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Anna-Lisa's 87/13 Thumbsucker Fantasy Story Date

Hello loyal Thumby readers

As I've previously mentioned, I have a fantasy story date up for auction in "Invalid Item" . I wrote this for Anna-Lisa as she felt she must withdraw her bids because it was unethical to participate in her own auction. (I understood her reasons but didn't think it was fair she wouldn't be eligible to bid)

This may be hard to follow if you don't know AL . I would suggest reading "Invalid Item"  and "Invalid Item"  (for starters).

Hi AL

Well here it is. My account of our fantasy date Anna-Lisa. I hope you remember it as fondly as I do. To remind you AL, this is what I had to go on...

No sports for you, other than bowling, pool, swimming, fishing and/or dancing.

No big cities...or at least not too much...only sometimes.

You like music, hotels, the country, tropical countries, food and cooking...but not if you have to.

And of course, no peas for you. (I happen to LOVE peas. Yum, yum, yum)

And finally, I decide coz you're a docile little thing.


Ready? Got your coffee handy? Great. Sit back. Close your eyes and let your mind drift back to that special morning when I phoned you the day after our fantasy date...













Anna-Lisa's 87/13 Thumbsucker Fantasy Story Date


Chapter 1...A Moment Relived


"Hello?"

"Hello?"

"Anna-Lisa?"

"It's me. Gary."

"Gary."

"Thumbsucker Gary."

"We met in person for the first time yesterday and then went on a fantasy date together."

"Remember?"







"Gary."




This wasn't going at all like I hoped it would.




"Yes. That's right. Gary from Canada."

"I did? Oops. I'm sooooooo sorry Anna-Lisa. I didn't realize. You best go back to sleep. I'll call you later."

Stupid time difference.




Chapter 2...Off Again


Not long after that my phone rang...

"Hello?"

"Speaking. Oh hi Anna-Lisa!"

"I'm sorry about waking you up earlier..."

"What's that? You'd like me to pop by right a way?"

"Ummm...Don't get me wrong Anna-Lisa, I'd LOVE to see you again but you're in Sweden and I'm in Canada. I only just got back a few hours ago. I haven't even chatted with Cricket yet."

"Yes...Alright then. If it's important."

I hung up the phone and scrambled to find where I put my passport. Your phonecall had certainly peaked my curiousity.




Chapter 3...Back In Sweden


Like the chapter title says, I was back in Sweden and on my way to your place once again.




Chapter 4...Back At AL's


Okay. No more stupid chapters.




Chapter 5...I lied




Chapter 6...Moose Mutterings


I knocked on your apartment door and waited patiently. I could hear the sound of thumping and wailing coming from inside. I figured it was most likely your ghost or a suicidal bird flying into one of your walls.

I knocked again.

I now heard unintelligible garbled voices coming from within.

"Hmmm. Sounds like unintelligible garbled Swedish voices to me." I keenly observed aloud while trying my best to eavesdrop.

"Ja?" You asked while peeking through the peephole of your front door.

Startled, I lifted my ear from your door and jumped back.

"It's me Anna-Lisa! Gary!" I then announced proudly.

"gååååry?" You replied in your delightful Swedish accent.

"No. Not gååååry...Gary...From Canada."

There was awkward silence as your eye continued to stare at me through the peephole.

"I was here yesterday. We went on a fantasy date together."

More awkward silence and staring.

"You called me earlier and asked that I pop back again. You mentioned something about it being important?" I said shuffling uncomfortably from side to side.

Just then the door swung open and I once again gazed upon your Nordic beauty. "Did you bring me any Writing.Com GPs?" You asked as you grabbed my arm and pulled me inside.

"Ummm...no I didn't Anna-Lisa..."

"Damn." You cursed. "I wanted to try feedng GPs to Kitchy."

"Huh? Sorry. I wasn't paying attention Anna-Lisa. I was momentarily lost in those dark striking Swedish eyes of your's again."

