enjoy this world.