Somewhere Else

Chapter 28: After The Dream

Brecker woke with a start right as Kray was sending off all the bells and whistles that his heart had stopped beating. He'd seen Winter and he saw Gideon at the far end of the hall and he just couldn't take anymore. Upright and panting, he glanced over to Kray who was still asleep. A part of him wanted to shake him, force him to consciousness. Another part of him remembered that this was their only chance to show him anything of how they could control their own fate. If he woke him now, they'd lose him entirely. As his mind sharpened, sloughing off sleep, he knew he had to wait.


He went from the bedroom to get a drink and when he returned Kray was still sleeping. Perching on the edge of the bed, he waited for tell tale signs that he was coming out of his dream. Eventually he drew in a deep breath, a familiar sign coming from this man, and he woke. His eyes just opened, like the movie was over and the film stopped rolling; there was nothing more to see. Brecker waited for his reaction.

Both hands lifted to his eyes and he rubbed them as he sat up in bed. The first thing he did was offer Brecker a smile. Waking up to him was always nice. Resting his hands behind him on the bed, he reclined but wasn't tired any longer.

"I just had the strangest dream."

"Oh yeah? Tell me about it."

Even though he'd been a large part of it for himself, he played along like he wasn't sure, testing the waters. Moving across the bed, he sat down right next to him, nuzzling his head against his neck while he waited for him to tell him all about it.

"Nah. Too weird. You wouldn't believe me anyhow."

"Dreams are supposed to be weird. Why don't you try me?"

Draping an arm over his shoulders, he smiled and then kissed against his temple. "Are you really that interested?" A soft laugh came from him, knowing that he was. Brecker was interested in just about anything having to do with him. "I had a dream in which I watched myself die. As I was making the famous walk to Heaven, I was stopped by a little girl. Her name is Winter Rose. Does that mean anything to you?"

There was a bashful smile given, his head tucked down and resting against his shoulder before he simply nodded, ear rubbing against the outside of his arm. Of course he knew Winter. If Kray would concentrate hard enough he would recognize her as well he was sure. For now he was just glad he could see her.

"She took my hand and told me that I didn't have to go that way. I could return later if I wanted. That was strange to me. Oh, and there was this man in all black standing at the end of the hall."

"Gideon."

"Pardon?"

There he went again, stating things he wasn't supposed to know about. The same as when he went to visit Lucky, he didn't actually know him at the time. Here he wasn't supposed to know anything about the dream, yet he knew it was Gideon posing as the Angel of Death in order to make the experience all the more authentic. Winter did think of everything.

"Do you know this guy?"

"How would I know him if he's in your dream?"

One of those questions that sounded like back talk, Kray immediately drew away from him to look him over. There'd been a time or two before that Brecker tried to lie to him about something or another. He failed every time. The last was when he was explaining what had happened when he went to London with his editor and ex-lover Lane. He'd lied about as much as he could but in the end Kray saw right though him. There was a kiss that took place, one that meant nothing to Brecker but one that rightfully upset the other man. He couldn't keep a secret like that from him but he didn't want to tell him about the entire conversation that took place after either. The compromise was made and he got away with the important parts without feeling like he'd cheated and then tried to keep it secret to stay out of trouble.

"Well you knew who he was, even if it was my dream. How could you know that?"
Brecker sighed. This was not uncommon actually, even though this one had been intentionally planted into his mind. "I sometimes project my own dreams when I'm sleeping. It's just that I woke up first and you didn't."

"Is that all? That sounds like something pretty big. So you saw everything that I saw? What does it all mean?"

Now, he was also infamous for his premonitions and he knew that Kray was aware of that. In fact, one night when he was supposed to have gotten onto a bus in order to come over to his house, it was merely the fact that Gideon was a passenger on his bus that kept him from boarding. The next day he found out the driver smashed it right into a wall and there were no survivors from those en route. He was thankful to have the sign.

"Sometimes it doesn't mean anything. Sometimes they're just leftover fragments of my own life and premonitions."

