From June 21 Onward

Once Again

October 1, 2005

Wow. I missed June 21, 2005. So much has changed since the last years and some months since I wrote that last entry. For better or for worse? That depends on how you define "better" and "worse" and how close to "normal" life should be.

So much has changed. So much has changed. So much has changed, in fact, that I don't even know where to begin.

I've moved out of my mom's house on friendly terms to live with my good friend Nick. We live in the bottom half of a two-story duplex a few blocks west of downtown Wichita. Senior year, which I toasted just prior to its initiation in my last entry in the journal, has long past. During the last few months of senior year, I went to prom with a girl of my greatest fixation (who is not the girl over whom the majority portion of this journal written my over freshman year tends to toil), started smoking marijuana, graduated, moved out, started college, been late for rent, have had to borrow money from my mom, started drinking alcohol, and more. It's been a year of such radical changes in my life that only a good, long hit of very potent salvia could help one to visualize them.

My beliefs about religion, in stark contrast to those I displayed in that late year of my youth, have become much more, eh, "progressive". It's hard to really say what I believe about divinity and its effects in our lives, but let it suffice that the road to perdition simply cannot be as broad as some would say.

My feelings on drugs have loosened greatly as well. I am a D.A.R.E. essay contest winner and not only do I not abstain from drugs, but I have a fairly lengthy to-do list of psychoactive substances which my research has shown are worth the small investment of time, money, and mental constraints regarding reality. I smoke marijuana fairly regularly, I drink when we have parties here now and then (though I realized at last night's party that I really like marijuana a lot more than alcohol), I use ecstasy sparingly on special occasions (no more than once every month or two), I've tripped hard on salvia divinorum, and I'm not even halfway through that to-do list.

But, and I realize that many people may be naïvely under the spell of drug war propaganda to make this distinction, but I am not what some people would refer to as a "druggie". I know what my boundaries, and right alongside that to-do list is another list indicating which drugs never to do. I do my research and I stay away from drugs that are unduly dangerous or physically addicting. I am more of a "psychonaut", an explorer of the states of human consciousness.

Living under my own sovereignty has taught me a few things and perhaps changed me a little. I have very unusual sources of semi-regular, passive income, so I've managed to keep up with my half of the bills over the last few months without having a solid job. Besides a couple of websites I own which generate income via advertising, I have jobs now and then as a freelance web designer and developer. I have several business ideas for the middle-future, but first I'm waiting to stabilize everything else a bit.

Above I referred to the earlier years recorded in this journal as my youth. I realize that I am still in my youth. I'm only nineteen, and that's only as of a couple weeks ago. And there's still a lot of youth left. I look ahead with both anticipation, excitement, and apprehension. The future will bring many more good times, many great memories which allow enjoyment only under the law of diminishing returns. I can't allow my life to peak now, or ever. My goal is to maintain that plateau, that natural high of always having a destination, even an unknown destination, of always having a passion, and of always achieving through the good times and the bad.

That's about it. In summary, I am a very different person in beliefs and outlook, but not necessarily in character or mannerism. Most people still find me to be fairly agreeable when we aren't talking about politics, and I'm still a good friend to those who seek friendship. Adios, and until next time, remember to love life and live it to the fullest. Recommended listening: Parabol/Parabola by Tool.

~ Dris ~