Aurora Annabelle Rivers

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I couldn't think of anything else to do. I tried to continue working on my essays for school, but couldn't concentrate, and when I decided to read my all-time favorite book Twilight, I couldn't. I was so distracted thinking of Julian and Alex. Alex and Julian.
How I wanted both of them.
It was like a wave of déjà vu.
As if I had lived this moment already. A wave of awareness came and washed over me, but I didn't know where it was all was coming from.
There were a million and one reasons why I should pick Julian, but I couldn't possibly let go of Alex.
'Maybe there's a way to have both of them,' I thought, 'but that would be completely ludicrous. Both of them, that would be fine, just nobody could know.'
I dwelled on this idea a little while longer and knew it couldn't happen. Not possible. Not likely. Not doable. Not feasible. It could never happen.

The next day, the final day of the week came, and I had no idea what to expect. Before Amanda picked me up from school, I made a resolution that I would talk to Alex after school and sort everything out. Maybe there was a way we could see each other eye to eye, without an argument starting.
"Are you feeling better?" Mom asked me before I left.
"Yup. No headache. Bye, I love you," I said as I walked out.

"Hey there Ms. Sunshine," I said as I got inside her red BMW.
"Well, aren't we perky, this lovely morning," she greeted back. "So tell me exactly what happened with you and Julian yesterday. I heard it got hot and spicy."
"Who told you that?" I snapped.
"Well nobody, but Connor told me that Julian has always liked you, and we figured that when he followed you..."
"Amanda, let's forget about that today. Today is a day that I'm going to fix everything with Alex and you will be happy with Connor, and we will live happily ever after," I cut her off.
"Sure, but where's this positive attitude coming from?"
"I've finally seen the light," I joked with her.
"Yeah, it's about time."

We got to school and the first place I was headed was to see Alex. I knew he would be at my locker, and that's where I was headed.
I put in my things, but before I could get out my binder for AP English, I could feel somebody hovering over me. I looked up into big innocent blue eyes.
"Alex, I'm so sorry," I said giving him a hug. "I didn't mean anything I said. I love you so much, and I want us to be fine and better and okay."
A big smile came across his face, and he kissed me. Although it was too hard as usual, I didn't mind. We had kissed and made up, now we just had to live happily ever after.
Holding hands, we walked together to our English class and sat next to each other.
"After practice today, I'll pick you up, okay?"
"I'll be waiting," I agreed.
"I want to take you out tonight, go see a movie and then I have a surprise for you." A grin ran across his face and I knew that it must mean a lot to him.
I nodded and class began.

Alex and I went on with our loveliness, while I saw Amanda and Connor together as well. I was glad when I didn't see Julian at all. There was no way that my mood could be messed up again.
During 9th period, AP Spanish, a note was given to my teacher, and it was for me. Coach Perez was out again, so it would be Captain's practice again.
After school when I told the girls, everybody got excited, and I knew that I had to work them harder. Again they were split up into four groups and do the same things they had done the day before. After they completed their station, they would switch to the next until everybody had done everything.
I didn't hear any cheering, so I knew today would be a workout day. Each group broke up again, but of course the shed was locked, and of course Perez hadn't left the key behind.
Amanda and I made our way over to the Boys Track Team.
"Leno, we need the key," I said making sure I looked only at him.
"Rivers, same conditions as yesterday." He gave the key to Alan, who stood next to him, and along followed Greg and Connor.
I walked ahead while Connor and Amanda hit it off behind. Alan alongside Greg jogged down to the shed and started setting up, the same way they did yesterday.
When I got to the shed to take a hurdle, Greg was coming in behind me.
"Greg, is Julian at practice today?"
"I didn't see him yet"
"Okay," I said and left it at that.
I couldn't understand this. I had seen Julian in school once, but he didn't come to practice.
'Maybe he's avoiding me. What if he hates me for not telling him that I loved him back?' I thought. My mind started racing once again, but I quickly reminded myself that it was Alex and I.
Only Alex and I.
'Julian wasn't part of the picture,' I told myself.

