Straight No Chaser

Remix

1. would you like to be cloned?
it would be cool if they could do it without the age delay. another infant shannon would just be a liability, and would probably turn out just as badly as this one did. a twenty-one-year-old shannon would be a great control group for all the testing i've ever wanted to do on myself. if they could clone my mind, too, that would be best of all. there would be no end to the conversations we could have.

2. do you believe that your name fits your personality?
all my references have listed different meanings for my first name, my favorite of which is "slow river." and no, i don't think it fits, but it's a pretty image.

3. were your parents born in the same decade?
yes.

4. do you exercise before you eat in the morning?
just the free weights. i always tell myself i'm going to start running in the mornings, and it never happens because the weather is such a mess in atlanta.

5. were you a proud owner of a snap bracelet?
those hit their peak when i was five, so yes, i had probably a dozen, and i wore them like kabbalah strings till mid-april of 1991, when they were banned from my private kindergarten because people had been removing the neon fabric and using the unsheathed metal bands to slit each other's skin and stuff. it only takes a few good apples to spoil the whole bunch. i am absolutely certain they'd still be at the height of popularity today, if not for bratty kids like lucius tory.

6. is it better to be single or in a relationship?
if you're not happy single, then your relationship will most likely suck.

7. do you think police officers have the right to use a stun gun on a thirteen-year-old?
i guess so. i don't know if it's legal or not, but if one ever found cause to use one on my thirteen-year-old, i'd have bigger problems to address than whether the officer was within his rights or not.

8. which is the better way to discipline a child: to give them a spanking once in a while or to sit them in a corner?
it depends on the child. i spent untold hours in the corner because the baby-sitter used to forget me there--that's how cerebral i was, then; you couldn't bore me into good behavior for anything. i wrote the entire "tromly story" series in the corner of the living room in our old house. i sang to myself. i probably could have used the spankings.

9. would you let your child spend the night at michael jackson's house?
tuh.

10. do you often forget what day it is?
never at school, because my work and class schedules switch are different every day except mondays and wednesdays. i forget frequently at home, because without a car, things like this are what i do all week.

11. do your grandparents play bingo a lot?
the grandmother in detroit does. my maternal grandmother spends most of her time on sorority events and trips down home to tennessee. i don't think she knows how to make oatmeal cookies, either.

12. do you own a copy of thriller by michael jackson?
i've owned three, in total; one got broken, one got left behind in springfield, massachusetts.

13. do you prefer reading or writing?
in the cloak of life, one is warp and the other woof.

14. do you prefer hamsters or gerbils?
gerbils are smaller and cuter and less bushy. so call me a racist scumbag.

15. do you think animals have a religion?
what the fuck ever. even if animals were religious, they wouldn't share "a" single religion because their differences would dictate a need for distinctly different purposes. besides which, humans are the only animals with enough idle mental energy to come up with so many useless tenets and contradictions. a beautiful panther would never create anything so awkward.

16. are you a powerful person?
increasingly so, but never quite in the way i want.

17. do you think marriage would change who you are?
probably. every important life change sparks some measure of internal change, right?

18. do you meddle in other people's business?
tuh!

19. do you think the teenagers who take abstinence vows are probably the ones that weren't going to have sex in the first place?
with a few exceptions, probably so. marcus takes one of those vows every time the abstinence crusaders come to campaign on our campus. the guys who sign those contracts tend to be celibate or gay.

20. are you ever attracted to your teachers?
not anymore.

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