"No time for that now gååååry. Were you followed here?"

"Gary." I replied.

"What?"

"Gary...My name is Gary. Not gååååry." I clarified.

"gary?"

"Close...Gary...with a capitol g." I responded

"gary."

"You've almost got it...Gary."

"Oh I have no time for this foolishness right now gary. Tell me. Were you followed here?"

"No. I don't think so."

"Good." You replied. "Come here. I want you to watch this." You said as you loaded a tape into your VCR.




Chapter 7...Fantasy Flashback


I could hardly believe it. There recorded on the tape was me...apparently taken the previous day as I stood in your stairway, attempting to gather myself before knocking on your apartment door for the first time. I was taking one last quick glance at the small paperback I had picked up at the airport...

Seduce Your Swedish Sweetie...The Complete Guide to Wooing, Gooing and Subduing Hot Scandinavian Chicks

I watched myself flip to the page about introductions and try one last time to pronouce the Swedish phrases the book suggested I use.

I knocked on the door and waited...and waited.

I knocked again.

Your eye peeping at me through the peephole and my first words to you were perfectly captured on the tape...

"Hallå? Anna-Lisa? Mig namn er Suga. Tumma Suga."

There was nothing but awkward silence...

"Damn!" I thought. "That was my best Swedish Sean Connery impersonation. Maybe she hasn't noticed my James Bond tuxedo either." I nonchalantly modelled my rental tux in front of your peephole. After casually opening the jacket to show off the lining and a couple discreet dips and twirls I was still greeted with only silence. I then decided for a more direct approach.

"Anna-Lisa? Den er jag Gary. Från Canada." I said opening my passport and holding it up to the peephole.

Only awkward silence.

I tried one of the suggested Swedish phrases from my handbook.

"Jag har en torkat algen insamling."

That only brought more silence and staring.

"Jag var en russin i min folkskola skådespel."

The door swung open and you quickly pulled me inside.

"No more with the crappy Swedish come ons gååååry. They may work on the other hot Scandinavian chicks but they don't work on me." You told me sternly.

"Gary." I replied

I'll spare you the fifteen minutes of Gary/gååååry banter that then followed.




Chapter 8...The Gypsy BITCH!!!!


Suddenly, the scene on the tape switched from your apartment to someplace very different. Someplace very dark and creepy. I saw a room with lots of herbs and bubbling pots and potions and bones and skulls and numerous little birds in cages and the one and only Goddamn Gypsy BITCH clutching something in one of her withered hands. She appeared to be holding a small bird as she coated it's beak with some sort of foul fluid.

"There you go my pretty. Stab her with your beak my little feathered poisoned dart. Fly fast. Fly true." She said to the little bird as she released it from an open window.

"I don't understand Anna-Lisa." I said somewhat baffled. "Where did you get this VCR tape and how come the Gypsy BITCH is on it?"

"Shhhh!" Was your only reply.

I continued watching. The Gypsy BITCH hurried away from the window and began staring into a crystal ball.

"Fly fast. Fly true." She kept repeating as she watched the little bird in her crystal ball.




Chapter 9...Little By Little


I watched as it was now the two of us at your apartment again. You quickly shut and bolted your front door. I told you how pretty you looked...

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

I guessed you were wearing your traditional, Swedish, fantasy date, courting clothes. Very spiffy. I then handed you the bouquet of flowers I was holding.

"Oh thank you gary. What lovely flowers. I'll feed these to Kitchy later." You said as you put them in your fridge.

Just then...a little bird came flying as fast as an arrow in through your open kitchen window. It just barely missed hitting you before it slammed headfirst into your cupboards, falling to the floor in a crumpled heap of broken bones and feathers.

"Oh you poor, poor dear." You said lovingly as you scooped up his little limp body and pressed him close to your face.

You quickly moved over to your open kitchen window. "Flying will fix you." You said as you gently tossed the little bird's mangled body outside.

