Personal Journal

Kayaking again

Private or not? Dunno.

What is today about.
I’m not sure if it’s about recognizing the end to a downward cycle that began when I stopped going to weight watchers, or if it’s about kayaking. Well, hopefully I can remember to get to both.

I guess I’ll write about the philosophical first, because I’ll remember the kayaking since it’s an event. My memory of my thoughts may leave long before that.

I stopped going to weight watchers, and I don’t think I’ve eaten a meal I made myself in this house, some 5 weeks ago. I also stopped exercising around then, Mother’s day when I hurt my arm. Today, in part because of the kayaking, I feel like that cycle is ending. I’m ready to be more purposeful. I’m ready to stand toward the front of my life’s momentum rather than riding on it somewhere behind.

I want to get back into WW, but I’m not sure in what way. The way I was doing it before didn’t work for me – something about it having such memories associated with Jean. And so I think I should go to a different meeting, or maybe just do it online with their e-tools method. Hmm, that might be a good idea – I’ve enough outings to go on most of the time. Doing something from home is a challenge to my “purposefulness” (I’m trying not to say “discipline” because it’s such a negative association for me (lazy people need discipline. I don’t want to think of myself as lazy, because it doesn’t do any good. Instead, I want to be purposeful, because if I’m not purposeful, it means I’m wandering a little bit on the path. It doesn’t need to have that association with “lazy”)(now you know why my witty moniker for myself is “King of the parenthetical).

Alright, that’s enough of the philosophy.

Kayaking.
I’m smiling when I say it tonight.
I’m not mad at myself.
<insert big smiley face here>

I dealt with my fear of being upside down in the kayak today. I spent a lot of time upside down in it practicing T-rescues. I got it down. I’m halfway to a solo roll. Me and 3 other people met today at the lake by my work for some “rolling” practice (two of us could already roll [NOT ME!!] and two of us didn’t really intend to try solo rolls until we had some more formal instruction as all of us were novices to one extent or another).

I just made myself do it. I rehearsed it up to the point where you actually roll yourself under, then after getting comfortable with that, I did many T-rescues. It was a beautiful day, and the water was warm, and the people were nice enough. Plus I was just motivated after disappointing myself after Tuesday last week. And once I got one in, everything was cool from there. I practiced just holding my breath under water. I practiced starting with them farther away so that I had to be inverted without knowing when they were going to arrive – I did have to bail on that once, that was the only time. And it was in some small part the other paddler’s fault for not getting positioned better sooner. But it’s good to have practice getting out of my boat inverted too.

I think I’m cool with waiting a little while underwater for a rescue boat to get in position. I think that alone will help me on next Sunday’s river run again. But I’m also going to take a rolling class on Tuesday (with one of the people I paddled with today) up in Denver. So with a little luck, what I learn on Tuesday will be enough to get me doing solo rolls on my own. I’m not going to count on it for certain that on the river I’ll be able to do it even if I do get it in the pool (no guarantee to that, either), but I might. I know the river will be a new stresser, and I can only get through that barrier by being on rivers more regularly.

I’m excited.
It’s good to have a purpose.


It is never too late to be what you might have been. -- George Eliot
Courage to start and willingness to keep everlasting at it are the requisites for success. -- Alonzo Newton Benn