Le Marquis' Madness

My Wonderful Wife.

It's 1:21 Friday morning, and once again I can't sleep. I watched my wife sleeping, her breath softly whispering as she slept. I felt her life and the warmth of her soul as I took her in. I love her and I felt deeply sorry for her.

I did some time in Vietnam with the 1st Cavalry Division. We roamed above and in the jungles of Tay Ninh provence the 3rd Corps area of operation (A.O.). I came back to the States with a souvenier...P.T.S.D. For the uninitiated that is combat related post traumatic stress disorder. The gift that keeps on giving. Nightmares, Flashbacks, rage, just for starters. Add a little anxiety, depression and attempted suicide to the mix, and you have only the tip of an immense emotional iceburg. When we married...that was my wedding gift to her. That is why I feel sad for her. I feel I have betrayed her. She never needed these problems.

I have been married twice before and both of those wives could not deal with it. My children don't understand it and it has often hurt my relationship with them. Diane does her best to understand and assist me, but when she asks me what's wrong when I am in an obvious funk, I tell her I don't know. It sounds like I am blowing her off, but in reality I can't understand it myself. She has read a lot of books about combat P.T.S.D. and probably knows far more about it than do I, but it must be difficult for her to understand. I have therapists and I still don't understand it.

Still, and for this I thank God, she stands with me. It must be love. I couldn't deal with me. She is one wonderful,caring woman, and I am lucky to have her in my life.