Fifteen minutes of fame

D4T2: Newspaper Article on "UFO Is Identified."

UFO is Identified, says FBI
- "I was only holding it to have fun" says prankster
- By Special Correspondent Falls Avidens

Miami, 31st July, 2008

The mysterious object that was displayed against a celestial background in the photographs published in newspapers yesterday has been identified, averred James Finnigan, FBI Special Agent on Duty. In a special interview given by Agent Finnigan, it was disclosed, with not a little reluctance on the part of the officer, that what had been thought to be the first concrete photograph of a non-terrestrial Unidentified Flying Object, had come a cropper.

To understand what events led up to the disclosure that followed, the reader is reminded of the brouhaha surrounding the announcement, on ABC Radio Miami yesterday afternoon, of a "genuine" UFO being captured on digital camera by a 19-year old boy backpacking in the local woods just outside the city on the previous Sunday.

The photograph, which appeared on the internet on Monday afternoon in the Facebook profile of user madchimp (who turned out to be the very same 19-year old and carrying the very American name of Tony Majors), was shot in broad daylight against a clear sky with just a few clouds. The date and time-line of the camera was clearly visible and pinned down the picture to 3:59 p.m. on Sunday 28th July, 2008. It showed, apart from the small pine trees in the distance on the slopes of a local mountain, an illuminated disc that shimmered in the sun and looked to be a moving vehicle that was about to set down on the land formation just in front of the mountain. The disc also had what seemed to be four pods that were "lowered" for landing on the rocky landmass.

While many hoax photographs have been panned in the media over the last hundred odd years (this writer would not be surprised if someone told him that the first UFO was sighted within days after the invention of the first camera), most of the earlier photographs were marred by poor quality of either the shot itself, or by its poor reproduction in the local paper, or by poor quality of the lighting conditions in which the photos were taken, the current photograph was completely clear (a Nikon T89 camera was used, says the Agent), shot in broad daylight and had no blurry outlines or any hint of it being a hoax.

To satisfy the veracity of the claims made by Tony, a police team was sent on Tuesday to the site where the UFO was sighted. A fairly large area of burnt grass was seen, along with pieces of a strange material that was studied by physicists through the night. Their opinion was that the material was completely unique and did not seem to be composed of any earthly element. Along with this strange material, the police also found footprints that were completely alien. While resembling human foot-prints, these had two great toes instead of the usual one that all humans possess. The footprints seemed to emanate from one unburnt spot in the center of the entire burnt area, and they seemed to be going off in several directions, none of which could be traced going back to the center area.

"Are the aliens in our city?" announced the media yesterday. Ours was the only paper that hinted that there was mischief afoot while the National Security Advisor, the President of America, the Governor of Florida and several other bigwigs from both, the political and the scientific establishment, huddled together for a top-secret meeting late into the night.

Agent James Finnigan is a robustly built, 6-foot Irishman who can make mince-meat of anyone who dares to cross him. In the interview today, there was no fire in his eyes, only a shame-faced admission that the U.S. Government had been had. He declared that the boy had created the entire scenario using a little ingenuity and a little bravado. He had elaborately set up the burning of the grass at a time when there was no breeze. The footprints were a simple matter of pressing down, with a stick, custom-designed footprints made with an artistic bent of mind. The creation of two great-toes was the simplest task of all.

How he created the UFO was what we wanted to know. Agent Finnigan had a sparkle in his eyes when he thought about that and finally, he smiled the smile of an awed person and told us that the boy had used a "disco" yo-yo, a toy on a string that uses friction device to generate lights inside it. The toy can be made to spin round and round for at least 25-30 seconds before it slows down and falls back into the hands of the artist who has raised it and spun it.

And the pods? When we asked about those, Agent Finnigan went out of the interview room and returned with ...4 pieces of okra! Imagine sticking vegetable on a yo yo and making it look like a UFO!

When we reminded him that he had to still tell us about the strange material that was found strewn near the site, Agent Finnigan actually blushed red and started laughing aloud. His bout of laughter lasted more than two minutes. This reporter waited while his mood turned sombre before asking him the question again. He leaned forward and whispered into my ear, "Don't print this or we ... that is the Government of the U.S. of A. will be the laughing stock of the world."

In deference to his request, we have decided to only give the readers the bare details punctuated by blank places. He said ..............horse droppings from the fields ......... dried for four days in the sun and then baked in the oven ...........crumbled with a mortar and pestle .............. gunny bag ......... strewn ...........

While ending the interview, Agent Finnigan has warned the people not to be swayed by rumours and to report anything out of the usual to FBI's helpline no. 001-512-3650.

(With inputs from Incekur Noose and Traindee Jurknow.)

Judge Earl's comments: D4T2 - It seems I am reading a real news report. The major components of news articles are evident like the place, the main event, the time, date, who are involved, the media, and other pertinent related agencies.

The delivery is outstanding and clear.

Earl


- ## Dr.Taher ##

"Honey-licking murderer" 
"With A Cherry On The Top" 



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