The tiny bundle of feathers tumbled four stories far below before landing on a rather large pile of other tiny, crumpled, feathered bodies.

"He'll be alright. Just you wait and see gary. He'll be back again in no time."




Chapter 10...Another Gypsy BITCH Scene!!!!


The scene shifted back to the Gypsy BITCH once again.

"Damn!" She cursed. "Not again! She just won't die! That one must be charmed."




Chapter 11...Hmmm


Once again I asked Anna-Lisa what I was seeing and what it all meant. I could tell by her eye twitching she found my questions aggravating so I shut up and tried to figure it out for myself.




Chapter something or other...Awww, Little AL's


I watched the tape as you introduced me to your children. I could tell they both meant the world to you, and you to them. I reassured them their mother would be in good hands with me as I would protect you from harm.




Chapter 13...Yet Another Gypsy BITCH Scene!!!!


Hopefully the brighter readers among you will have figured out by now how this scene switching works. If you're one of those that doesn't know what's going on yet, then perhaps you best follow the dots at the end of this sentence where there's a pretty little flower for you to sit and stare at while the rest of us reads on..................

"If I can't kill her than I'll kill him!" The Gypsy BITCH hissed as she began chanting something sinister. Something to do with Kitchy...




Chaper 14...Kitchy!


I watched as you introduced me to Kitchy...pointing to her as she slept atop your desk in the other room.

"Awww. So that's the little Dickens I've heard so much about?"

All of a sudden Kitchy sprang to life and jumped down, bolting across the floor before quickly throwing herself at my neck. She was a whirling buzzsaw. A blur of fur and claws, hissing "slakta" over and over again. I must admit I wasn't looking very James Bondish as I struggled to get her off my head. Fortunately for me, you grabbed Kitchy and locked her into the bathroom.

"I'm very sorry gary. She gets psycho sometimes. She must be having a bad PMS day today."

"Maybe it was because I'm speaking English? I've noticed other Swedish cats giving me funny looks. Yeah...kinda like the one you're giving me right now AL." I decided it was best to quickly move on.

"Don't worry Anna-Lisa. No harm done." I said composing myself while trying to regain my James Bond personna.



Chapter 15...Routine Gypsy BITCH Scene!!!!


"Damn her interfering!" She cursed. "Let's see if she can protect him from this." She cackled holding up a little figure made of straw.

"Die ...Suga...Tumma Suga...Die!" She whispered sinisterly as she stuck a pin into the figure's heart.




Chapter 16...Ouch!


"Ouch!"




Chapter 17...Another Routine Gypsy BITCH Scene!!!!


"Damn! This voodoo doll must need new batteries. It's only strong enough to cause him momentary mosquito bite pain." Cursed the Gyspy Bitch. "Still...This could be fun." She smiled as she quickly started sticking pins into the gary doll.




Chapter 18...Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!


"Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!"




Chapter 19...Routine Gypsy BITCH Scene!!!!


"Hehehehehe." Snickered the Goddamn Gypsy BITCH as she gazed into her crystal ball.




Chapter 20...Cabbage


"Are you finished?" You asked. "That Swedish come on handbook you're using is garbage. No hot Scandinavian chick will be impressed with that." You said referring to my unexpected outburst and slapping dance.

I had no idea why I had suddenly felt I was being attacked by a dozen horseflies but I apologized anyways. I even promised not to use the handbook again only because I wanted to put my embarrassing actions behind me and get back to acting Sean Conneryishly again as quickly as possible.




Chapter 21...Ah Hah!


"Oh now I get it! I wondered what was going on then yesterday." I remarked as you put the VCR on pause.

"The Gypsy BITCH must be some kind of circus alien who hypnotized me into thinking I was Swedish! No wonder I was acting so strange." I exclaimed shrewdly.

"NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo you twit! Don't you get it? The Goddamn Gypsy BITCH hates me. She was trying to get to me by hurting you. She left this VCR tape and this gary voodoo doll outside my door after our fantasy date. Don't you see? She made this tape. She's evil gary and she wants us to know she's evil."