"Could this be a premonition? Could I die?"

There was a laugh that came from him, even if it seemed as though the timing was inappropriate. "Of course you could die. Look at what you do for a living. If you're asking is this how you're going to die for sure though, I'm going to say no. I'd feel differently now than I do if this was a for reals sort of thing."

"That's almost reassuring, thanks. But why would you project this kind of dream to me? I thought you said you had nice dreams. Nice dreams more often than not anyhow."
"I do. I mean, sometimes I have nightmares but not usually. I guess it was only shared with you because we were together and you were in it."

Kray didn't seem satisfied with his response, which he could tell by the way he remained quiet and thoughtful, his eyes turned away as he took it all in. If he kept this up, he was going to lose his chance. Surely the other man knew he was hiding something as well. Usually he fell quiet to give him the chance to speak up and offer any additional information that he hadn't already given. This would be the time to work in some word of belief, faith, or religion.

There was as bit of hesitation before he spoke up, asking a question he already knew the answer to. "Do you believe in God?"

As far as he knew, Kray was Catholic, his whole family was Catholic, and when you were Catholic you believed in God. Homosexuality was a sin and God was the only thing that might save you. That was why he hadn't met his family. That was why he probably wouldn't ever meet his family. He liked to hold out and believe that someday he might actually be introduced as the 'boyfriend' but he doubted it. At best, he would be a friend he met a few months back. Sebastian would know the truth though and that made him feel a little bit better.

"Brecker I'm Catholic."

That wasn't quite the answer he was expecting. He waited; just in case there was more he wanted to add to that. In case he wanted to clarify that he did indeed believe in God and that his belief couldn't be shaken.

"I'm a Catholic who's dating another man."

That response was less vague but still not quite what he was looking for. He'd run with it though, because his window of opportunity was closing. Moving from the bed, he stood up in it, right at the foot of the bed. Quite animated, as he usually was, he used his hands to gesture as he spoke.

"I don't."

"I figured!"

"Why, what gave it away?" There was a wink to let him know that he was only joking. He embraced his sexuality and didn't give a damn what anyone thought. Religion was not his cup of tea either, because he didn't like anyone telling him what he could and could not do in this life. "At any rate, most people who do not believe in God believe in something. I believe in myself."

"Breckerism?"

"Yeah, something like that. Hear me out for a second though." Rubbing his eyes for a moment, he decided to start with an idea that was easier to swallow. "Everything happens for a reason."

"I don't think I subscribe to that one."

"Sure. You're not actually listening to me. Everything happens for a reason, even if it's not a good reason in your mind. There's no actual set plan of how your life is going to go. You have the power to change anything that might occur, fate-wise or not. You have the power to create a wonderful life for yourself, despite having to rely on others to employ you, recognize you, and issue you your paycheck."

"All right."

"Do you believe in reincarnation? Not coming back as a housecat or anything like that, but coming back and doing another life."

"I think some faiths believe that you're returned to Earth as a form of punishment, because you didn't learn what you needed to know your first time around."
"Bullshit. Do you believe in Heaven and Hell?"

"I'm not sure."

"I don't. If your God loved you so much, why would he ever create a Hell? Isn't this life enough punishment for one soul? I believe so. At any rate, my beliefs go one step further. Imagine for a moment, if you will, that rather than ever moving to any idealistic Heaven or Hell, you simply moved on to your next life."

"Instant reincarnation? The moment you die you start a new life?"

"Something like that. Expand on that though. Imagine that this life you're living isn't the only one you have."

"Now you've lost me."

This was a harder part to explain to anyone, so he just went for it. Kray was intelligent and he was sure he'd be able to keep up. "Let's say every major decision you've ever made goes both ways. You try out to be a cop and you make it. Here. Let's say when you tried out to be a cop you failed though. Imagine that there's another life of yours where that happened. While you're here living this one, another of you is living the life where you didn't make it and went on to be-"

"The owner of some drab retail store that sells only office supplies at a discount?"

"Yes. Just like that."

