Genomorph

Chapter 28

GENOMORPH
By Scott Ramsey

Part 4
Edited by Janet Nolan and Carla Winters


CHAPTER 28

Sunlight flooding in through the window awakened Brandi late Saturday morning, and she opened her eyes and felt Melissa behind her, arms wrapped around her. She smiled and thought it was a very good way to wake up. She closed her eyes again, pulling Melissa’s arms tighter around her and sighing contentedly.

She was content, but she was also quite confused. She and Melissa had made love the night before; it had started out more as frenzied sex but Melissa had gradually worked her down from where she had been after their night out and into a more steady, tender pace. The end result had been more passionate, more fulfilling than anything she had ever known before and was certainly a far cry from what she had experienced as Brandon. As the pleasure of orgasm had swept through her body, brought on by the tender ministrations of someone who truly cared about her, she had never felt more whole, more complete in her life as man or woman.

It was afterwards, when Melissa had drifted off into a contented sleep that the confusion had come. Brandi had lain awake, trying to hold on to that feeling of contentment, but it began slipping away and the fear returned. For the first time since the transformation she had allowed herself to be a woman, completely and eagerly, and the memory of how good it had felt frightened her. One more piece of the man she had been had slipped away, but should she even be trying to hold on to it? For better or worse, she was Brandi now; she could never go back.

There were more complications as well. She knew she was in love with Melissa, as surely as she had ever known anything in her life. She was certain that Melissa felt the same way, but she was not ready to acknowledge those feelings. Brandi suspected that it had a lot to do with the death of Melissa’s parents; she was not ready to open her heart to someone yet because she was not ready to face the possibility that she might lose them. She understood those feelings; Brandon had gone through the same thing. It was very hard to give so much of yourself to anyone after having suffered such a loss.

~ And of course I bring a whole world of complications with me. ~

She felt Melissa stir behind her and despite her thoughts she smiled again. It was good to feel the warmth of her body pressing close, the softness of her skin. She felt Melissa gently brush her hair aside and kiss the back of her neck. She could be confused later; right now she just felt too good to let any of that bother her.

“Good morning beautiful,” Melissa whispered, “You’ve been asleep for a whole eight hours; it’s almost noon.”

Brandi rolled over so she could face Melissa. She touched her friend’s cheek and then gently kissed her lips.

Melissa smiled and asked, “How do you feel?”

“I don’t think I can describe it properly; wonderful, fantastic, elated…none of them seem to be enough,” Brandi sighed. “Thank you Melissa. You were so right. I needed to be with someone and I’m so glad it was you.”

“Your welcome, but believe me it was my pleasure” Melissa said. “Now tell me what else you’re feeling.”

“I am a little confused,” Brandi admitted.

“A little?”

“Melissa I don’t want to hurt your feelings…”

“Sweetie telling me what you feel won’t hurt my feelings,” Melissa said. “I know what you felt last night; I know you enjoyed what we did because nobody could have reacted the way you did if they weren’t enjoying it.”

“Enjoy hardly does it justice, it was the most incredible thing I have ever felt,” Brandi said. “But afterward I felt really scared by how much I enjoyed it.”

“And you felt guilty too, right?” Melissa asked. Brandi nodded her head and looked as though she were about to cry.

“That’s what has me so confused,” she said. “Is it wrong for me to feel that way? Am I giving in to the programming?”

“Brandi we are all programmed to enjoy sex, it’s one of the nicer parts of being human,” Melissa said. “It makes sense that you would feel some confusion. I wish that one night of love making could take it all away, but I’m afraid it’s not that simple. You have a whole new perspective to explore, and I really think you need to explore it; all of it, when you are ready.

“I feel guilty too; I feel like I used you. I’ve wanted to be with you since the night we met, and seeing what was happening to you…well I convinced myself it was the right thing to do. I was so afraid you would be angry. I knew I could … seduce you. I’m sorry I took advantage of you, but I just didn’t know what else to do.”

“Stop it,” Brandi said. Her words were firm but she still smiled and her voice was soft and gentle. “You did the right thing; you did what had to be done. I’m not sorry about what happened, and I’m very lucky to have found such good friends. I guess you and Karen were plotting this whole scene last night.”

“Oh you did see that?” Melissa said. “I’m surprised you didn’t hear what we were saying.”

“I was more out of it than I realized,” Brandi admitted. “Even after Renee found me and stopped me it didn’t stop; if anything it got worse. Part of me was very glad that she had found me, but another part was so frustrated. Like I said, I had pretty much totally given in; I was going to say yes to whatever he wanted me to do. To have the brakes put on me like that…well I think if you hadn’t been there for me I would have slipped out and found the first willing guy I could.”

