Personal Journal

That's it

It's, uh, unusual. I don't have any major thought to report today. I had a virtually normal day. I didn't do a lot of thinking about the usual crap. No mental turmoil.

I had lunch with Chuck, whom I like. He has a peaceful presence, like mine used to be, and hopefully will be again.

I found it it's very likely the company is going to send me to Santa Barbara in the near future, for at least three weeks. Everyone at work asked me if that was okay, would I be alright. I said yeah, I think I'd like that very much. Santa Barbara for a month, even if it means 70 hour workweeks, I'll always get Sundays off. Springtime on the Pacific ocean really sounds like a good deal for me. I won't have to worry about Jean this time, and as much as you might think that makes me feel badly, it makes me feel great. If I travel, I can be completely in that location - nothing to worry about back "home".

And I did a lot of painting tonight. Shit, I'm a slow painter. I spent four hours basecoating 6 models - that's forty minutes a model for the first coat. Ugh... Hopefully I'll get a little faster as I stop doubuting myself and fall into the techniques a little more unconsciously. But the models look good so far, and that makes me very happy.

The rhythm falling into place with the painting and the walking and the napping is starting to keep me from feeling like I "need" to smoke pot. And the last three days I've kept by my rules. And that too makes me happy.

I guess the only real oddball thing was my planned dinner with Larisa yesterday. Either I am completely wrong about the date/time, and she won't talk to me about it, or I was at the right place at the right time and got stood up. Without any notice before or since.

It dismays me - very very confusing. But it doesn't make me angry or sad at all. Maybe she'll call and explain at some point, maybe she won't. I'm not going to think about her unless she does call back. I did my best.

So it seems like life, today, is in balance in a way I've not been able to do in a long time. Hell, we're even 3 hours from the 8 week anniversary, and I'm not freaked out by it. Well, maybe a little...

It is never too late to be what you might have been. -- George Eliot
Courage to start and willingness to keep everlasting at it are the requisites for success. -- Alonzo Newton Benn