Aurora Annabelle Rivers

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

After Alex walked away, I decided to do the same thing. I just wanted to walk away from everything; it was as if everything was becoming so complicated, and all I wanted was to live life so easily.
I turned from Swirlies, leaving the three behind, and started walking, even after Julian came running after me.
"Aurora, wait, where are you going?"
"Julian, I'm just in the mood. Um... I'll see you guys later, I just want to be alone right now."
"Is it something that he said?" he said, starting to become defensive, "because if it is, I'll take care of him for you."
"Julian, I'm not in the mood right now, and no, he didn't do or say anything to upset me. Please, just go back to Amanda and Connor. I'll call you later," and I turned away ready to burst into tears.

While I walked home, I couldn't get either of them out of my mind. Julian and Alex, why was it that I had to make a decision? Why did I have to choose?
Everything had suddenly become undone because Alex talked to me. Not just because of that, but I saw him in those few seconds in a different light, and I didn't know what to do about that.
Julian and I just became officially a couple, and I realized that neither Alex nor I wanted to be finished with one another.
I went upstairs to my room and onto my balcony. Again, I was looking for clarity, but I knew I wouldn't be able to find it unless I made a decision.
Only a few hours had gone by since I thought I knew what I wanted, but here I was again, completely confused and no way of getting any answers.
My phone rang but I didn't bother to go see who it was or pick it up. I could care less who was on that phone and all I wanted to do was forget about everything. The smallest decisions I had made, the words I had said, caused my whole life to split into half. It was as if I had lost everything; my focus, my values, my everything, and I was stuck here.
"Hey, Rory, are you excited?" my other sister Trisha asked me.
"About what?" I asked completely confused, as she sat next to me.
"Mom, dad, and Paige are going back to California for the week. Don't you remember, me and you have the whole house for ourselves, and you know what that means, par-tay."
"Right," I said although that had completely slipped my mind.
"I'm serious, as soon as they leave, I'm throwing a party; so if you want, I don't mind you not being around. I mean you can stay and invite your Alex, but I'd rather you not."
"Whatever, Trish, I don't really care anyways."
"Okay," she said happily leaving.