“Yes we noticed, and we decided that something had to be done,” Melissa said. “Karen even volunteered to be the one.”

Brandi’s eyes widened, “She did?”

“She’s still as straight as ever,” Melissa laughed. “But she loves you sweetie, and seeing you like that was hurting her too. And she knows I…I care about you a lot. She didn’t want me to risk hurting our relationship.”

“I love you, Melissa,” Brandi said softly.

Melissa looked at her, filled with conflicting emotions. She did not know what to say, and the last thing she wanted to do was hurt Brandi. She did love her, but she was not sure she loved her, not yet.

“Brandi…”

“It’s ok, you don’t have to say anything,” Brandi smiled. “I know you’re not sure. I can wait. But I wanted you to know how I feel; I wanted you to hear me say it. And I want you to know that no matter what, nothing can ever come between us, even if you find you can’t love me the way I love you.”

Brandi snuggled up close and laid her head on Melissa’s shoulder. She felt different, and she knew she had cleared a hurdle in her path to truly accepting who she was. Yes, there was confusion but as she lay there in Melissa’s arms it did not seem to be so bad. Really, there was only one more hurdle left, one very big one. But for now, she was perfectly content to lay there and cuddle with her friend.

“So tell me, truthfully, how was it?” Melissa asked after they had lain there in silence for a while.

“It was wonderful … really … it’s just .…”

“You can be honest Brandi,” Melissa smiled.

“Well it’s just that I was, like, on autopilot,” Brandi said. “I was so hyped up … I mean I don’t know how good I was.”

“You have nothing to worry about there,” Melissa sighed. “You were absolutely incredible. You may not be entirely comfortable in a woman’s body, but you certainly know your way around one in bed.”

Brandi started giggling hysterically. When she regained control she said, “At least I have experience with that.”

“I’d say a whole lot of experience,” Melissa said with another contented sigh. “Still, if you’re really that concerned, I think I’m rested up enough for another go; if you’re in the mood of course.”

“Silly girl,” Brandi giggled as she slid her hand slowly down Melissa’s stomach. “I am always in the mood.”

~ And to hell with the confusion. ~

*****

Susan was surprised as she entered the parlor late in the morning to see Amanda talking to a very attractive redheaded woman.

“I’m sorry, Amanda, I didn’t realize you had a guest,” Susan said as she turned to leave.

“No that’s quite all right, Susan dear, please join us for some tea,” Amanda smiled. “This is my neighbor Sabine Rosseau. Sabine, this is my dear friend, Susan Covington. She’s staying with me for a few weeks.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Susan,” Sabine said in a warm alto. She was young, certainly no older than thirty and her dark red hair and deep green eyes gave her a very sultry appearance.

“Sabine was just telling me about a charity fund raiser she is holding next month,” Amanda said as Susan sat down.

“It’s for the Pediatric AIDS Foundation,” Sabine explained. “I was hoping to enlist Amanda’s support.”

“That’s certainly a worthy cause,” Susan said.

“I will be glad to contribute,” Amanda agreed. “I think it’s wonderful that you are doing this Sabine. If you like, I can make some calls and get the word out to the right people.”

“I’d really appreciate that, Amanda,” Sabine said. “I don’t have anywhere near your status and connections, and, well you know how it is.”

“Of course,” Amanda smiled.

Gretchen brought in a tray of tea and coffee and served the three women, who exchanged small talk for some time. Inevitably Sabine became curious about Susan.

“Have you known each other long?” she asked. “I don’t mean to pry .…”

“Not at all, dear,” Amanda smiled. “Susan is a genetics researcher. We met through one of the foundations I help and became friends. I’ve contributed to her research on several occasions.”

“That sounds fascinating, what kind of research?” Sabine asked.

Susan took her cue from Amanda and stayed as close to the truth as possible, “It mainly involves the regeneration of tissue as a means to fight disease and heal injuries.”

The explanation was basically the truth; before becoming involved with the Forerunner project Susan had been doing research along those very lines. It was one of the things that had drawn her to the project, once she had been allowed to see some of the data deciphered from the Forerunner files. Their understanding of genetics was incredibly advanced.

“That does sound interesting,” Sabine said. “I had no idea genetics were involved in healing injuries.”

“Well we are still trying to determine how involved they are,” Susan said. “People heal at different rates; a cut that may take a week or more to heal on one person can heal on another in a matter of days. There are many factors involved of course; the overall health of the person, age, physical condition and even diet, but there is still a genetic link. Some people are born with a more robust immune system than others; they never seem to get sick, or if they do they recover much faster. If we can discover the genetic link to this, we could develop treatments that could have far reaching results. Eliminating or reducing disease in humans could conceivably extend the natural lifespan by decades.”

