trapped in a soap opera

1-5-05

Its funny how sad my life has gotten lately…not all the time just sometimes. I caught myself shedding a tear over a gay romantic comedy tonight, almost breaking down and calling tymm and telling him that I loved him and I don’t know…that id wait for him to quit being an ass? My life is such a mess… why cant I just find a nice guy to have a decent relationship with….but nooo that doesn’t happen for me—I have the uncanny ability to turn perfectly normal guys into complete assholes. Not sure why I never thought I was that hard to live with—as long as you understand two basic principles you can do anything you want. 1 I need a lot of attention emotionally and physically…. If there are other girls in the room you don’t have to dote just let me know that I’m the most important one to you. 2 don’t be jealous—all my friends are guys get used to it don’t think that you can control my life. Got this damn computer is so slow I’m typing maybe 55wpm and it cant keep up I have to stop every once in a while just cause its about 5 sentences behind. Hell I don’t know why my life is such a mess…why I’m just fine without tymm for so long and then just seeing him or watching a stupid movie has me wanting to call him and say something I’m not even sure that I feel anymore. It was always like that though—I could be ready to kill him for something and then he would come home and just being there with him I couldn’t be mad. I almost feel bad that I’ve moved on and I am sleeping with someone else and lying to him about it. The truth is though that its really not any of his damn business anymore and it would only cause problems cause I don’t think he’s over me yet. And as far as bobby goes that just gets to be a weirder and weirder situation the longer I know him…in some was it has gotten more comfortable but that just opens some weird situations up. Ok well anyway I guess that’s all ill write cause it will take me forever to spell check this since I cant see what I’m typing as I type it and I’m still not used to these laptop keyboards.