Day by day, again

More of the same

God forgive me but sometimes I feel like just blowing my brains out. With my luck though I would miss the vital parts and end up paralyzed and worse off than I am now. Sometimes I really wonder if God has forgotten about me. I wouldn't blame Him if He did. He has more important things to do.

I am sooo fucking tired of being in pain, being sore all over, dog assed tired, and depressed. Stress from work and taking care of everyone but myself is taking all my energy. Sometimes I just go through the motion of living while my mind is detached and far away. Maybe that's what wrong with my memory. Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

That must be why I enjoy reading so much. I can become engrossed in a good book and escape to a different time and place. I should write a book myself. HAHAHA! Yeah, right. My life the way I would really want it. Montana, a ranch for abused and neglected horses, plenty of acreage for them to roam free and safe, and enough money to live on and take care of them. Of course a climate controlled barn would have to be included, a big one. I think I could be happy doing that. I could visit my family when I got lonely but otherwise be with my horses and live my alone which I pretty much do now anyway. It would be easier to bear if living alone was done while doing something you love instead of everything you HAVE to do.

Life is a shit sandwich. You either eat it or starve.