Mental Meanderings

Defense Mechanisms Against Pain

Ok so I got done talking about Pain vs. Pleasure Associations yesterday and today had no idea what to write about. But as usual, life provides and I started thinking about the Defense Mechanisms humans have to deal with pain or potential pain. It's interesting to reflect on this with what I've been learning about associating certain things with pain or pleasure.

Obviously procrastination or avoidance is one of those primary defense mechanisms many of us innitiate when there is something we don't want to face. Sometimes it's truth we don't want to face and running from it can stave off the pain for a time. Denial is another one that works wonders against truth.

Mostly, I've noticed defense mechanisms take two stances. It's basic animal survival instincts, fight or flight. You have two choices when faced with something you don't want to face, get as far away as possible from it (procrastination, avoidance, denial) or face it. Sometimes facing it involves the fight aspect which is also technically the flight aspect because fighting takes you to a point when you can eventually retreat. The things that scare us are dangerous. The potential for pain is the scariest thing of all.

I look around the world from a rather sheltered view. I've talked to a lot of people and for some reason many of the people I know have at one point or other used my shoulder to cry on and I've started noticing things about mankind in general. Particularly how we deal with the things that might hurt us and that involves our emotions.

We all tend to deal with things in similar ways. A part of me wonders if humankind perpetuate emotional states by repeating patterns. I mean from the cradle or perhaps even in the womb babies are subjected to the emotions of their parents and their family. Mannerisms are learnt from day 1 about how to certain things affect their lives. If we are all learning similar patterns because we've all been learning similar patterns, no wonder so many deal with their emotions in similar ways.

Babies learn to cry to deal with their pain. Crying brings the attention required to deal with their needs. Does that mean we grow up using tears to get attention? Do the people who were chastisized for their tears in their younger years or left to cry without the award of attention learn to contain their emotions instead? In having their 'pain' ignored (pain causing more pain) what mechanisms were build to sheild them from it?

Over time we build up more and more walls against being hurt. We build our armors, our forts, our masks. All of these things give us protection from pain or at least the illusion of being protected. The more pain we face in life the stronger the defenses. Of course we fool ourselves don't we? Because the pain exists behind the walls, beneath the armor. It's perhaps muted because we are so used to trying to shut it out but its all still there, waiting for our weak moments to strike.

Dealing with other people brings a whole new degree to our defense mechanisms. Here we are, safely within our armor and along comes someone else. Odds are by the time your a few years old you've learnt that other people have the potential to cause pain. I have no idea where I learnt it but I learnt my lesson real good and I'm sure others have too.

Anyway, we have up our walls and our masks and we face the world as a shadow of who we are because if we give anything real of ourselves the other people have a weapon against us. Obviously, however, there are a lot of weapons out there in the world and a lot of people getting hurt. Human insanity? Or just the desire for something greater?

Perhaps it's because we know that while all emotions lead to pain in some form or other, the potential for pleasure, true happiness (however momentary) gives us the courage and the strength to let it hurt a little. Of course when we take a chance to care about someone else we're faced with the greatest potential pleasure and the greatest potential pain and it's a knife edge either way in every second.

Whenever it feels like we're losing ourselves in one direction or another the defense mechanisms kick in. Because if we love too deeply it'll lead to deeper, more lasting pain and if things go the other way we'll get hurt too. Fear comes to the for and it can be easy to push away, run away, strike back, or shut out others. It happens all through our lives.

Sometimes I wonder if the world was meant to be full of hermits living side by side in our bustling metropolises. We picture hermits as lonely old men living in powerless cabins up in the mountains or on forgotten islands. How many times do you recognize the people beside you when you walk down the street or cross a crowded room? We carry our lonely cabins wherever we go, metro-hermits, who let a few guests stop by for short visits.

What would it take to reach out and truely be with each other? As a community what would happen if the walls came down, masks came away and everyone faced each other with the complete truth of who they are, inside and out. I feel like I'm talking about some kind of Utopia, it's obviously not something that can even be imagined. It's so much a part of our cultures that I noticed the masks and walls come out even in my six year old and felt sad that there were pains in her life that had developed those walls when I try so hard to keep her safe.

I've always tried to face the world with a smile. It's not easy, especially closer to home rather than behind the walls and masks of the world wide web. The walls are there but I've started finding the fear of being alone behind them is starting to outweigh the fear of being hurt by letting people in, or occasionally stepping out. It's scary but then so is the idea of living a life without sharing it with others.

I promise myself to face each future moment with a few less defenses. Let it hurt because in a way the pain reminds us we're alive and really living, instead of just existing, and just as pleasure leads to pain perhaps being open to pain eventually open us up to pleasure and happiness.

PS. Um... Couldn't resist sharing this one since it reminded me of Anyea's comment yesterday. Conversations with Rain. *grins*

Rain: I said AFTER [you finish your blog] LOL you lil procrastinator
Rebecca: <--- procrastinates real good.
Rain: lmao, that is NOT a talent!
Rebecca: Sure it is. I practice it every day.