"Gary voodoo doll huh?" I said eyeing the small straw figure with numerous pins stuck in it.

"She must be very cruel indeed to stick a pin there!" I grimaced, pointing to where the Gypsy BITCH had chosen to stick one particular pin.

"Oh that pin?...I kinda stuck that one there...Sorry. I couldn't help myself. I have a bit of an evuuuul side too gary." You said with a mischievious smile.

"But how did she manage to record this and how come we can also see her on the tape and sometimes even hear what people are thinking?" I asked.

"I don't know...I'm not a movie critic...but what I do know is the Gypsy BITCH has been trying to kill me for the last three years but she's a fourth rate Goddamn Gypsy BITCH and no match for me. My Nordic good looks must protect me. All she can do is annoy the Hell out of me once a month...but you on the other hand gary aren't good looking enough to be safe. You're in deadly danger the longer you stay here in Sweden!

"Ummm...I'm no rocket scientist AL, but wouldn't asking me to come back here to Sweden to tell me this have been a bad idea then?"

"I suppose I could have told you all this over the phone but I didn't want to run up my long distance bill. It costs a fortune to call to Canada from here you know. Besides...I haven't seen you since yesterday gary and I missed your cute one dimpled smile...but you must now leave Sweden as quickly as possible!"

"Not on your life Anna-Lisa." I said trying my best to sound like Sean Connery. "James Bond doesn't run away and hide every time he's threatened with a voodoo doll does he? Nope. Not this James Bond anyways...besides, we've hardly begun watching the tape recording of our fantasy date from yesterday." I said pushing the start button on your VCR.

"But gary! It's not safe for you here in Sweden!" You wimpered, almost in tears.

"Shhhhhh Anna-Lisa, you docile little thing you. Snuggle up next to me on the couch here and let me deal with the mean old Gypsy BITCH."

So we continued to watch the tape recording of our fantasy date from the day before...




Chapter 22...The Tour


Back in your apartment...you proceeded to give me a little guided tour of your place. I did my best to memorize as much of your apartment as I could. (NO...not to come back and burgle you later but because I hoped to FINALLY beat MaryLou at one of your "Invalid Item"  contest questions)

You pointed out various stains on your kitchen wall that weren't dirty enough for you to clean yet, and the big cardboard boxes on your balcony that Kitchy was found trapped in, and the smell that seems to be concentrated to a small space in any room you're in, and where in your kitchen you've heard the Arabic humming, and your windows with the cat snot, that your ghost likes to open, and the space underneath your kitchen counter where some people put dishwashers but where you feed Kitchy, and your solar system poster which you were very proud of, and your other bathroom, (the one Kitchy wasn't in), and three of your four bedrooms, (your friend was in the fourth and never came out) (the friend you live with) (I got the impression he wasn't too thrilled for you to be going on a fantasy date with me, but I could be wrong...afterall I don't understand Swedish. Maybe those things he shouted through the door were greetings and well wishes), and lastly to finish off the tour you showed me Kitchy's litter box. Being on my best behaviour, I resisted the urge to ask for a quick peek in your undies drawer...afterall, this was only our first date. (I do hope you can tell when I'm kidding Anna-Lisa. If Sean Connery is no first date undies drawer peeker then neither am I) I thanked you for the tour. I had been thoroughly charmed and delighted!

You offered me a turnip cookie and a cup of some sort of Viking fish sauce, but I had to decline as we needed to get going. I had a lot of fantasy planned for you my dear Anna-Lisa. There would be time later for turnip cookie nibbling.

You quickly fussed over your children, making sure everything was okay as we were just about to leave. I assured them I'd take good care of you and handed Sarah a phone number and a brief itinerary of what I had planned in case they needed to get in contact. A few more goodbyes, some last minute dos and don'ts from AL, a shout from your friend in the bedroom about something or other, and then we were off.




