My December

How I Feel

How I Feel
Looks like I made a mess again
Heartbreak everywhere I step
This fire is getting hot again
But I touch the flame ‘cause I’m a curious cat
Creeping where I don’t belong
Finding out what I knew all along
Crying all alone
And it’s all my fault, all my fault

Yeah, I did it again...again

Oh, I’m getting tired of believing
Even sicker of pretending
That it’s not so bad, just wait it out
Oh, I think you’re feeding me lies again
The only good man left wasn’t him
And that’s how I feel right now so just let me be
Let me be

It seems every time I find a good man
He’s got a good little wife
I’m not jealous but I won’t lie
I don’t want to hear about your wonderful life
And babies everywhere I look
Trophy wives with their little black books
At this rate I’m gonna end up alone
It’s probably all my fault, all my fault

Oh, another dead end…again

Oh, I’m getting tired of believing
Even sicker of pretending
That it’s not so bad, just wait it out
Oh, I think you’re feeding me lies again
The only good man left wasn’t him
And that’s how I feel right now

Bitter pill that I’ve swallowed
Just how low can my heart sink
Fairy tales from so long ago
Save them for someone that’s not smart enough to know

‘Cause I, I’m getting tired of believing
I’m through pretending
Yeah I’m broken and sad so I’ll sit this one out
Oh I think you’re feeding me lies again
The only good man left wasn’t him
And that’s how I feel right now

How I feel right now
How I feel right now
How I feel right now
Let me be
How I feel right now
How I feel right now
How I feel right now
Let me be
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Word Count: 946

The light from the computer monitor splashed onto Prudence's face. She scrubbed her face and tried to get her eyes to focus. Staring at a computer screen for four hours to check references in her new client's book was not good for her eyes, or her brain for that matter.

She clicked on the last link she would have to check for the night and froze. She found herself at the website of a popular modern poet, a list of his works staring at her from the front page. The topmost poem was called, "Only Love," and Prudence found that she needn't read it to know every word. It was Jeremy's poem; or rather, it was the poem Jeremy had stolen.

Prudence pushed away from her computer and put her face in her hands. Was nothing sacred? Everything he had ever done with her was a lie. Even the one thing she'd always promised herself had the mark of his honesty on it was a lie.

She reached for her phone and dialed Tera's number. She listened to the other line ring three times before she remembered that Tera was on a date.

She dialed Kyle's number next, but he didn't answer.

Why was nobody home? She thought that over again. It was eight p.m. on a Saturday night. Of course no one was home.

She needed a drink.

She knew now that she could say that without it being shameful. She could have a drink without needing another. But it always helped to have Kyle with her.

Well, he wasn't there now.

There was a classy bar at the end of the street. She'd been there many times, and it seemed like the best choice.

The dark atmosphere helped to calm her nerves as she made her way through to the bar. People filled the tables around her, but she didn't spare any of them a second glance.

She smiled at the bar tender when she reached the mostly empty bar. "I'd like some white wine, please."

He gave a nod of his round, pudgy head and went to get her drink.

She glanced around at the people dancing off to her right and the bright, neon signs above the bar that advertised different beers, but her eyes didn't linger long on any aspect of the place.

"Excuse me?"

Prudence turned to find a handsome man in a suit standing beside her. He sent her a smile that showed off his perfect teeth, and she had to suppress a groan. The last thing she needed was another cocky, hard-working, good-looking jerk to lie to her.

"Sorry, not interested." She turned a little so that she faced away from him but could still see him out of the corner of her eye.

"Actually, I was wondering if you were gonna eat those mixed nuts. Our table is out."

Prudence's eyes fell on the bowl of nuts she hadn't noticed before. She met the young man's gaze and noticed that he still smiled, but it had had turned from a kind smile to an amused smile.

She felt herself blush and handed him the bowl of nuts. "Sure," she said, trying not to sound humiliated.

He laughed as he took the bowl. "You're very confident in your beauty, huh?"

She ran a hand through her hair and smiled. "Quite the contrary, actually. I just assumed..."

He nodded. "Don't feel too bad. I probably would have hit on you, anyway."

Somehow that comment made her feel good and she smiled. Why not flirt? Why not find herself a good man? Didn't she deserve it?

Just then, the chubby, red-faced bar tender returned with her wine. "Here you go, sweetie."

Prudence reached for the cash in her pocket, but before she could get to it, the man placed a five on the bar.

"I'll take care of it."

She blushed again and met his flirtatious gaze. "Thank you." She held out her hand to him. "I'm Prudence."

He put his large hand in hers, sending warmth to flow all the way up her arm. "I'm-"

"Braden!" A young, blond woman in a denim miniskirt joined them.

Braden dropped her hand as if it were on fire and looked at the woman, who laced her arm through his.

"Honey, what's taking so long?" She addressed him, but her eyes scrutinized Prudence.

"Here you go." Braden handed the nuts to the blond, avoiding Prudence's eyes. "I was just trying to convince Prudence to give them up."

She eyed Prudence once more before tugging on Braden's arm. "Let's go then."

As they walked away, Braden looked over his shoulder and winked.

Gross. No wonder his girlfriend was so suspicious of the women he talked to. He was a lying jerk who probably had a flavor of the month to run to when he got tired of his perfect girlfriend.

She watched them walk back to their table, where they met up with another couple.

Prudence's eyes wandered to the tables around them and saw that each table held a perfect couple- One man and one woman.

Her eyes slid from table to table, eventually landing on the dance floor, where couples slow danced.

For every man in the bar, there was a woman smiling up at him.

Prudence turned to face the bar again. She picked up her glass of white wine and downed it before setting the empty glass on the bar and turning to leave.

Her phone vibrated as she stepped out the door, and she pulled it out of her pocket, sighing with relief when Kyle's name flashed across the screen.

Finally, she thought. I'm tired of phony perfection.