Diary of a Middle-aged Woman

Mic-isms

"It's like I always say, life's too short to root for losers," I overheard my husband telling my daughter after the Phillies lost to the Rockies.

My husband has various words to live by. Here's a short list of "Mic-isms":

1. Dust Never Sleeps: This he spews in reference to dusting the house. "Why are you dusting now? I just dusted everything yesterday," I ask when I see him heading for the furniture polish. His answer is always the same: Dust never sleeps.

2. Go to sleep with wet hair and wake-up with a cold: This is for my daughter who likes to let her hair air-dry rather than use a hairdryer. It's his warning to her, which she uses to her advantage the next morning when she wakes-up and doesn't feel like going to school. "I think I have a cold", she'll say, and my husband, not seeing her faking for what it is, says, "I told you that would happen. You went to bed with wet hair." He thinks this is proof that his 'old saying' is proven correct.

3. A tissue in one nostril helps you breathe better when you have a cold: I can't tell you how many times I have looked at my husband and seen a tissue sticking-out of his nose. It is a ridiculous sight. He has his pathetic "I'm sick" face, and then this white fluff of tissue is sticking-out of his nose. I once mentioned this strange habit in the presence of his family, thinking they would laugh. They didn't. Turns out, they practice the tissue up the nostril method also. I'm not sure if they thought of it first, or if they heard it from my husband.

4. Don't think - it will give you a headache: I hear this when my husband and daughter are making some kind of noise and I tell them "Be quiet. I can't think."

5. Cold hands, cold heart: I tried to explain this is wrong, but it never seems to register. I've given-up trying to correct him.

There you have it!

Who knew that my husband could be so profound?