Chapter 23...Toodle Bugs


Once outside your apartment front door I insisted on carrying you to my waiting rental car below. At first you were hesitant but I quickly reminded you what a docile little thing you were and as such, this was not up for discussion and to be thankful I wasn't forcing you to carry me.

"There was nothing mentioned in your pre-fantasy outline about not being carried so you better get used to it wench."

Don'tchya love being a docile little thing and having all these important decisions made for you Anna-Lisa?

I quickly carried you from your fourth floor apartment to the street below. Thank goodness this is a fantasy story date and not a real story date. I wasn't even out of breath. We then hopped into the back of my waiting car. I gave the driver...(Swedish rental cars apparently come with a driver)...Faruk...directions to all the secret places I wanted him to take us.

You were full of questions as to where we were going, how long till we get there and what would we be doing once we got there. I completely ignored your inquiries and threatened to tickle you severely if you asked again what fate awaited you.

Apparently you weren't entirely pleased with the route Faruk had chosen to travel. Despite not having a clue about where we were headed, you insisted on driving us as Faruk was taking far too long to get to wherever we were going. You ordered Faruk to hop into the back seat with me and when we both objected you suggested the three of us ride up front together while you did the driving. I was informing you how docile little things don't act this way when the images on the tape started getting blurry and were soon gone completely, replaced with white noise and static.




Chapter 24...????????????????


"What happened?" I asked. "We were just starting to get to the good parts."

"I don't know gary. This is where I stopped watching the tape this morning."




Chapter 25...Routine Gypsy BITCH Scene!!!!


"Oh what imbeciles!!!!" Screamed the Gypsy BITCH! as she gazed into her crystal ball. "These two REALLY piss me off!"

She then picked up her phone and started dailing...




Chapter 26...Hallå?


"Hallå?" You said putting the VCR on pause while you picked up your phone.

"Just fast forward the tape you idiot!" Yelled the Gypsy BITCH to you over the phone.

"My powers aren't infinite you know! Did you think I'd be able to magically record your date and thoughts all over Sweden? Get real! You travelled outside the neighbourhood and outside the range of my powers. Fast forward past the static until you get to the part when you returned! Sheeeesh! What morons!!!!"


Chapter 27...Devastated!


Anna-Lisa quickly told me what the Gypsy BITCH had said on the phone. I was crushed!

"What? You mean she didn't record all the fantasy date good stuff? Where we went? What we did? All those magic moments unrecorded? Crap!"

What a shame huh?




Chapter 28...A Word From Your Author


****(Author's note...Sorry about that Anna-Lisa. I really do know what we got up to on our date. It's all very clear in my mind. Everything went off exactly as I imagined it would...but the truth is this story is taking waaaaaay longer than I first planned. I didn't think it would take me this long just to get to this point. We're still basically at the START of your fantasy date...so all the juicy bits will have to end up on the editing room floor...for now anyways. I've got another fantasy date to write soon...for the real winner and I don't want to play favourites. There's no way I can write two epics. You'll be happy to know I've learnt my lesson though. I'll try to get right to the good stuff for whoever wins my fantasy story date in your auction)****




Chapter 29...Back To The Story


"Well this sucks!" I continued to whine. "We can't see our romantic country hotel resort tucked away in the forested hills? The crystal clear lake? The rustic main lodge with the cathedral ceiling? The cozy private log chalets? The intimate dinner in front of the fireplace? The outdoor gazebo dance pavillion? The live music? The dancing? The soft music? The slow dances? The change of clothes I had hidden in the trunk of the rental car beforehand...the native North American warrior brave costume for me...the soft buckskin, beaded and feathered, Indian maiden costume for you? Walking on the beach under the stars? The crackling bonfire or the twinkling patio laterns? You teaching me to flyfish by moonlight when we stopped at the secluded stream on the way back? Teasing Faruk about his goat fetish? We're not even going to see MaryLou who came all the way from Texas just to sneak peas onto your plate when you weren't looking? Crap!" I was acting most unJames Bondish.

