Dark Feelings

Prolugue

Dark Feelings

Prologue

Harry Potter sat in the train compartment on his own. Hermione and Ron had disappeared up the train to find out what was going on with Neville and the other Gryfinndors, he had not wanted to go, but he hated being alone. it gave him to much time to think, to remember all the people who had died for him, his parents and his grand - parents, Sirius... All the people whose lives he had tainted with suffering. Everyone he cared about, everyone he loved had been hurt because of him, the Weasleys, The Order, Hermione, Ron and Neville... All because of him, all because of his stupid scar... He could not bare it if anyone else was lost because they believed that he could do something that he knew, deep down, he would never succeed at doing...
Silently Harry pulled out his wand. So what if Vernon and Petunia no longer threatened him, they still locked him up, forced his letters. They still kept him in isolation, left him to be knocked about by Dudley... He could end it all, bring the deaths to an end, suffering to a close, finish his pain with a single spell...

“Well if it isn’t Harry Potter, once again the Golden Boy of Hogwarts.”

Harry looked up slowly, “Fuck off Malfoy.” He did not look his rival in the eye, he could not bring himself to see the hatred within the steel grey orbs.

Malfoy said something but he was not listening, there were people behind the Slytherin, one of them was laughing, “Now now, Potter, wouldn’t want to end up with the dogs.” He could hear the slight sneer in the voice of Malfoy’s cronies. Only the last word lept out of him, he closed his eyes, the images of a great black hound beat into his brain.

“Shut up.” Who had said that?

“Oh do you think little Potty is feeling sorry for himself?” A hand jerked his chin up, he did not open his eyes, “Feeling a little Grim Potty?”

Harry breathed in sharply and tensed up, not knowing who he was talking to, “At least your father’s in Azkaban...” he growled through gritted teeth.
The hand on his face let go sharply, “At least I’ve got a father!”

Harry sighed and he gave up completely, tears forming beneath his eye lids, the voice was right, he had no one... he had killed them all, through being alive...

“Shut Up!” the same stranger, with such a familiar voice, shouted.

“We never knew that you were a part of Dumbledore’s fodder Malfoy.” Somebody else retorted.

Malfoy?

Harry peered out from beneath his hair. The Slytherin was standing, wand pointed straight at Pansy Parkinson’s chest. With out a word the rest of the Slytherins seemed to understand the threat in the blonds pose and began to edge towards the door.

“I’m not one of them Parkinson, but Potter is mine. My job, my enemy. Leave him to me.” Draco sounded edgy and for some reason he did not sound like he was telling the truth, but the girl seemed to accept it, she nodded.

“Very well. But Draco, be careful with him. Our master does so want him.” She left, leaving a now calm Draco behind, wand by his side.

Harry pulled his legs up to his chest, turning his eyes away from those of the Slytherin, so Malfoy just wanted him for himself. A tear streaked down the cheek that Malfoy could not see, he was not up for this. Any anger he would have felt last year drained into nothing. He felt... nothing...
“Come on then...” he murmured.

“Potter.” Malfoy’s voice held none of the hatred he had imagined, “Through out the years we’ve been here, you’ve hated me and I’ve hated you. You’ve been a thorn in my side since we walked through the doors of the school -”

“Well that’s okay then!” Harry burst out suddenly, “I’ll be gone soon so I’ll be out of your hair!” His voice cracked slightly and he felt his wand, heavy in his hand.

“W... what?” Draco sounded - concerned?

Turning his wand on himself the sad wizard began to speak, “Avada -!”

“Harry! No!” Draco yelled and flung himself at his ‘rival’ knocking wand and word out of Harry’s miserable grip. Before the dark haired boy could react Draco had Harry’s wand tight in his hand. The Gryfinndor was sprawled across the seats, almost in crying, Draco could see the wild desperation in his enemies eyes that he had only seen in his own reflection.

“Give me my wand! Malfoy! Please! I can end it all! I can stop anymore people from dying!” -For me...- Harry lunged at Draco, grabbing for the means to end his life.

“No Harry,” Draco did not know why but he did not want Harry to die, no that was a lie, he did know, he had never wanted Harry to be hurt, never wanted him to be tested the way he had been through the last six years, “This won’t solve anything...”

