trapped in a soap opera

updates

well basically i dont know how much time im going to have to write since im at work and not sure when my boss is going to get back--might have to finish this some other time. tymm and i got in a pretty bad fight on sun night and things are still calming down from that. im really tired and really depressed and im sore and cranky and just want to give up on everything. i love tymm a lot and when we are happy we are really happy, but at the same time im not sure if i can deal with some of this shit for the rest of my life. my relationship with him is a lot like the one i had with arthur--mostly good but the bad is really bad. i dont fucking know what to do. i love him so much, and most of the time we are happy, but i dont think i can deal with the jealousy and his freaking out over dumb stuff. there seems to be some double standards also and im 25 years old. if i wanted to feel like i lived with my parents then id go live with them. its not quite the same as that but it is. i dont want to lose him, but if some things dont change (on both sides ill admit) then i think its inevitable. i just dont know anymore but thats all im going to say for now.