"Well that's just absurd. I'm obviously right here, right now. There's no way that I could be anywhere else."

Offering a sigh, he glanced around the room for a second before giving it another shot. "Albert Einstein theorized that we are all made up of energy. We only use ten percent of our brains throughout our entire life. Imagine all of the power that we as humans have that we're just not using. What if the other ninety percent of our brains is inaccessible because we're sharing it with our other energy forms throughout the universe?"

"That's just not logical."

"Neither is Adam and Even and a tree of knowledge and one man dying to forgive us our sins. That's just not logical in my book."

"Fine, you've made your point. Is this what you believe in then?"

"No. This is what I know."

Kray looked amused for a second, lifting a hand to rub at the bridge of his nose for a second before offering a quiet laugh. "What you know? Would you like to run that one past me?"

"Die hard religious fanatics will tell you that they don't just believe in God. They know for a solid fact that God exists. I know for a solid fact that he does not. Only I'm kind enough not to preach about my own faith."

"Kind enough you say but I get the feeling that's not quite it."

"You're very perceptive. You see, not everyone is open minded enough to accept my way of thinking. Therefore, there are only a select few who are brought in, who can experience life as I do."

"If there's any truth to this, how do you know who to choose?"

Now it was his turn to look amused. Moving back to the bed, he knelt on the very end of it and leaned towards Kray. "They're the ones that turn back, the ones who understand that they can go at any time. They're the ones that look Death right in the eye and tell him to wait. They've learned that they can move through their lives at will."

Kray had done just that when Winter Rose approached him in the hall of his dream. Anyone who believed in God, in Heaven and Hell, in a religion so profound as Catholicism would never turn away from Heaven, not for anything. Most certainly not for a mortal man who would eventually end up dying or cheating or someone that he could possibly break up with in the near future, right when it came time to introduce him to his family or split. No one would give up an eternity of happiness if they truly believed in the faith they were raised in. Kray was a nonbeliever and Brecker's known it for some time.
The expression on his face led him believe also that he'd gotten under his skin, if only a little bit. If he was consciously aware of what was going on what he could do, surely he'd recognize that he was no longer alone. Otherwise, he was seriously contemplating what had been said to him, wondering if there was room for this in his life. Brecker knew that either way, whether he'd already known or not, he'd gotten where he needed to be and hopefully he could just push him the rest of the way. He was good with that, with pushing this man in the direction he felt he needed. If he could do it once before, he could do it once again.

“Do you have any idea how crazy you sound right now?”

Brecker ran his hands through his hair, shaking his head a bit. “Yeah, I know. I wouldn’t lie to you though, not for anything.” That much was true. He told the truth about everything, whether it benefited him or not. “I’m telling you that this is what I know. This is what I live every day. I wish I had some sort of proof to offer you but I don’t, not anything that you’d believe.”

Crossing his arms over his chest, he simply arched a brow, daring to be tried. Brecker didn’t want to push the subject any further. He wanted to tell him everything that he knew, wanted to be able to open up to him, but the truth of the matter was he didn’t know how to make him believe. He didn’t know how to make him understand and that was where he kept getting stuck. If he just had some piece of solid evidence that could sway his mind, he’d present it and hope for the best.

“Let’s just forget that I said anything. I’m so exhausted that I’m probably just babbling anyhow.” Backing down had not been the preferred outcome of this, but until he knew how to get to him he didn’t want to upset him. The last thing he wanted was to have undue stress between them. Christmas was coming up and he wanted to enjoy every day that he had with this man. He wanted more than anything to be grateful for what he had.

“You’ll have to explain it another time when you’re not speaking pure gibberish. It sounds like an interesting conversation to have over drinks.”

That’s precisely what it sounded like too, the theory of a man concocted while he was drunk. Batting a hand, he moved to the bedroom. With or without invitation, he planned to spend the night. He wasn’t going to sleep, not at all, but instead bask in the warmth of his body and snuggle close to him where nothing could get him, where he couldn’t get hurt.