“Won’t you stay for lunch, dear?” Amanda asked Sabine. “I’d love to have a chance to chat more. It’s been so long since we visited.”

“I would really like to but I’m afraid I must decline,” Sabine said. “I have several appointments today and I really need to be going.”

They rose and walked Sabine to the door. Her limousine was waiting out front, and Amanda gave her a warm hug before she walked down to the waiting car.
“I’m sorry, Susan,” Amanda said as they walked back to the parlor. “Sabine’s visit was a bit of a surprise. Gretchen was away in town picking up some groceries and I was unable to let you know she was here. When she got back, she did not know to go and tell you.”

“I don’t see how it could do any harm,” Susan said. “I’m sure she has no idea who I am. What I told her about my research is public knowledge.”

“Sabine is a dear girl,” Amanda said. “Her mother was a very good friend of mine and Sabine has had a rough go since she lost her a few years back. To be honest, she went a little wild. I’m glad to see she is finding purpose in her life now.”

As the long black car wound its way along the drive, Sabine sat in the back, smiling as she idly fingered the pendant that hung from a silver chain around her neck. She regarded the purple stone for a moment, and then picked up the car phone and began dialing.

*****

Karen came home shortly after Melissa and Brandi had finished a very late breakfast. The three girls went out on the deck and talked for a long time about the night before. Mostly Karen and Melissa talked about the band’s performance and ways that they could improve upon it in the future. Brandi made a few comments, but mostly they were limited to things such as “Yeah, I really like that song”.

“Brandi what’s wrong?” Melissa asked. “You seem like you’re in another world.”

“I guess I am,” Brandi smiled. She lit a cigarette as she collected her thoughts, regarding its glowing tip for a moment before speaking.

“I never told you this but I didn’t start smoking until the day I met Arnie,” she said. “But when I saw his cigarettes, something inside me clicked, and I wanted one; more than that I needed one. And when I took my first drag, I felt very content, like I had passed a test.

“I felt the same thing yesterday when Dylan kissed me and I responded, and again last night. I’ve been sitting here thinking back, and I see now that I felt the same thing every time I have taken a step towards accepting who I am. The first time I explored my body; the first time I dressed like a girl, even the first time I altered my appearance. I think the programming in me has a kind of checklist, and I have to accomplish certain tasks on that list, like it’s trying to verify that I’m operating like I’m supposed to. And the longer I resist, the more it pressures me to act.”

“And there’s only one more thing on the checklist,” Karen said.

“Well there’s only one thing I feel pressured to do,” Brandi smiled. “What bothers me though is I still don’t know who I am. Is everything I do based upon behavior that was programmed into me? Am I just a weapon that acts like a person?”

“Brandi if you can ask that question I think you have the answer,” Karen said. “If you were nothing more than a weapon, a human looking machine, you wouldn’t have these doubts and fears.”

“I guess you’re right,” Brandi said.

“After last night do you feel different towards girls?” Melissa asked.

Brandi considered the question carefully before answering, “No, not really. It’s very hard to explain. What I feel about sex is one thing; there is this very powerful attraction to both men and women. The thought of being with a man still scares the hell out of me, but after last night…after we were together, well I’m not afraid of being with a woman, and I still very much want to be. I really wasn’t afraid of it before; I was more afraid of giving in to the sexual desires I feel in any way.

“So, no, I don’t feel different towards girls, and yet I do. If anything, I know more than ever that emotionally I am far more attracted and comfortable with another woman…one in particular.”

Melissa blushed and Brandi smiled at her lovingly.

“Maybe once you take that last step, you won’t feel attracted to men anymore,” Karen suggested.

“I don’t think so,” Brandi said. “The sexual desire is designed to allow me to perform the missions a Genomorph was created for, and to do so convincingly. I think I will always find men attractive; I just hope that there won’t be a constant, driving need to be with a man. I find myself thinking about it more and more everyday. Worse, I find myself wanting it.”

“So were you in that Zen sleep thing last night?” Melissa asked, deciding she better change the topic before Brandi got too worked up. “You were sure out, and then when you woke up you were ready to go.”

“Ready to go huh?” Karen grinned.

It was Brandi’s turn to blush now and her cheeks turned bright red, “Yes, part of the night I was in Zen sleep. It beats waking up hung over.”

“You drank enough to float a frat house,” Melissa giggled. “I’m surprised you could even walk.”

“Even when I don’t control it, there seems to be a limit to just how drunk I can get,” Brandi said, “though I was certainly acting the part.”

“Well, except for the end, did you have a good time?” Karen asked.

Brandi smiled warmly, “I had a good time, even at the end. I was enjoying every minute of it even then…but I’m glad Renee found me. I’m still not ready to sleep with a guy.”

She blushed again before adding, “After last night though I think I’m a lot closer to it than I was before.”