Prisoner of Your Own Mind

Deep Within

I hear every now and then, a faint, silent voice within my body reverberating throughout my skin. There is usually a complete silence and life at a stand still where the only focus and self-consciousness is within. Nothing can penetrate the world that you sense in your deep, internal thoughts like a sea plant trying to reach sunlight but is strongly repressed by the surrounding darkness at the bottom of the ocean floor. A place of sanctity or sanity, but I hate to admit any signs of sane validity. This was a point where everything sank into the abyss that was my mind, a place that is lost and hidden from my reality forever.

Reality is a funny name. Obviously the word "real" is clear enough to see in its wording structure. It implies a realness to our existence as we are observers of actuality and commonality. No distortions or unwanted or intrusive thoughts, but more of a release from the lack of reality that resided deep within my head. Unlike the normal-level functioning brain, mine sees a totally different reality, one that hides and skews the actual truth and meaning of anything.

Imagine living countless hours and days observing the outside world with cloudly thought concealed from what is really in front of me. The feeling is like there is a blindfold over my eyes, and nothing but undetectable images and thoughts penetrate it's way through. It brings me great joy to experience such a horrible feeling, one that easily recreates itself in my slowly-winded heart. Trying to elude a distorted fantasy world is somewhat of a complex task to achieve. If your strong-willed and reliant on faith and hope, then you'd probably see through the thick wall of incongruent messages taking place inside your memory base.

If this sounds reasonably hard to comprehend, your not far from the actual truth of what I struggle to understand myself. It took me years upon years, various periods of struggle, suffering, and moments of insight and depth, to learn of my demise, a failed opportunity to take control of my senses and rational state of being. Nothing could have been more destructive and heart-breaking than to discover one of the many limitations I was probably born with, of unable seeing things in a complete, clear perceptive world.