Day by day, again

Trying to cope

My depression is not any better. I would stay in bed and read all day if I could. On top of dealing with Daddy's death I am having financial problems that also have me depressed. Hopefully those will be solved in the next few weeks when my inheritance is received. All necessary paperwork has been filed and now it's a hurry up and wait thing.

My best friend called me last night and suggested that my son and I spend a few days at her house around Christmas. She is grieving the end of her marriage and I am grieving my loss. I suppose we do need to get together and talk. Hopefully we can find something to take our minds off our grief even if it is only for little while.

I know how difficult Christmas will be. I've been there twice before. The first one after losing someone you love is very depressing and the magic that was always there is gone. It gets better as the years go by but it's changed forever.

I guess you could say that I am a apathetic. I just don't care what happens to me now. Prayer isn't helping so I got my antidepressant medication increased. Maybe that will help. We will have to wait and see. It's disturbing to me not to find any joy in living. I feel like my only purpose for being here is to wait to die. Now, that's sad.