Mental Meanderings

Blog + DWC

Ok, I'm really starting to find doing the DWC and my blog separately a little strange. Because in my DWC entry I'm pretty much just rambling like I do in my blog and often having just rambled to a strict word count on a topic I'm inspired to get into a full on rant about it and so could continue the topic over here.

Today my entry was about a concept I have for my NaNo novel. But in a way I feel like I've written an entry about that and would just be repeating myself to continue it here. Or the other extreme if I continue here I won't have more to continue the topic in my DWC book. The DWC book was intended to discuss my NaNo plotting so I feel kind of obliged to keep the topic over there.

Which leaves me wondering what to write here of course. Not a lot going on with me today. Kaylie started back at school and it was lovely to fall back into routine again. I still didn't sleep well last night but having to get up at a reasonable hour kind of pumped up my energy for the day. I felt a little drained in the early afternoon and retreated to bed with a book after picking her up from school. By dinner time I was feeling refreshed although I hadn't napped.

I did manage to get through to the airconditioner company and they've approved my service request. Vincent, the guy who installed it will probably call me sometime over the next week. My mother keeps suggesting that maybe they originally tinkered with it so he'd have a reason to come back. Talk about an egotistical concept. I mean sure he was flirting with me the day he installed it but I'm hardly worth doing something like that. lol

Still, he was pretty cute. I won't begrudge having him in my home again if he's the one who does the repair. *chuckles* But mostly having the airconditioner fixed is the biggest priority. I wanted to use it in the last couple of days and couldn't. Feeling tight finances and not having a functional airconditioner to make me feel like I made a good investment is NOT a good combination. When it works I'll feel better about having spent my rainy day funds to get it installed now instead of waiting till I'd saved up extra savings.

I found myself hungry a lot today and I'm craving chocolate, again. I don't know what causes chocolate cravings. Maybe it's a lack of sex. *chuckles wickedly* Or maybe more related to the fact that at the moment I'm NOTICING the lack of it because there is someone I can picture myself with that I can't have. Of course he doesn't need to know about my daydreams but it does make me wonder if my craving for chocolate is related to the desire for things I can't have.

Isn't it strange how the things that are forbidden or at least, not at hand, hold more appeal then what is right in front of you? I have a number of guys who are very interested and I'm totally not interested. They play a hard game and it's very good for my ego but I've made it clear that I'm not holding out hopes for their company to become a reality. They're fun to chat with but that's as far as I'd take it. Then the one guy I would take it further with won't go beyond friendship.

I can understand the motivation for that though. We've been friends for years and he's been with me through a lot of the stuff that happens in life. I saw the beginning and end of my marriage, the birth of both my children, the ups and downs and chaos of the adult years of my life. The craziest thing is we've chatted most days for months, we've had months where we barely chatted at all, we've grown to know each other well, we've talked on the phone a time or two, but we've never met.

*sighs* Love is a very strange emotion. There really is no control. Other emotions you can temper, control, rein in. Anger, sadness, joy, etc. they can all be controlled by willpower but love, that's something that just is, or isn't. I wonder sometimes if what I feel is just a confusion because he's so good a friend and happens to be male. I'd love him as a brother no matter what, but I compare the other men I meet to him and no one seems to compare at all. I truely adore him, he's my best friend, and he's smart because we would risk a great deal if we did take it any further than that.

*blushes* Ok, enough rambling about my love life, or lack thereof. *chuckles* See the problem with having talked out my NaNo in DWC? It makes me resort to reality in here instead of writing. That's not a good thing. I'm tempted to wipe this blog. Obliterate it. But hell, who really cares about my tiny little corner of the world.

I was talking earlier about celebrities. I've got this really abnoxious friend who has this kind of nasty humor that brings you down. In fact I don't know why I befriend him. I suppose it's because I'm too darn nice to tell him where to go and he's one of those guys whose infatuated with me so it's like that point boosts my ego and the other side of him deflates it which basically keeps me even. Anyway, he was being sarcastic about how I'll be a celeb one day and it's like yeah, whatever.

But now it's got me thinking. I mean if I were to get famous for my writing I'd be one of those reclusive hermit famous writers. Intriguing because I don't do the whole out in the public very often etc. Then I got thinking about how uttely mortifying it might be if when I'm famous some brilliant journalist (perhaps someone reading this right this minute who becomes a journalist) stumbles across my blog and decides to gobble it up as content for the slag mags about me. Gosh there is a lot of drivel in here that would be a gold mind for those things if I was anyone worth talking about. lol

I comfort myself with the fact that I'm a nobody. *grins* I can say what I want about my sex life or lack thereof and it doesn't matter. I could go adopt a baby from a third world country, or get caught drink driving, and no one would care. But if I were say Madonna, or Mel Gibson doing those things it makes the front page. *sighs* I guess this sort of stuff is one very good reason to have a fear of success. Imagine having to live your life with the pressure that EVERYTHING about you is news.

*grimaces* Ok, talk about taking off on tangents. It's late. I better get to sleep. *waves* Have a great day all.