I fell asleep on the swing, thinking about what to do next, completely forgetting about everything else that mattered. But when I woke up, realizing that I had just missed the sunset, I walked back inside and downstairs into the kitchen to see whether Trisha's little party was happening.
I walked downstairs and there was nobody there, I looked into my parents room, empty; Paige's room, empty; Trisha's room, locked.
I walked on outside, waiting for the air to come and lift me up; mainly my spirit, but it didn't. It did nothing for me, so I continued walking searching for that feeling again. I walked down by my school, past the movie theater, past the park looking over the creek, and into a small little café. It was on the edge of the town, and was called Peaches and Cream.
'How lovely,' I thought unenthusiastically as I sat down in a seat facing a stack of bookshelves. I picked up a book, looking inside of it to see what was inside, and the first thing I saw was a poem, which was handwritten.
I read it aloud to myself, "Dreams and Wonders. By: Nobody Important. For all of the thing in the world, the one thing I wish I had was you. Every time we meet, I get that feeling. It's so unexplainable, I just don't know what to do. It takes me away, to a land of golden dreams. Where you and I are together. For every second, those twinkling blue eyes of yours draw me closer to you. The way you look at me, I just can't explain it. It makes me feel wonderful. Excited. Joyful. Even hopeful that one day you and I will be together.
"That one day you can take my hand and tell me how much I mean to you, for you to touch my face with your delicate fingers. Looking into your eyes, those luminous eyes that have a never ending, they really see me. For whom I am, and they will take me away. But the one thing that brings me back, are the words that you sing to me. As if I am THE one in your life, telling me that one thing, the one thing I try to hold on to, the one thing that will make my life complete. You are the first and hopefully the last to say to me how you feel.
"You will tell me how much you love me and I shall say it right back to you, for you are my joy, my wonder and everything that matters to me. I love you and always have Aurora."
My mouth dropped as I finished. I looked at it over and over to make sure that I had read the name properly and then back up to where it said who it was written by.
Nobody Important.
"Excuse me, are you ready to order something." I looked up and asked for a cup of coffee and biscotti.
I turned back to the book, flipping pages to see if any other writings had been written by this Nobody Important person. There were none so I read that same poem over and over again.
"Here you go, ma'am. You know if you want, you can write something in there. It's for anybody to write what they are feeling, a place to let go."
"Thanks," I said, as I paid her for my order and she left. It gave me chills to read that poem and have my name in it.
'Maybe this person was writing for somebody else,' I thought, 'or maybe this person was actually writing for me.' I looked in my bag for a pen and when I put the tip to the paper, I crossed out the Nobody and wrote Somebody.
As cheesy that may have seemed, it was true and whoever that was certainly needed a booster, so if they ever saw that poem again, they would know that they were important to me.
I turned to a clean sheet of paper, one that was lost in a group of other blanks, and tried to write exactly what the lady had told me to. Being the writer that I was never meant to be, when I reread it, I ended up tearing the page out.
I was getting so aggravated and worked up over this for no reason; I guess I just wanted to be a part of something sort of anonymous.
"Is it okay if I sit down?" a voice asked. When I looked up to see who it was, it was Alex.
"Sure," I answered a bit stunned.
"So, how are things with you?" he asked. I took the cup of coffee and drank it black, with no creamer or sweetener.
"Good," I nodded, "what about you?"
"Well honestly I've been thinking a lot about you and how I think breaking up with you was the wrong thing to do." I made no response to that, and continued staring down at the bank pages.
"Do you come here often?" I asked thinking about the other poem which was dedicated to me.
"Yeah," he said, "this place is sort of like therapy for me. Whenever I get bummed out I always come here and grab some coffee and rethink everything. You know, to try to make sense of it all."
"Yeah, I know."
"Aurora, I know that you want to be friends and draw the line there, but if you just give me a chance, I can change. I can be that same person you fell in love with before."
"Alex, please," I said shaking my head glaring down at the pages of the book.
"Aurora, I can. We can start all over and be happy again together, you and me."
"Alex, please don't this to me. I don't want to mess things up."
"Okay, I'll stop. I just don't want to lose you; you know you mean so much to me."
"Then why'd you treat me like crap all of the time? Maybe if you..." I stopped, "Never mind, I can't do this anymore. I'm done, like you said you were."
"Look, I'm really sorry about all of that. Never mind, I get it," he sighed. "If you want to be just friends then I'm cool with it, okay?"
I nodded my head and then stood up. "I think I'm going to head home," I told him.
"I'll walk you," Alex said standing up too.
We were in complete silence until we passed the park. "You know Alex; I think I'm just going to stay in here for a while. You know to think about everything that's going on."
"Yeah," he said turning around with me to the entrance.
"You don't have to come, if you don't' want to," I said hoping that he wouldn't.
"No, it's okay. I don't mind." I sat down on a swing facing the creek, and Alex sat down in the one next to me.
"Aurora, you know, no matter what happens, I just want you to know that you mean so much to me. And whether I can have you, or whoever, even Julian, he'll be a lucky person."
"Alex, don't say that."
"Why?" he snapped but then grew calm, "we both know that it's true."
"There is nothing going on with Julian and me."
"Really, because I really don't even think I can believe that?"
"And you say that you want to get back together, or just be friends and you're already doubting me?"
"So are you thinking about getting back together? I mean if you and Julian aren't already together then is there a possibility...?"
"Alex, please don't start this again. I don't know what I want, okay? I don't know if I want you anymore. I don't know if I want Julian, hell, I don't even know if I want to be me right now. Can you just leave it alone?" I got up from the swing and leaned against the fence.
"Aurora, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you mad or confused or whatever you're feeling."
I scoffed at that, "You know that's the funny thing. I've always been so sure of myself, in what I wanted to be or do, but now its like all that stuff is gone. I don't even know how I feel or if I feel at all. Do you know how much that scares me, Alex?"
Alex got up from the swing and came over by me. "Listen Aurora, as a friend or a boyfriend or even an acquaintance, I don't want to see you hurting like this or in anyway. You still mean something to me, and I want to see you happy okay?"
I tried to smile as a tear fell down my cheek. As I tried to keep covering everything, nothing was working; the more I tried to forget somehow everything came back to me and made everything even worst. I could feel him looking at me, as I stared down into the water trying hard not to shed anymore.
"You know when I was younger," I began, "I used to come here all the time to just think. Like you and the café, this place was always deserted and it was the perfect place to be alone."
"Aurora," he began, and I was forced to look at him, "I'm here. I don't want you to be alone." That's when I lost it. It was those few and simple words which I couldn't hear without breaking down.
"It's okay," he said holding me in his arms. But it wasn't, it felt like a total déjà vu, as if I had already lived this moment, but I knew that I had, with Julian, which made me cry even harder.
I was shedding all of my tears on his sweatshirt and he didn't even care, because I was with him, and apparently that's all that mattered.
I looked up afterwards, back into his sparkling eyes of ice, and he looked into mine.
"Aurora, I love you. I'll never be able to give you up."
I reached up to kiss him and whispered, "I love you too, Alex."