blog, Blog, BLOG!!!!!!

Cake?

Have you ever noticed that there are some phrases in the English language that don't make a lick of sense?

Yesterday, I attempted to leap from the water tower in my home town using a plastic Wal-mart bag as a parachute. Why was I doing this, you ask? Because one of my best friends told me it would be a "piece of cake."

That's right. It would be as easy as a slice of the fluffy, moist, heavenly dessert that everyone knows of and most people (even old folks whose teeth are among our dearly departed) love.

But I was confused. Perhaps I'm just thick-headed, but I find it rather hard to gauge the difficulty of an activity using cake as a reference point. Are we talking about cake itself, or is the phrase a reference to the actual baking process? I suppose that if the latter is true, this would make some sense, but this would no doubt result in one simple question.

What kind of cake is it?

This is an important consideration. Anyone with arms and an oven can make one of those Betty Crocker cake-from-a-box numbers. That is easy. Trying to draw a scale portrait of the Sistene Chapel onto a wedding cake in frosting, however, isn't.

I suppose that if we established an Official Gauge Cake, then this whole mess of confusion would finally reach some sort of enlightened state, and the problem would be solved. Screw world peace, it's time America found a solution to the Cake Problem.

As I sit here, in my hospital bed, wrapped, from the tips of my toes clear to my left eyebrow, in a plexi-glass cast, I've come to a realization. If I could have asked my wise friend a simple question, I never would have climbed to the top of that water tower. That question is this.

On a scale of one to ten, with one being so easy Dubya could do it, and ten being cake, how difficult would you say this jump would be for me to make?

So please, call your congress(wo)man, and tell them to vote yes on Bill #459606782-034845685-2349856249-2340984509852-EKFOPV-02349850-23049457 (standard cake bill)

Thank you