NOW THAT'S NOT FUNNY

Girl Interrupted - Major Coronary Here

On Jan. 1st, 2007 as I had just began another one of our often casual, almost always impromptu phone conversations with Holly Jahangiri my chest began to seriously ache. "Shit, it hurt!" Explained I'd eventually call back, but at the moment and under the circumstances (my pain) - I needed to go.

LIFE IN DENIAL

I had all the classic systems. My left arm ached. My chest ached, felt heavy, and I was having hot and cold flashes. Necessary breathing was fast becoming somewhat of a conscience preoccupation. I felt sickingly nausated... but it took almost another 2 hours for me to want to put myself through the ordeal that I knew would be facing me at the local hospital emergency room. "I've just never had the pleasure to arrive at the hospital knocked out like I've witnessed other blessed souls arrive."

I love my family members most of the time, but to be honest, in a crisis... when push comes to shove... when you're back is against the wall and you finally realize you're really going to need some serious help... my family members don't help... too many preoccupations and distractions, I guess... but trust me... they're no help in the moment of crisis. Of course, I'm just the opposite... I fall apart immediately after all possible crisis is over. When there is nothing left to panic over or about that is exactly when I generally find myself shaking uncontrolably, etc.

Life on HOLD

Seems my life hung in some weird kind of suspended balance for nearly four days - sweet unconscience! I have no memories of the life and death battle that ensued between the contradicting forces battling to claim victory in my life.

Doctor's are vain creatures and need to be... based on instinct, experience, and sometimes maddening stubborness... Doctor's don't want to admit defeat... not defeat by mere physcial forces.

The stories I'm hearing are interesting though... and I have no reason to doubt the stories about how I put up a huge stuggle with the restraints... One nurse stopped by days later to say that she questioned the heart attack considering how strong I was to fight with... I have the brusies...

First Contact
Life is a struggle to communicate. Drugs and restraints make commuinication much more challenging than usual.

The 7th Day
"As best as I can figure it, if you're not dead in 7 days there is a good chance some kind soul will remember to feed you."

The perky, pettie nurse bounced happily into my little glass encased cubicle. She looked like she smelled clean and fresh. I appreciated the delicate ribbon embroidary on her deliecate, tiny sweater. I felt and looked like Linda Blair in the Exerorist... With clinched and grinding teeth... I snapped at the perky, pettie nurse Nancy, "I've haven't eaten in 7 days. How many days did it take them to starve that other poor woman to death (reference Terry Shavio)?" The nurses name turned out to be Nancy. Nancy arranged for me to receive food.

Learning Humility
I don't know what I was thinking, but I promise I didn't think that I would feel dizzy and light-headed with my first attempt to merely sit up and eat. It just never occured to me that after only 7 days I wouldn't just be able to bound out of this marvelous mystery contraption of a hospital bed and rejoin the fray.

You know you're getting old when all the young male nurses look like boys...
The male nurses were young, strong, healthy. There is a place for my kind of Vanity. The doctor's were all too old and preoccupied with themselves and busy marveling at their handiwork... AND THEY WERE ALL SO KIND AND PATIENT WITH ME...

Today is January 12th, 2007... And like the Rabbit in Alice's Wonderland... I'm feeling late, extremely late... 2007 didn't start out one little iota like I intended for it to start...