Journal

who am i

there is a theory that i was just reminded of, i am sitting in my room looking around. my side of the room has art pictures of flowers and pictures of friends. my little sister's side is filled with pictures of famous people and magazine cut outs. is what we surround ourselves with a reflection of our selves? as a younger teen i never held a fasiniation with celbs i didn't do those posters all over. like a competion to see what girl has the most poster's of the hot guy. i have just read one of my earlier postings and i am depressed. usually i try to be depressed about different things. nope. alex. monica and kellie have fucked my week up. again. why do i let them do this? alex got really drunk monica crept into his room. and i'll let you guess. we were broken up at the time, but he is still claiming to love me. he walked out and said "what have i done" and made everyone promise to not tell me. well he moved last week. but before he wrote me a letter saying he was sorry (i thought about our breakup at the time) and that he still loved me. it did not send me into a talespin. i was ok, i took it as closure of the relationship. the two of us are moving in different directions and we need to grow. ok. but what the fuck. monica. she did this to prove a point and she's a whore. i don't care that i sound angry and bitter i am just so fucking tired of the constant competion for my life. kellie stopped by this morning as i cleaned my bathroom, didn't really talk but when she did they were coments to try to make me feel lower then i ought to. some guy asked me out last night and i didn't know who he was. she looked at me like "right, she's making things up to make herself feel better" and alex's mutual friend left a message on my phone that was very flirty and stuff. she's like "it's for revenge" i called him and he was shocked that i was upset. we have always play flirted, i call him my older brother, so i just don't know. she seems like she likes to see me in pain. i don't know. as she left on the way to a date she told me to have fun cleaning all day. bitch. oh well. i'm moving. i have to keep reminding myself that. i'm leaving and apperently some people do find me attractive. lol. till next time