After the long hours of practice, everybody hit the stalls and took a nice hot and icy shower. It felt so good, and I felt so clean. Plus the new clothes I was wearing, just for Alex, tonight would be amazing. It had to be.
Amanda and I walked out to meet Connor and Alan.
I said goodbye to them, gave Amanda a hug, and walked outside to see Alex waiting for me in his sleek black Jaguar.
"Hello, beautiful," he greeted me. I leaned in and gave him a kiss.
"Long, long day. I think that everybody hates me. I was such a bitch in there, but I don't want Perez coming back telling me I worked them too little. She'd kill me."
"No worries, my dear."
"So what are the plans for tonight?" I asked.
"A movie, and then there's a surprise."
"I know, you keep telling me that. Be more specific on the last part. Alex, you know I hate surprises."
"But it's a good one. You'll love it," he said trying to suppress a smile. But I could tell it was still there.
The car ride was refreshing especially since it was silent. I hadn't realized it until we arrived to the theater, that the whole ride I was thinking of Julian.
'He can't. I won't let him ruin my night,' I thought to myself.

Alex and I both got out, only taking out my purse and walked inside together. We decided on seeing the movie The Phantom of the Opera, which turned out to be really good, better than I actually expected.

When we were back in his car, before he turned the engine on, I turned to him, but instead he began to speak.
"Aurora, I want you to know how much you mean to me. I want you to understand that as many times we argue, I still love you."
Waiting for a reply, I said, "I know that we can have our moments sometimes, but as much as we fight, I just want you to know, that Julian, you'll always be my love too." I leaned over and kissed him, but he didn't kiss back.
"What's wrong, Alex?" I asked confused.
"Did you hear what you just said?" he asked.
"I said that I love you."
"No, you said that you love Julian."
"Julian? What are you talking about? Alex, I know you're having doubts, but I know that..."
"Apparently you're the one who's having doubts; so what is this? You and Julian now? You're having second thoughts about us?"
"I'm not," I began to yell, "Alex; you're the one I want. Not Julian, when did he even come into the picture?"
"You tell me," he said. "You've been hanging with him so much lately, maybe there is something going on."
"Alex, I'm not having second thoughts about anything. Please can we just forget this, I don't want to fight," I said surrendering.
"Well, maybe you might need to start having second thoughts."
"What?" I shouted in disbelief. "Well apparently I know you are," I said opening the door. I didn't even bother closing it back after I took my stuff out and left.
I could hear him getting out behind me and rushing after me. "Rory, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it," but I didn't turn back around. I just walked home in the dark, having another fight with Alex ruin my moods.
When I got inside, my older sister was there waiting for me.
"Rory, no hi? I haven't seen you in about two months, and you don't even say anything to me when I return for the weekend?"
"Hi, Paige," I said rushing past her and up to my room.
I plopped on top of my bed, trying to hold in all of my rage and fury. I couldn't go through any of this, I couldn't keep doing this for long, or else I would grow gray, old, and wrinkly from all of the stress.
I took a shower filled with calming lavender scents, hoping to wash away all of the negative energy in me. After I got out and changed for bed, although it was only nine o'clock, I was ready to fall asleep. But realizing my hunger, I went downstairs to see if there was anything left to eat.
"She's alive," Paige called as I walked in.
"Hi," I said, still annoyed with her.
"I heard that you just came home from a hot date with Alex. Trisha said he's cute..."
"Are there any leftovers," I asked interrupting her. Before she answered I found the box of Dominoes pizza, opened it and took the remaining two slices.
I ran back upstairs to my room, without heating them and just sat in my room. Each bite I thought about my situation.
'Had I really called Alex Julian in the car? How could he have made this up? Maybe I did say his name," I thought.
I went to my balcony, opening the doors. My mind was racing and I needed fresh air. Sitting outside I tried to recognize exactly what I felt for whom.
'Do I love Alex?' I asked myself. The obvious answer, how could I not? If I hadn't I would have been done with him a while ago. As I had told him, as much as we fought, I knew that I couldn't be without him.
'Do I love Julian?' I began pondering for this answer that lay within me. I didn't know. How could I though? I didn't even know him. One day spent with him, how could I know? But how could I not now?

When I woke up in the morning it was if I hadn't fallen asleep at all. Not only did I wake up with Julian and Alex in my head, but it wasn't even light out yet. I wasn't feeling tired, and couldn't stand being in my house any longer so I got up and walked out my front door.
I began walking; focusing on not going anywhere near Julian and Alex's homes, I decided to walk to the school.
'By the time I get there my mind will be cleared,' I thought. But when I got there, I was still trying to concentrate on not thinking of either of them. It was still too hard, so I walked to the park around the corner.
Although it broke the rule of being near Alex's house, I didn't care. In fact, when I sat on one of the swings, I could see his house. I looked at it in disgust and realized that as much as I didn't want to admit it, I wanted to be with Julian.
Not just this moment, but I wanted to be back in the moment when he told me that he had loved me; and how he shouldn't have let go of me.
Why had I let that moment slide through my fingers like butter?