"Hopefully the stuff when we got back to your apartment has been recorded. I wouldn't mind reliving what happened when I got you to your front door Anna-Lisa." I threw you a knowing smile and winked.

"No winking!" You snapped. "Winking drives me psycho...I never watched further than this gary. I thought that was the end." You explained as you began to visually fast forward the tape.

The phone rang again just then. It was for you. It was the Gypsy BITCH.

"You two are such pissants. You idiots shouldn't be allowed to breed. Shit you make me mad! Will you fast forward the damn tape already! I'm eager to get rid of Gary. I don't have all day." She demanded.

"Oh yeah...before I forget...Have you drawn on the little man yet?" And with that cryptic tidbit she hung up on you.




Chapter 30...NEEEEEEEEEEEENER!!!! NIENNNNNNNNER!! NJEEEETTTTTTTTTT!!!


You continued to fast forward the tape. Eventually you came to yet another scene of the Gypsy BITCH up to her no good evil schemes. She was once again coating a bird's beak with some sort of foul fluid but this time it's wasn't a very small bird with a green and blue and black head, and a blue, grey, green and black body...but a crow. She flung him out of her window and hurried back to her crystal ball.

"Quick gary! Close all the windows in the apartment!" You shouted. I was impressed with your fast thinking.

We ran from room to room shutting your windows.

"I think we closed them all." You said as I sighed with relief. Just then we heard a yell come from the bedroom where your friend had hidden himself away. You flung open the door just in time to see a cloud of feathers and the crow flying back out the window. Your friend was complaining loudly.

"What happened? Is he okay?" I asked

"My friend says he doesn't want to be a part of this story. He wants us to hurry up our post fantasy date/Gypsy BITCH climax so you'll leave."




Chapter 31...NEEEEEEEEEEEENER!!!! NIENNNNNNNNER!! NJEEEETTTTTTTTTT!!! Part Two


We watched on your TV as the scene once again switched back to the Goddamn Gypsy BITCH. Needless to say she wasn't a very happy Goddamn Gypsy BITCH. Apparently her poisoned crow had attacked the wrong guy and didn't even manage to kill anyone.

"Shit!!!! She screamed. "If you want something done right you have to do it yourself."




Chapter 32...Gary's FINAL Chapter!!!!


"I don't like the sounds of that." I exclaimed, reading the title of this chapter.

"Quick gary. We have to get you out of here RIGHT now!" You said grabbing my arm and pulling me to your front door.

"Gary." I replied.

"No time for the name game now gary. Let's go." You said as you unlocked and opened your front door.

There...standing in the hall outside was none other than the Gypsy BITCH herself...holding a gun!!!! (Not very Gypsy like if you ask me)

Oh oh.

It all happened so quickly. A loud bang echoed throughout your apartment building, followed by some sinister Gypsy BITCH evil laughter. You slammed your front door shut and quickly bolted it. Turning to me you helped me to I lie down on your bed. I had been shot in the chest and was quickly growing weak and dizzy.

"Anna-Lisa...can you tell me something?" I asked knowing my time was short.

"Of course." You said stroking my hair.

"You're a professional chef right?"

You nodded.

"Tell me...when making toast...should the bread be put into the toaster sideways or standing up?"

"It depends on if you're talking about white or brown bread gary."

"Garyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy." I replied as my eyes slowly shut and my tongue hung out of the corner of my mouth.

"garyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!" You cried shaking my shoulders.

"Don't die garyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! I know how to help you." You said as you struggled to drag my limp body to your balcony.

"Flying will fix you." You said as you pushed me over the railing. I tumbled down four stories before landing on a rather large pile of other tuxedo clad Sean Conneryish bodies below.

"He'll be alright. Just you wait and see Kitchy. garyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy will be back again in no time."