Sarah's Life

The slow return...

... of music.

So for the past few months I hadn't found a single band whose CD I wanted to buy, much less borrow, much less download for free. Is that sad? Well, for me it is, because usually I have a list about 100 long of CD's I want/ MUST HAVE.

Well, I'm up to 2 CD's I "MUST HAVE" now. I guess that's midly reassuring. Or bad. Because usually I like music when it is a catharsis because life is shit. So I'm wondering if the resurgance of music I like is because life is becoming shit again. Which it could be, but I've gotten so good at ignoring life that I'd be the last to know if it was shit.

Wow, I just used "shit" like 3 sentences in a row. FUCK. LOL!

I don't know what to think about life anymore. I blog now to avoid the "OMG YOU HAVE TO UPDATE YOUR BLOG FUCKER!" emails I get. So basically stuff pours out of me and I can't stop it. It's like a festering wound when you poke it with something sharp and pointy. It just spews and then closes up again...

Or something like that.

I guess thinking is like poking a festering wound with a sharp 'n pointy. Interesting.

I wish things would quit reminding me that it's been 3 months since I talked to him. and I need to talk to him. at least part of me does. A bad bad part of me that I need to cut out with a sharp 'n pointy. But I'm not allowed to use sharp 'n pointies to cut stuff away from me anymore. So it festers... WOW, now I've really abused that analogy.

moving on.

So things keep popping up. Like the mall employee sale (last time I saw him I was passing out flyers for the last one). Or going into Barnes and Nobel for the first time since I ran into him there... Or organizing the folders on my computer. Or reading, or thinking, or just... life. And it's crazyness and it's crap. I'm starting to get sick of it's crap. and I know that that is becoming pretty typical of me, but it is crap and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of everything going exactly as I expect, because I always expect the worst but hope for the best. And the best never happens. But that's life, right?

"That's life. If nothing else, its life. It's real, and sometimes it fuckin' hurts, but it's sort of all we have. " - Garden State

Fuck shit damn. Ok, I think I have that out of my system now.

So back to the music thing. I find myself catching onto bands for the songs all thier fans say suck. And then I like that song and thus am labled a poser or some shit like that. I dunno, my sister's all EMO now so I guess i can't trust her lableling, but that's what it is. Fucking Emo kids. It's just the new brainwashing for the kids who can't think for themselves.

If you really want to be an individual, join the NERDS!!! We're cool that way. I don't know of any one nerd who does things or looks at life in the same way as any other nerd. That's because we actually DO think for ourselves. *gasp*

dude, D&D kicks ass.

~~Sarah