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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/books/entry_id/362727-crushed
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Rated: 18+ · Book · Experience · #993305
A journal about my life with a compulsive gambler and drug addict
#362727 added July 29, 2005 at 7:04pm
Restrictions: None
crushed
Reality has come knocking at my door once again, there's no place to hide, and no more pretending. Today was payday and every cent of it is gone. I have a baby who only has enough milk to last until tomorrow night and somehow I have to find a way to buy more.
I'm so tired of "finding a way" and "holding on to hope" when obviously there is none. What are my options. I could stay here and drown in this darkness or I could leave. If I stay, the pain and anger will slowly eat away at me until there's nothing left. If I go, he will never leave me alone. His threats will be suttle enough that I can't turn to anyone for help because only I will know the true meaning behind them. He will play mind games until I'm so wiped out that I don't have the strength to go on anymore.
THis is usually my escape but suddenly my mind is blank because I'm so empty. I feel as if I've let everyone down including myself. My weakness is pathetic and there's no excuse for it.

© Copyright 2005 LadyCobra (UN: starr68 at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/books/entry_id/362727-crushed