"Her"

Leaving

"I'm going."

I don't want you to. 'She' sounded unhappy. you've made progress.

"Not in the direction I want to go in. Thanks for trying to help, but I have to stop this."

Stop what? Fighting life is a fight anywhere you go you'll have to fight someone, something. There's no escape from that.

"I know that. But I'm playing a fixed game, playing with a lousy hand of marked cards, and you know what? I'm sick Of that. I'm sick of being thrown into everything without understanding what the fuck is going on. And I know of only one place where everything makes sense."

You've only been to the wild place on hour-long hikes on safe trails and spent summer nights in tents. You don't want the hard path. 'He' was speaking now, in the tone doctors use with the families of people who don't survive sugery.

"I'll do anything to keep my promise, and I'll do anything for peace. I'm breaking apart here. I can't continue like this."

They'll find you.

"Not the way I plan this. I"ll have enough money soon. I'm not coming back until I finish the project. That's all that matters to me."

Don't you dare take the easy way out on me. 'His' voice quavered with anger. I had to do worse than you to stick it out. Worse. But I'm still here.

"I'm not like you. I've tried to be so hard. So hard. But something's wrong here, and there's nothing I can do."

Now you sound like a coward.

"I'm speaking the truth, and you know it. You've always known it. I've always tried to go against the odds, fighting everything. There's only so much I can stand up against."

Don't give up. Dig in your goddamn heels and strain if you have to. But don't give in. Don't do that.

"I'm not. I'm going to do what I promised I'd do eight years ago."

We never asked you to sacrifice yourself. We don't want that. Never wanted that. 'She' spoke now, her voice low, as if you'd just told her 'Her' Seshet had died.

"I think I've sacrificed myself enough for other people, why not for myself now? Why not for you?"

What does your heart say? 'She' asked

"That I am dying here. That I'm losing myself."

And what does your head say? 'He' wanted to know.

"That what I want to do is possible. That I really could escape and stay gone."

What do you say? 'They' asked in unison.

The young woman grew quiet. This was unexpected. "When I was young, my grandmother died. I promised and I swore that I'd find a cure for that plague that took her life. I wanted to become a scientist, help people. Save someone else's grandmother so they wouldn't have to cry." she nearly cried then, remembering, but she swallowed her tears. "But I grew up and found out that science was harder than I thought it was. So I didn't keep my promise."

You spoke your promise when you were too young to understand what you were saying. 'She' said.

"Please. Let me finish. It hurts me to talk this much, and I'd like to say my peace as quickly as possible." She breathed deeply. "I made a promise to all of you, and I was young then, but then I knew what I was doing."

Don't say it. Don't you dare say it!

"I'll die if I have to, in another country, in the mountains, anywhere. But I won't die here, with an unfinished project on my hands, meaningless to everyone. I'm keeping my word."

This isn't worth it. Everyone will be talking after you come back. What you face now will be nothing compared to what you'll face then, especially since everyone will know who you are.

"I don't care about fame or money. I only care about finishing what I started."

We can't talk you out of this. 'He' said it as a statement, but it was meant as a hopeful question.

"I've tried talking myself out of it, but that's pointless. This is all I can think about."

If you go, I'm taking back everything I ever gave you. 'He' threatened.

"The project can't be given back. That's part of the agreement. Have you forgotten that?"

Don't fight with her. Her mind is set in it's way. 'She' told 'Him'. Go then. But mean what you say. Don't turn back.

"I will. I will."