When I Die

A Jolly Good Entry

Hmm, the last few entries have been full of nothing but nostalgia.

They've been about the past, about moments that stayed in my mind,
Moments that have been frozen in my mind, moments that have frozen my mind.

But why am I reliving the past now?
Because I cannot talk about the future.
I just cannot talk about the future.
I spoke optimistically once about the future, I felt optimistic about the future once, but I cannot seem to remember that moment. It wasn't cold enough to stay in my mind. The moment wasn't painful enough.

The one time that I actually looked forward to what the future had in store for me, was rewarded by a lot of misery. So when I speak, the future is off-limits for me.

Speaking of the past, is like a temporary sedative. It's like being there, living that moment. It's my way of reminding myself that, hey, buddy, you did have a little happiness once, don't forget that,

Speaking of the present, Max had called yesterday, his vacation comes up in February. He'll miss my birthday, again. Well, you can't wound flesh that's already wounded.


TaintedFemale sent me an email after reading the last two entries.
She was really really angry when I called myself pathetic.
Well, the chimp is sober now. I shan't make that mistake anytime soon.

Ok, Anood, There'll not be a single bit of sadness in this entry. This entry is full of jolly good laughs!
See all these jolly good laughs?

No wait, No more smileys, And no more attempts at unhumorous jokes. I swear. Promise, I'm sorry, ok?

Visited the plug page after a long time. but the length of my reviews has gone down considerably. I just cannot give a detailed review anymore. Blame dial-up internet for that. 800 reviews and counting.
I've set a bloody target. First step, Pita's score [around 3000]
Next, TheDay [5000] and then, Writeing [19000] . It'll take around one thousand years on a dial-up connection, but I'll do it. Guess now I do have a reason to live! [sorry for that joke.]
Here's looking forward to the next thousand years! [and sorry for this one too!]

Sonya read the last two entries, and she was really really sad.
She didn't know what had happened on Farewell day, she didn't know of the little teeny weeny sacrifice I'd made.
Now she knows.
She's saying she feels like shit right now. Well, I told her that I did what I did because I had to. And like Anood says, I told her, that love comes and goes, but friends stay forever.
Well, I told her the above, she says that she still feels like shit.
Maybe it's time for me to put on my chimpy mask and talk her out of this now.

She says she's not talking to me. She says how could I not tell her about this all this time?
Well, I do know that she'll read this journal, so dear Sonya, I know you'll read this :
you know, at that time, I felt the absolute same way, I felt I'd made the biggest mistake of my life.
But that night, seeing you cry like that, and saying those three painful words over and over, and now, seeing you live through it all, I'd say it was worth it all. I mean, is the pain of losing a love greater than losing the two people who love you more than anything else in the world?
Absolutely not. Hey, and don't worry, I won't be falling in love anytime soon, so there can't possibly be anymore heartache involved!


Actually I'm lying, it does hurt very much even now, but I guess I've gotten used to pain, I mean, Just how much pain can a dead man feel anyway?

there I go again, Ok, sorry Anood, no more sadness.

The good part is, that maybe she'll join stories.com... ahem... writing.com.
How could she not join writing.com? I've been blabbering about nothing else except stories.com for the past three months!

Hmmm, haven't heard from keytab in a long time. Maybe he's busy designing his board game. Well, if you're reading this, Good luck!

Hey, someone asked me about the IQ thing, I don't remember who, but if you're reading this, it's really true.

But if you ask me, I'd say their checker made a mistake. I an IQ of 182? Impossibelamento!

But I gave another IQ test when entering the engineering college.
I scored 285 out of 300. That's almost the same percentage.
Maybe the computer made a mistake too. A human anda a computer both can make the same mistake, you know.

Oops, I said there won't be any more smileys... Sorry!
Damn, another smiley... My mistake.




Anyway, I'm bragging again. So I might as well tell you about my singing.

I sing! Yes, really, I do. I sing well. I won first prize in the national singing talent competition in India when I was 12.
Hmmm, that means that I can at least hum a song so that it sounds like I'm humming a song, and not like a donkey serenading his girlfriend donkey.

Hmm, now if stories.com allowed us to upload sounds too, I'd let you all hear me in all my unharmonious glory...

No! Don't run away, and don't pick up those sound-blinders and ear-plugs.
Stories.com doesn't allow us to upload sounds yet.
And keep praying that it never does, because then, you couldn't possibly escape from my screeching and screaming!

Bloody Hell! Another damned smiley!


Hey, Won't you call this entry a jolly good one? see, there are so many of those smileys, and they're all laughing. But hey, do one thing, select one of those smileys [move your mouse pinter over the smiley, till the pointer changes to the text-cursor pointer, then, click and drag over the smiley, so that it's selected, and highlighted.] Now, is the smiley laughing, or crying?

That's it, I guess,
love you all,
panchamk, the melodic chimp.

I'm a Goddamned Moron! Another damned smiley.... Oh well.




[update]

Oh! A big fat THANK YOU to blu13 for awarding an awardicon to this journal! Ummm, She did some great things :

first, she gave me a customicon gift. Then a gift of 10,000 gps, just like that, and then this awardicon! She absolutely made my day... Lesse, she almost spent 30,000 gps.. that could have added to her fund of gps for an upgrade... well, I told her this, and she says she'd rather see someone happy, than have an upgrade... Will wonders never cease on writing.com?

Ok , I'm going to give away another awardicon with those 10,000 gps...
Awardicon page... Here Cometh the chimp...


Oh, Amber is excited cheered me up... Thy knight is happy now! and has been practising his banana throwing tactics...

love you all,
panchamk, the chimp who's no longer sad...

[/update]



When Your Surrounded By Guilt And Fears,
A Fallen Angel Can See Your Tears

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

"Time had a beginning, and therefore, logically, it will have an end.
We weren't there when time began.
Nor will we be there to witness it's end."
---- Stephen Hawkings

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **