Prisoner of Your Own Mind

Rageful Thoughts

Before OCD became my daily burden, I must have enjoyed some sense of vigor for life, some kind of expression of mental clarity. To ponder this surmise, I can't say with a heavy and aching heart, that I ever had this opportunity. I have no memories of being self-confident or having couragous endevors. No, my recollection eludes me of this dream, a place of peaceful resting and contentness with myself. OCD destroyed that dream, or any hope of achieving self-happiness and a clear and conscious mind. I am a prisoner of this fiendish enemy that keeps me hidden from the splendors of life.

It was not until my 23rd birthday that I discovered this cloud of misery and dispair, that OCD actually existed within the dense, tissues of my brain. Electric currents or synapses firing away at lighting-quick speeds, and the OCD present to disrupt functionality. I can almost envision its grasp on the helpless brain structures that manufacturers useful components, such as rationalization, reason, and realization. Like a military soldier without a weapon pressed by enemy fire, my brain was ineffective and vulnerable to attack. Held captured, I can only wait in anticipation of a possible rescue from incarceration.

Being held against my own will to perceive the outside world with clear vision, a great rage had manifested itself within my burning soul. Anger divided me from who I really was and longed to be. It concealed my true caring and lovable personality. I felt wicked and severely punished by dark, distressful thoughts that combined with the sense of anger, made my blood boil and my soul wither away. Every reaction to stressful and uninviting situations, would always include a rage so forbearing that the ability of maintaining sanity was nonexistent.

I am a prisoner with anger and rage trying desparately to separate myself from the thick chains of hell and elude the darkness of my cell. Dreadful nightmares of staying confined and locked in a small place by myself with only regret, fear, and misery as company. So there I sat alone with cries of pain and sorrow, while a deep rage smoldering underneath the burning flesh gains strength. I could feel it in my eyes, my chest, and my heart. A ferocity of evil, maniac thoughts and feelings imbodied me and took over my life.