“Why not!? I killed my entire family! I make all those I love suffer! I am to blame for .... for Sirius’ death.....” Finally the tales that Draco’s father had gloated of were confirmed, as silvery tears slid down Harry’s tormented face.

“it won’t solve anything. Because....” Draco wondered what he was supposed to say, “Because if you die the Dark Lord will return to power. full power. With nothing in his way. You will be playing straight into the wrong hands. Your friends will feel the wrath of Voldemort and nothing will stop him.”

It was as if Harry had not heard him, “My wand, Draco...” Harry begged, “Let me - Let me - No more death, no more suffering, no more - no more- hurt, pain, isolation...” He had completely broken down, rivulets streaming, face full of raw emotion.

-Why am I doing this?- Draco pondered, sliding an awkward arm around Harry’s shoulders. The boy flinched, but he had known that a reaction would follow, what horrified him was how thin Harry’s shoulders were, all bone and for the first time he realised how painfully slim Harry had become over the last eight weeks. A twinge of sympathy span through Draco and with out realising, he pulled the distraught boy closer. -AWhy am I doing this? Why do I even care about... Harry Potter?-

“HEY!” Ronald Weasley was suddenly towering over him. Draco looked up coldly, “What are doing? What did you do to him?”

“My Wand...” Harry choked out, “Malfoy.”

“No.” he said again, soft but firm. Turning back to Ron and now a baffled Hermione, “He tried to kill himself... I didn’t, couldn’t let him so now I’ve got his wand.”

Ron looked hard at Harry now, “Y...You? Suicide? Harry?”

The dark haired wizard was silent, hiding his tear stained face in shaking hands.

“Oh my God, oh Harry!” hermione gasped and bent down, flinging her arms out around him. Draco once again felt outcast, unnessercary anymore. Slowly he rose to his feet. Ron grabbed his arm.
“Harry’s wand.”

Albeit reluctantly he handed it to Ron. There was no quick thanks frmo any of them but he did not expect any. They were so close to each other; Granger, Potter and Weasley that he knew his part had warrented nothing. He wished that he would one day have friends like that... but he knew he never would.

*****************

“Is it true harry? That you... you tried to... Commit Suicide....?” Hermione asked, still crouching infront of the young wizard.

A small nod made more sadness sworm up inside her than she had ever felt.. Had things readlly become this bad for Harry? The letters they had received over the Summer had been simple, without any of the pain he plainly had been enduring.

“But, I don’t get it?” Ron was saying, “Why was Malfoy here?”

“He came to sneer as usual.... then Pansy said some stuff and he told her to shut up and then he said some more stuff once she had gone and then he stopped me and stole my wand and he wouldn’t let me....” Harry sobbed, he sounded so young.

“Wouldn’t let you kill yourself. First good thing he’s ever done.”



On arrival at Hogwarts the three were met by an anxious Dumbledore, Mcgonagle and Hagrid. They insistantly bustled them all up to Dumbledore’s office. Fawkes was singing soft, soothing noises. before anything was said they knew what it was about. hermione put a protective arm around Harry’s shoulders, like malfoy she discovered in that moment how thin and afraid her friend had become. The brief conversation they had with the teachers made it quite clear that harry was going to recieve help adn that he attempt to take his own life was not going to go unnoticed. He would be watched at all times if he was going to have his wand returned to him for lessons.

“I... I can’t beleive Harry would try to... do that again.” Ron said uncertainly.

“According to Mr. Malfoy that should be questioned. Harry is vunerable. If the Dark Lord knows what Harry is feeling then I have no doubt that he will be using this as an opportunity to sabotage out friend and attempt to make him try again.” Dumbledore spoke calmly and slowly but Ron still seemed to not understand.

“But professor-”
“Now Mr. Weasley I think it is time we ended tonight’s discussion. When the time comes we will continue but hopefully that will never happen...” He turned his eyes on each of them in turn, “I must add a word of trust. Mr. Malfoy has helped us all at his own personal risk, simply by informing us. i hope you will keep it quiet.”

“We will sir. “

“Well then I bid you good night.”

Matt Dragoon Master